Charlie Wilson's War Page #4

Charlie.

So sorry for keeping you waiting.

Oh, it's no problem, Joanne.

This is Bonnie Bach.

So nice to meet you.

It's a pleasure meeting you, Mrs.

Herring. This is a wonderful party.

Why don't you give us a few moments?

Yes, sir.

Oh, Bobbie, if you could ask someone

for a Bombay martini up, very dry?

Oh, I'm not a slave girl, actually.

I'm the Congressman's

administrative assistant.

Isn't that wonderful for you.

Yes.

Two olives, please.

Tell them it's for me, they'll know.

Certainly.

She doesn't like me.

Everybody likes you.

She's a liberal.

Well, I'm a liberal.

Not where it counts.

Have you seen the house?

Well, I've seen the

downstairs, what's upstairs?

Fourteen bedrooms.

I should have a look.

What did you think of the movie?

What, that thing we just saw?

The reason for the party, yes.

Well, I'm not an expert

in the field or anything,

but the production quality

seemed amateurish to me.

Yeah, I'm not submitting the thing

for a Golden Globe nomination, Charlie.

You know what I'm talking about.

Well, as a member of the

Defense Subcommittee,

did you think I wasn't aware

that the Soviet Union's

invaded Afghanistan?

Yes, I believe my government is aware,

but I was wondering if they were

thinking of doing anything about it

other than boycotting the Olympics,

which I think you'll agree,

was a fairly impotent response

to the greatest national

security threat we've faced

since the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Well, I don't think making more movies

about it is gonna do the trick,

if that's what you're asking.

It's not.

Exactly how much power do you have

as a member of the Subcommittee?

Which one? I'm on two.

Foreign Ops.

Eight members and myself hand out

11 billion in foreign assistance.

And what about the Defense Subcommittee?

Our budget is hidden.

It is also unlimited.

Yeah.

Would you like to see my room?

Yeah.

So, unless I'm wrong, and

that would be unusual for me,

you sit at the intersection

of the State Department,

the Pentagon and the CIA.

You meet in a soundproof

room underneath the Capitol,

and you preside over a

secret and unlimited budget

for the three agencies you would

need to conduct a covert war.

Isn't that right?

I also have seats at the Kennedy Center.

Isn't that how you were able to double

the CIA budget for black approps

in Afghanistan just by saying so?

Why are you only asking me questions

you already know the answers to?

Why is Congress saying one

thing and doing nothing?

Well, tradition mostly.

Come here.

Okay.

I do not understand the

energy women have after sex.

You're dancing around,

you're baking a pie.

- Charlie?

- Yes, ma'am?

Why is the CIA running a

fake war in Afghanistan?

They're doing everything they can.

They're doing it badly.

The CIA is arming the mujahideen.

Where do you think they're

getting their weapons?

They're arming them with

12.7 millimeter Dishukas

which would be good,

except the Soviets have specifically

armor-plated their Hind helicopter

to resist a 12.7 millimeter shell.

We sold Pakistan F-16s,

but didn't give them the

look-down/shoot-down radar.

If this were a real war,

State would issue a white paper

outlining the Communist threat

the way they did in El Salvador.

If this were a real war, there'd be

a National Bipartisan Commission

on Afghanistan, headed

by Henry Kissinger...

the way they did in Central America.

If this were a real war, Congress

would authorize $24 million

for covert operations the

way you did in Nicaragua.

If this were a real war...

You may be the sexiest woman ever.

I'm not kidding.

You are Helen of Troy.

Are you patronizing me?

What do you want me to do, Joanne?

This is what I want you to do.

I want you to save

Afghanistan for the Afghans.

I want you to deliver

such a crushing defeat

to the Soviets that Communism crumbles,

and in so doing, end the Cold War.

I'll tell you, I'd do it, too,

but I got this Dairy Queen

problem in Nacogdoches.

Don't underestimate me, Charlie.

Believe everything you've heard.

What exactly do you want me to do?

Go to Pakistan and meet with Zia.

Zia?

Mohammed Zia ul-Haq.

He's the President of Pakistan.

I've already arranged it.

You've arranged a meeting between

me and the President of Pakistan?

Yes.

You're going to Israel next week

to meet with Zvi Rafiah

about the Lavi jets.

I want you to tack Pakistan

on the end of your trip.

And meet with the President?

Let him convince you that

it's a Christian imperative

to let the Afghans rid

their country of Communism.

Okay. It's not likely the President

of Pakistan is a Christian,

but I'm gonna do this for you, Joanne,

'cause you saved my ass

once with the pro-lifers

and I owe you my seat in Congress

and because you look very good naked.

But I have to tell you,

I'm elected by Jews.

How many Jews do you

have in your district?

Seven.

But congressmen aren't

elected by voters,

they're elected by contributors,

and mine are in, well, New

York, Florida, Hollywood,

because I'm one of

Israel's guys on the Hill.

And I don't know how they're gonna feel

about me taking up the cause of Muslims.

Well, that's your problem.

Yes, it is.

Go fight this war and win it, Charlie.

Everything possible is on the

line, including your manhood.

Oh, I was afraid you

were gonna say that.

Well, I guess it ain't

gonna be twice tonight.

Well, I guess somebody can't count.

Oh, darling, I was talking about me.

Congressman Charlie Wilson.

Mr. Congressman.

Mr. President.

Yeah.

Joanne Herring speaks

very highly of you.

Oh, well, thank you, sir. Thank you.

These are two of my brightest advisors

when it comes to the

problem of the Soviets.

This is Brigadier Rashid.

- How do you do?

- Pleased to meet you.

- Colonel Mahmood.

- How do you do?

Pleased to meet you.

Please come.

Thank you.

You must be thirsty.

Can we get you a drink?

Oh, actually I'd love a glass

of ice and any kind of whiskey.

Rye, Canadian.

Uh...

I'm sorry, Congressman,

we don't have alcohol

in the Presidential Residence.

Of course, you don't.

I apologize.

Fruit juice?

Bet a lot of people make that mistake.

No.

Okay.

Brigadier?

So you understand the

situation on our border?

Yes, sir, I think I do.

And I think it's terrible.

And I know I speak for all the people in

the Texas Second Congressional District

when I say our thoughts and

our prayers are with you.

All the people of the Texas

Second Congressional District,

- you say?

- Yes, indeed, sir.

Three million Afghan refugees are

living like poorly treated livestock.

Another two million have fled into Iran.

And two million more angry men

is just what the doctors ordered

for Iran, don't you think?

People are dying by

the tens of thousands.

And the ones that aren't are

crossing into Pakistan every day.

Would you like to know how many?

One fifth of Afghanistan now lives

in Pakistan's North-West

Frontier Province.

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