Charlie Wilson's War Page #11

Is this the war we want to

be fighting, Henry? Huh?

Harold, whatever he's doing,

believe me, it's working.

The CIA estimates that seven out of

every 10 times the muj fires a Stinger,

a Soviet chopper or a

plane falls out of the sky.

Now, Russian MiGs go for $20

million, Stingers go for 60-70,000.

What do you want to do?

Well, I'd like to double to 250 million.

Remind me again, where

did this thing start?

5 million.

Hello?

Is this Mrs. Joanne King Herring Davis?

Where's it at, Charlie?

How's the honeymoon?

Am I ever gonna see you naked again?

Where's it at, Charlie?

500 million. Matched by the Saudis.

One billion dollars.

That's right. Billion with a "b. "

Where does this rank relative

to other covert wars?

There's never been

anything else like it.

Since when?

Ever.

I miss you, Charlie.

I, Joanne,

I always miss you.

I better go.

There's nothing wrong with that!

And out in Polk, there's the polecat

who took us over the side there.

You know, that's the truth.

What do you got?

Is that Gus?

You got it.

Hey, Gus!

- Congratulations on your reelection.

- Yeah, thank you.

- Tell me what you know.

- All right. Doc Long is gonna lose.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We saw that coming.

Yeah, so who's gonna be our wallet now?

- John Murtha.

- And is that good news?

- Yep.

- Why?

I was his vote on the Ethics Committee.

You know, you're a very, very

easy man to like, Congressman.

Call me tomorrow morning at high noon.

I will. Bye-bye.

We present you with this Stinger tube.

There was wild jubilation inside

the country of Afghanistan

as last weekend it became

the first country in history

to defeat the mighty Soviet Union.

The retreat of Soviet military

power from Afghanistan is complete.

The last of Russia's regular

army invasion force is out.

Fear and uncertainty were

mixed with joy today

as the commander of Soviet troops

followed the last of his

men across the border.

CBS News Moscow correspondent,

Barry Petersen, begins our coverage.

It was the last hurrah.

The final Soviet combat troops

crossing the Friendship

Bridge on the border

between Afghanistan

and the Soviet Union.

The Soviet commander, Lieutenant...

Look what you did, Charlie.

Hey, it's... Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey!

It's traditional to make a

gesture towards the vanquished.

- Gus, it's your honor.

- Okay.

Reports that some Afghan units have...

Well, here's to you, you motherfuckers.

...determined to show the world that

the era of Soviet military intervention

in other countries is now over.

- Well, I told you.

- Told me what?

All we had to do was shoot

down the helicopters.

Listen, not for nothing,

but do you know the story

about the Zen master and the little boy?

Oh, is this something from Nitsa,

the Greek witch of

Aquilippa, Pennsylvania?

Yeah, as a matter of fact, it is.

There was a little boy, and on

his 14th birthday he gets a horse.

And everybody in the village says,

"How wonderful! The boy got a horse. "

And the Zen master says, "We'll see. "

Two years later, the boy falls

off the horse, breaks his leg.

And everybody in the village

says, "How terrible!"

And the Zen master says, "We'll see. "

Then a war breaks out,

and all the young men

have to go off and fight,

except the boy can't 'cause

his leg's all messed up.

And everybody in the village

says, "How wonderful!"

And the Zen master says, "We'll see. "

So you get it.

No. No, I don't 'cause I'm stupid.

You're not stupid.

You're just in Congress.

Send them money.

You can start with the roads.

Move on to the schools, factories.

Gus, now, it's a party.

- Restock the sheep herds.

- Hey.

- Give them jobs, give them hope.

- I'm trying. I'm trying.

- Yeah, well, try harder.

- I'm fighting for every dollar.

Yeah, yeah.

I took you from 5 million to a billion.

I broke the ice on the

Stinger and the MILAN.

I got a Democratic Congress in lockstep

behind a Republican President.

Well, that's not good enough

'cause I'm gonna hand you a code

word classified NIE right now,

and it's gonna tell you that

the crazies have started rolling

into Kandahar like it's

a f***ing bathtub drain.

Jesus, Gus, you could depress

a bride on her wedding day.

Hey.

Listen to what I'm telling you.

You did a hell of a job for

the son of a soda pop maker.

"We'll see," said the Zen master.

$1 million for school reconstruction?

Oh, sh*t, Charlie.

Listen.

He's like the congressman from Kabul.

Did you hear me say it was a million,

not a billion, for school construction?

Yeah, we heard you.

Everybody heard you, buddy.

They heard you in Dover, Delaware.

Well, I sure hope I'm

not annoying you, Bob,

'cause that's the last

thing I want to do.

Look...

I was in the Roosevelt Room

with the President last week.

You know what he said?

He said, "Afghanistan?

Is that still going on?"

Well, it is.

Half the population of that country

- is under the age of 14.

- Charlie.

Half the population is

under the age of 14.

Now, think how f***ing

dangerous that is.

They're gonna come home and

find their families are dead,

their villages have been napalmed.

- And we helped kill

the guys who did it.

Yeah, but they don't

'cause they don't get home

delivery of The New York Times.

And even if they did, it

was covert, remember?

This is what we always do.

We always go in with our ideals

and we change the world

and then we leave.

We always leave.

But that ball, though,

it keeps on bouncing.

- What?

- The ball keeps on bouncing.

Yeah, we're a little busy right now

reorganizing Eastern

Europe, don't you think?

We've spent billions.

Let's spend a million on

H.R.118 and rebuild a school.

Charlie, nobody gives a sh*t

about a school in Pakistan.

Afghanistan.

So, for the first time, a civilian is

being given our highest recognition,

that of Honored Colleague.

Ladies and gentlemen

of the Clandestine Services,

Congressman Charles Wilson.

Bravo, Charlie.

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