Catch and Release

You want to know

what I keep thinking about?

That argument we had right before you left.

Remember?

There you are, heading off

for your big bachelor party fishing trip

and I start in on you

like some hysterical fishwife,

insisting that you finish the seating chart

before you go.

What was I thinking?

What I should have said

as you were leaving is, "I love you."

Or, at least... I don't know.

"Have fun. Be nice to the strippers."

Instead, the last words

you heard me say were,

"Listen, pal,

"no more nookie until you figure out

where to put your mother's bridge club. "

Our hearts go out to you.

How you doing, Mrs. D?

You need anything?

A Scotch, but thin it out.

Don't let me get all Irish.

- You boys were just lovely today.

- Oh, sorry.

My God.

He had good friends.

He was a friend of yours?

The guy who died?

Yeah. We grew up together.

So, you live here in Boulder?

No. I moved away after high school.

- Where to?

- Los Angeles.

- Oh, yeah? What do you do there?

- I make commercials.

Is that a tattoo?

Maybe.

How could you leave me alone

with all these people?

You know I hate crowds.

And high heels.

I'm wearing heels.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I would if you were here.

You'd know how to make all these people

stop talking about you in the past tense,

how to get your pervy uncle off me.

How could you leave me alone

with your pervy uncle?

You know I can't handle him.

I can't handle anything without you.

She say anything to you

about the honeymoon?

- Like what?

- Like, is she still going to go?

Alone in Kauai?

You think that's what she needs right now.

No, dude, not alone.

You know, with a friend.

Because I think it'd be good for her

to get away.

That kind of thing could be really helpful.

- Not me, Dennis. A friend. Anybody.

- Yeah. Somebody else.

Damn.

Sock it to me.

Sock it to me. Sock it to me.

Sock it to me. Sock it to me. Sock it to me.

Sock it to me. Sock it to me. Sock it to me.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Hold on.

Butt cramp.

Okay, go.

Sock it to me. Sock it to me. Sock it to me.

Sock it to me. Sock it to me. Sock it to me.

Sock it to me!

Yeah! That's good!

That's really good!

- Thanks.

- You're welcome.

Employees must wash their hands

before returning to work.

Call me,

Mr. Yummy.

Okay. All right.

Jesus!

Oh, sh*t.

Gray.

You realize, since you weren't married,

Mrs. Douglas is the legal heir.

We're just putting the estate in order.

Yep.

Okay.

Now, did you and Mr. Douglas

share title on anything?

- Car, house?

- No, I'm in a rental.

Which I can't afford by myself. Wow.

We just found it. He hadn't even moved in.

Where's the paperwork for this big account?

What big account?

There's $48,000 on his tax return.

I'm not seeing any statements for it.

His savings had about that much, right?

No, the $48,000 is interest, Gray.

So, for an account to generate that,

the balance would have to be

roughly a million dollars.

A million dollars?

Yeah, in some big investment account.

I bet you he inherited it

when his old man died.

You don't think it's a little weird

that he didn't tell us that he was rich?

Not really.

I mean, what business is it of ours?

I was his partner.

Point is, Dennis, it wasn't business money.

You know? It was his money, so...

He should've at least told you.

If it were me, if we were engaged

and I had a million bucks, there's no way...

Whoa. First off, this chick is only nice

to you because I'm your friend. Okay?

Second off, you don't have two nickels to

rub together, sir. I've seen your ATM card.

- I'm just saying.

- And I'm just saying

there are hundreds,

thousands of really good reasons

my homeboy wouldn't have wanted to tell

everyone his dad left him a million bucks.

Like what?

Well, like, maybe he was afraid that

he'd become some kind of lazy dilettante

if he had all that money at his access,

so he just put it away, just ignore it.

But, hello! Come on!

Like he wasn't going to tell you?

I mean, I bet you he was just waiting to,

like, rock you with a big surprise.

Because that was Grady's style.

He never did something small.

It was just, plow! And, suddenly, he would

want to find a way to just spring it on you.

You know? Like...

On your wedding night.

- You think so?

- Oh, God, yes!

Picture this.

You guys are on the honeymoon. Okay?

You just had hours upon hours of sex,

without me or Dennis in the house

for a change.

And you're falling asleep

in one another's arms, cozying up to you.

And he's like, "Um, Geege,

"remember the part of the vows

where we said, 'For richer or for poorer'?

"We're the former!"

God, he would have loved doing that.

He would have.

Whoa. Running low, I see.

Gray, I'm going to take your last beer.

"Loss and possession,

death and life are one.

"There falls no shadow

where there shines no sun."

Hilaire Belloc.

Who's that?

I don't know, but it's an excellent quote

I put on the Red Zinger box.

Thought it was appropriate. Shall we?

Oh, that's it, dude. I am so getting married.

This chick made out

like it was her bar mitzvah.

- Oh, God. Put it back, Sammy.

- Why, dude? She's got, like, six of them.

Yeah. She's got, like, six of them.

Thank you.

Why you got to be like that?

I'm just trying to feather our nest.

You're just trying to feather your stomach.

You know what? That was hateful.

You're such a blatant sizeist sometimes.

The thing's got, like, 82 settings, sir.

You and me could have a total waffle party,

because we...

- What are you doing?

- She'll be more comfortable in bed.

Are you serious?

Did you not see the pills kick in?

The only way she'd be more comfortable

is if you shot her with a tranq gun.

All I know is, she's not going to wake up

in the morning with a neck crick.

What are you talking about, a neck crick?

What are you, an osteopath?

Oh, my God, you're actually picking her up!

Dennis, you're scaring me, man.

- Put the woman down.

- Get out of my way.

No. Did it ever occur to you that maybe she

don't want to sleep in there without Grady?

Did it occur to you

that I'm holding her right now?

- Seriously, Sir Galahad, put her back.

- Lf you're not going to help...

I'm much stronger than you

and even I don't want to pick her up.

- No, she's heavy.

- Put her on the couch!

She's out.

- This was totally your fault.

- This is not my fault,

- this is your fault.

- Clean this up.

You're not... I'm not... Come on.

Come on, dude.

- Want a beer?

- Shut up.

Okay.

Hey.

This is Grady's room. You have no right...

What are you doing here?

Sleeping.

What time is it?

I didn't feel like going home right away, so...

The guys said it'd be okay

if I crashed here for a while.

Don't touch that. Just don't touch anything.

You think you can handle that, Mr. Yummy?

I didn't know you were there.

Why are you still here?

I thought you were supposed to be

in Los Angeles,

directing a movie or something.

No, that didn't work out.

Which, you know, thank God.

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