Charlie Wilson's War Page #8

when they're saying no to

the Contras for nothing,

for $5 million, a request

made by the President?

When a black approp makes it

through this Subcommittee,

the full body has to vote on it blind.

They know the dollar amount, but

they don't know what it's for.

So, theoretically, your $10

million can become 40 million

without anyone ever noticing

but the Russian Army.

Because Congress wouldn't

know what it was voting on.

That's the beauty of it!

All you need are the nine

other Subcommittee members.

All I really need is

the Committee Chairman.

- Doc Long.

- Doc Long.

And with Doc's backing, you'll get the

votes of the other Committee members.

- Yep.

- I don't believe you.

I don't care.

And until the phone rang

this morning, Charlie,

I didn't know I'd never heard of you.

Well, ask around.

- I did.

- And what'd you find out?

That your greatest legislative

achievement in six terms

was getting reelected five times.

Anything else?

That you hold more IOUs than

any member of the House.

How about that?

I represent the only district in

America that doesn't want anything.

They want their guns, they

want low taxes, that's it.

I can do favors.

I get to vote yes a lot.

Now, me and three other

guys are killing Russians.

I mean, is it possible

that I've met the only elected

official in town who can help?

Give me a week to set things up.

Go pack a bag.

I have a friend, an

arms dealer in Israel.

He's who we need for this, God help us.

- Should be interesting.

- Yeah.

All right.

We need you, Zvi.

You're gonna be our man inside

the Israeli Parliament.

I'm not in the Israeli Parliament.

That's what's gonna

make you so effective.

No one has your pull

with the 10th Knesset.

No one has your relationship

with the Speaker.

And we are gonna...

We're gonna need your

arm around Menachem,

when he finds out that we're

working with Egypt and the Saudis.

Tell him.

Tell him why we need him.

- I'm not saying anything.

- Why not?

I don't know who the f***

these two other guys are.

- Well, ain't they bodyguards?

- Not ours.

Zvi?

Now, just to sum this up in a nutshell.

You want me to move Israel

toward a partnership with Egypt,

Pakistan and Afghanistan.

And Saudi Arabia.

Well, just a couple of problems I

can foresee off the top of my head.

Look.

- Charlie...

- I know.

...Pakistan and Afghanistan don't

recognize our right to exist.

Calm down.

We just got done fighting

a war with Egypt

and every person who has ever

tried to kill me and my family,

has been trained in Saudi Arabia.

That's not entirely true, Zvi.

I mean, some of them were trained by us.

Gus, come on.

It's his sense of humor.

It's a bit of an acquired taste.

Now, Zvi, look at me.

This is the front of the Cold War.

It's not in Berlin, it's not in

Cuba, it's not in Czechoslovakia.

It's in a pile of rocks

called Afghanistan.

These are the only people who are

actually shooting at the Russians.

Now, you and I know we have

to get Soviet-made weapons

into the hands of the mujahideen.

And you and I know where

the largest stockpile

of Soviet weapons outside

the Soviet Union is.

I can't tell you offhand how many

and what kind of weapons

we've confiscated.

I can. These are Keyhole-11

satellite photos.

They've been degraded so

I can show them to you.

All right, that's a

five-wheeled chassis tank.

That's not the Mk. 1, that's the T-55.

And it and four others are

about 12 miles from here.

What do you want tanks in mountains for?

Oh, we don't. I just wanted you

to know I know you got them.

$35.5 million.

Which you'll be able to appropriate.

Yeah.

Without the press asking

questions about it.

You know, there's good news there,

because the press is going to be

busy asking about a weekend in Vegas

and his pending arrest on

charges of narcotics possession.

- Oh, Gus.

- Sh*t, Charlie.

- It's nothing.

- Is this true?

No, for our purposes, it

doesn't really matter.

Thank you.

I was just explaining to him

that as long as the press sees sex

and drugs behind the left hand,

you can park a battle

carrier behind the right hand

and no one's gonna f***ing notice.

What the hell happened?

It's not germane.

It's not germane to these people

who are fighting and dying, and

being massacred in their homes.

Now, for the love of Christ,

will you help us help them

shoot down these f***ing helicopters?

I love you, Charlie,

but you are a grown man

who still hasn't learned

to look both ways...

before he crosses the f***ing street!

Yes, I'm in.

- But I don't like this guy.

- I know how you feel.

- What happens now?

- You come with us to Cairo.

- This meeting's gonna

be run professional?

Oh, absolutely.

We'll be talking to the

Deputy Defense Minister

while his boss gets a belly

dance from a friend of Charlie's.

- What?

- A good friend of mine back in Texas

is a well-known belly dancer.

It's always been her dream to perform

in Egypt, so she's our way in.

While she's dancing for the Defense

Minster, we'll be talking to the Deputy.

- Oh, my God.

- No, she's supposed to be good.

- That's an extraordinary woman.

- Oh, yeah.

That's not any belly

dance I'm familiar with.

That's why I wanted the

Defense Minister to see her.

- This is your girlfriend?

- Carol's a friend. She's an old friend.

I understand her father didn't allow

dancing because of the religion?

Yeah, that's correct.

And what religion is that?

You know, she's a Baptist.

As I was saying, the Russians will

learn, I'm quite afraid the hard way,

to fear God's vengeance upon those

who oppress his humble servants

who submit to him in Islam.

Their skulls will hang

from the treetops.

You can do whatever you like

with their skulls, I suppose.

What has Gus here concerned is a SA

surface-to-air missiles you all have.

For some reason, he thinks

they were stored poorly.

No, no, no, the SA-7's

were stored properly.

Excuse me. What about the

oppression of my people?

- Oh, Zvi.

- I beg your pardon?

Fellows, we have to do this now.

I am about to arrange for

$35 million worth of guns

to be put into the hands of Muslims!

- I meant no disrespect.

- Oh, really?

Well, anyway, that...

None of this is important.

You have Soviet-licensed factories

that can put out Kalashnikovs

at a rate of 25,000 a week?

- That's correct.

- What about city warfare devices?

- What kind?

- Bicycle bombs, limpet mines,

plastic, tripwire mines?

Yes, yes. Whatever you need.

We can't improve the price now,

but when we come back for

more, we'll make it up to you.

I agree.

All right.

Hey, you did good back there

ignoring the religious sh*t.

'Cause these people are

totally f***ing unspooled,

and I'm not just talking

about the Muslims.

- Zvi's all right.

- Oh, I know he is.

He is Mossad, by the way.

What I'm talking about is

your friend in Houston.

Now, she's got to stop

throwing fundraisers...

and she's got to stop doing press.

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