Charley's Aunt Page #4

THE CLIMATE IN LONDON?

BRASSETT, WHERE'S THE CHAMPAGNE?

I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND IT, SIR.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

THE CHAMPAGNE, AUNTIE.

WHAT? YOU HAVEN'T ANY?

LUCKY I BROUGHT SOME WITH ME.

IN MY BAG, BRASSETT.

SO! I WAS RIGH AFTER ALL.

WHY, MR. SPETTIGUE

- COME OUT FROM THERE THIS INSTANT.

COME OUT, COME OUT. PLEASE, MR.

SPETTIGUE, I ASSURE YOU WE THOUGHT-

YOU THOUGHT I'D GONE TO LONDON.

THAT'S WHY YOU BOTH CAME HERE.

WHERE DID YOU GE THAT HAT? TAKE IT OFF!

YOU'RE A VERY SILLY OLD WOMAN,

AND PLEASE DON'T INTERFERE.

WHY, YOU-

LOOK HERE, SIR. YOU CANNOT PUT SUCH

AN AFFRONT UPON MR. WYKEHAM'S FRIENDS.

I CAN ONLY SAY THA I'M DEEPLY ANNOYED...

TO FIND MY NIECE

AND MY WARD-

WITHOUT MY PERMISSION-

COMING HERE TO-

MEET MR. WYKEHAM'S AUNT.

INDEED.

ALLOW ME:

TO INTRODUCE YOU.

DONNA LUCIA D'ALVADOREZ,

MR. SPETTIGUE.

DONNA LUCIA D'ALVADOREZ?

THE MILLIONAIRESS?

HOW DO YOU DO?

HOW DO YOU DO,

MR. SPETTIGUE?

I'M CHARLEY'S AUN FROM BRAZIL-

WHERE THE NUTS:

COME FROM.

PLEASE- PLEASE FORGIVE ME

FOR BEING SO RUDE.

HOWEVER, NOW THAT I SEE

THAT MY WARDS CAME ONLY...

TO PAY THEIR RESPECTS

TO A MOST CHARMING WOMAN,

I AM ASHAMED:

OF MY UNGENTLEMANLY CONDUCT.

BUT COME, COME

- WE CAN'T BE GENTLEMEN ALL THE TIME.

CAN WE?

NOW THAT YOU'RE HERE, MR.

SPETTIGUE, WON'T YOU STAY FOR LUNCH?

WELL, IF YOU WISH IT.

AM I FORGIVEN? FORGIVEN.

WILL YOU ACCEPT THIS

FLOWER AS A PEACE OFFERING?

OH, THANK YOU.

MADAM, ALLOW ME.

THANK YOU.

NO, NO! ALLOW ME.

NOW SHALL WE SIT DOWN?

BRASSETT,

YOU MAY SERVE THE-

OH!

DONNA LUCIA!

IS IT NOT ROMANTIC THAT SHELLEY

ONCE STROLLED THESE SAME PATHS?

AND HERE WE ARE.

AND HERE WE ARE.

OH! WHY, YOU-

OH.

WHY, I BEG YOUR PARDON,

MADAM.

NOW THAT WE'RE ALONE,

DONNA LUCIA,

THERE IS SO MUCH

I'D LIKE TO SAY TO YOU.

I KNOW, AND THERE ARE A FEW

THINGS I WANT TO SAY TO YOU TOO.

OH, DON'T BE AFRAID, DONNA

LUCIA. LET YOUR HEART SPEAK.

I:

- I DOUBT IF THIS IS THE TIME OR PLACE. I HAVE IT.

LET'S MEET IN THE GARDEN

OVER THERE IN 15 MINUTES.

GOOD. THEN WE CAN SPEAK

FREELY.

I SHALL BE WAITING.

AHA. I SEE YOU'VE

GOT RID OF SIR FRANCIS.

UH, YES.

HE HAD AN APPOINTMENT.

GOOD. AND NOW THAT THA FORTUNE HUNTER IS GONE,

I CAN TELL YOU SOMETHING

THAT HAS BEEN ON MY MIND...

EVER SINCE I FIRST MET YOU.

WELL, I'M SURE IT'LL BE VERY INTERESTING

- TO ONE OF US.

I KNOW A VERY QUIE LITTLE PLACE.

A SHADY BOWER:

NEAR THE RIVER.

UH, SPLENDID. YOU GO THERE,

AND I'LL MEET YOU LATER.

OH, YOU COME WITH ME. AH

- MY REPUTATION, YOU KNOW.

IF THEY SEE US TOGETHER,

PEOPLE MIGHT TALK.

OH, OF COURSE, OF COURSE.

FORGIVE MY IMPETUOSITY.

JUST FOLLOW THIS PATH. YOU

CAN'T MISS IT. YOU CAN'T!

NOW I KNOW WHAT WOMEN

GO THROUGH.

MY DEAR-

MY DEAR KITTY-

THERE'S SOMETHING I'D VERY

MUCH LIKE TO SAY TO YOU.

THEN SAY IT, MR. CHESNEY.

WELL, I-

OH!

I BEG YOUR PARDON, DEAR. I

ONLY WANTED TO SPEAK TO JACK.

CERTAINLY, SIR FRANCIS.

I'LL GO AND FIND AMY.

CONFOUND IT, DAD.

I WAS ABOUT TO PROPOSE.

BUT NOW, JACK, YOU CAN PROPOSE

WITH A CLEAR CONSCIENCE.

MY CONSCIENCE:

IS PERFECTLY CLEAR, DAD.

IT'LL BE CLEARER

THAN EVER NOW, JACK.

WE'LL HAVE AN INCOME AGAIN. HOW?

DONNA LUCIA:

- SHE'S MINE. UH, I MEAN, OURS. DONNA LUCIA?

YES.

HAVE YOU PROPOSED?

NOT YET, BUT THE WAY

THE OLD GIRL'S...

BEEN COOING AT ME, IT WON' BE LONG NOW. DAD, YOU MUSTN'T.

I FORBID IT. NOW, JACK,

WE'VE BEEN ALL THROUGH THAT.

IT'S NOT ONLY FOR YOUR GOOD,

BUT MINE. DAD, PLEASE, YOU CAN'T.

WE CAN'T. WE MUSTN'T HAVE

ANYBODY LIKE THAT IN THE FAMILY.

THERE'D BE A SCANDAL. A SCANDAL WITH A

PERFECTLY HARMLESS OLD LADY LIKE THAT?

DAD, LISTEN. THERE'S

SOMETHING I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU.

YES, JACK?

SHE-

SHE ISN'T WHAT SHE SEEMS.

NO?

NO, SHE ISN'T.

SHE-

SHE'S A WOMAN WITH A PAST.

A PAST?

YOU CAN'T HAVE A PAST WITH A FACE

LIKE THAT, JACK. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

HER FACE WASN'T ALWAYS

LIKE THAT.

AND BESIDES, SHE DRINKS. YES,

SIR, SHE DRINKS EXCESSIVELY.

IT'S TRUE. HER SUITCASE

IS FILLED WITH CHAMPAGNE.

YOU SAW IT YOURSELF A LUNCHEON. I KNOW, JACK, BUT YOU-

OH, DAD, YOU'RE TOO GOOD AND FINE TO

THROW YOURSELF AWAY ON A WOMAN LIKE THAT.

IT'S TRUE, I NEVER DID LIKE

A WOMAN WHO DRINKS TOO MUCH.

OH, BUT AFTER ALL, I

SHALL BE DRINKING WITH HER.

IT WON'T BE TOO MUCH OF A

SACRIFICE. OH, DAD, NOT NOW.

WAIT A FEW DAYS. A FEW DAYS? NO, JACK.

I'VE GOT TO WORK FAS TO BEAT OUT OLD SPETTIGUE.

HE'S BEEN GETTING IDEAS

ABOUT THE LADY TOO. SPETTIGUE?

YES, AND IF HE GETS HER, YOU

MAY AS WELL KISS KITTY GOOD-BYE.

NO, SON. I'VE SEEN MY DUTY,

AND I'M GOING TO DO IT.

BUT FIRST I'M GOING UP

TO YOUR ROOMS...

AND HAVE A RATTLING-GOOD

WHISKEY AND SODA.

I DON'T THINK I COULD PROPOSE

TO THAT FACE WITHOUT ONE.

OH, DAD, THINK IT OVER FOR

A TIME. IT'S NO USE, SON.

I SAY-

WHERE'S YOUR WHISKEY?

IN THE PIANO.

OH, DONNA LUCIA,

THANK YOU.

IT WAS TERRIBLY CLEVER OF YOU TO

ENGAGE MR. SPETTIGUE IN CONVERSATION...

SO WE COULD STEAL AWAY

BY OURSELVES.

I WAS ONLY TOO HAPPY

TO HELP, MY DEAR.

UH, MY DEAR, WOULD YOU BE GOOD ENOUGH

TO SHOW ME THE CLOISTERS AND THINGS?

DELIGHTED.

LOOK AT HIM. HE JUST STOLE

HER RIGHT AWAY FROM ME.

THAT'S NOTHING.

YOU KNOW WHERE MY FATHER IS?

GETTING HIMSELF A RATTLING-GOOD

WHISKEY AND SODA. WHAT FOR?

TO PROPOSE TO BABBS. THAT'S

WHAT FOR. PROPOSE TO BABBS?

HMM. FOR MY SAKE.

FOR YOUR SAKE?

YES. FOR SOMEBODY'S SAKE,

LET'S DO SOMETHING.

DONNA LUCIA, MAY I

SEE YOU FOR A MOMENT?

MAY I SHOW YOU:

THE HOLLYHOCKS, MISS AMY?

OH, YES.

PLEASE REMEMBER:

I'M A FRAGILE OLD LADY.

HAVE YOU BEEN LEADING

MY FATHER ON?

NO, I MERELY FLUTTERED

MY EYELASHES.

WELL, THAT WAS ENOUGH.

HE'S GOING TO PROPOSE.

ALL RIGHT, IF HE WANTS TO PROPO

- WHAT? OH, NO, NOT ME!

I'M NOT GONNA MARRY HIM!

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

GOING UP TO MY ROOM

AND BARRICADE THE DOOR.

YOUR FATHER'S AN ARMY MAN,

AND I KNOW THE ARMY.

NOW, DON'T BE AN IDIOT, BABBS.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS REMAIN CALM.

CALM? WITH THE ARMY AFTER

ME? NO, JACK, I'M THROUGH.

I'M GETTING OUT OF THESE

PETTICOATS RIGHT NOW.

? BAA, BAA, BLACK SHEEP

HAVE YOU ANY WOOL?

? YES, SIR, YES, SIR

THREE BAGS FULL?

ALL RIGHT, YOU WIN.

BUT IF I TURN OUT TO BE YOUR

STEPMOTHER, DON'T BLAME ME.

WELL, ALL RIGHT,

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

BRING ON THE OLD ROUE, AND WE'LL

GET THIS WRESTLING MATCH OVER WITH.

HE'S BOLSTERING HIS COURAGE AT THE MOMEN WITH A DRINK. HE'S A LITTLE NERVOUS.

HE'S NERVOUS?

HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?

YOO-HOO!

MY DEAR DONNA LUCIA,

YOU ARE HERE.

WON'T YOU COME

INTO THE GARDEN?

WON'T YOU SIT DOWN?

THANK YOU.

DONNA LUCIA, DO YOU KNOW THAT MEETING

YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY...

IS TO ME:

LIKE A LONELY TRAVELER...

COMING ACROSS SOME BRIGH LITTLE FLOWERLET IN THE DESERT.

YOU MEAN ME?

YES, DONNA LUCIA, YES.

DONNA LUCIA, DO YOU KNOW

WHAT A MAN LONGS FOR...

WHEN HE IS DESOLATE,

WRETCHED AND LONELY?

OH, NO, NO, NO.

HE LONGS TO PLANT THAT LITTLE

FLOWERLET IN HIS HEART...

AND NURTURE I WITH KINDNESS AND LOVE...

AND SEE IT GROW IN ALL

ITS SPLENDOR AND BEAUTY.

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