Cheech and Chong's The Corsican Brothers

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History abounds

in stories of men...

who rose to meet

the challenge of destiny...

brave men, touched

by the fire and passion...

of revolution.

This is a story torn...

from the romantic and violent

pages of history...

a true story

of two noble brothers...

of the bond of sympathy

that united them...

and of their devotion

to a just cause.

Their daring adventures have

been too long unremembered...

and perhaps because they

did not seek personal glory.

But, on this bright summer day

in Paris...

fate is about to take a hand.

No!

1, 2...

Woolly bully,

please shave your jaws

Fromage

Woolly bully,

please shave your jaws

Woolly bully,

please shave your jaws

Fromage

Eggs and bacon marmalade

Everybody!

Woolly bully,

please shave your jaws

Fromage

Come on, everybody!

Woolly bully,

please shave your jaws

Fromage

Eggs and bacon marmalade

All right, got it!

OK, Sonny.

Go in there and check security.

All right, E..

Come on, sit down.

Coast clear.

I think I'll sit...

there.

Monsieur Schmengoid...

seafood plate.

Oh, man, no wonder Elvis

never toured over here.

They don't speak English.

Hey, how much money

we make today?

We made a pile today.

What's a schemgy worth today?

I don't know.

But don't you love it, man?

In America, they'd arrest us

for playin' on the street.

Here, they pay us to leave.

That's culture, hoss.

Don't you forget it.

Hey, what's this?

It's what you ordered.

Seafood plate.

Seafood plate.

Get it out of here!

Go on. The King's allergic.

Can't eat clams unless

they're attached to something.

Don't forget that.

Do you realize we've

revolutionized rock, man?

Do you know how many places...

we haven't played

where they won't want us?

That's a revolutionary thought.

Rock and roll, man.

That's what's gonna

change the world, you know?

A lot of people think

there's gonna be...

a revolution?

It's gonna be

a music revolution.

Rock and roll, man.

You! You have the mark!

Your arm! Your lip!

You have the mark!

He has the mark!

You have the mark!

Are you brothers?

Yeah, we're the Marx Brothers.

I have something

so important to tell you.

But first...I need money.

Give her some money.

It's coming...

I need more money...

It's coming...

Give her some more money.

She'll come quicker.

Money, more money...

OK.

I'll tell you the first part.

She'll tell us the first part.

A long time ago, on an island

far, far away...

Even before their birth...

the lives of the brothers were

marked by irony and intrigue.

Their father was a rich

and powerful aristocrat...

and, had it not been

for a romantic indiscretion...

of his passionate young wife...

our heroes might have been

raised as gentlemen...

and we would

have no story to tell.

...boiling water.

Basins of it!

Le chaud, le chaud!

Go away!

Widen it!

You can see the hole!

Pull...

and...

get the bar behind you!

Pull it out...

right now!

Push!

And push!

Push!

Work on it!

Push!

Push! Come on!

It's coming.

Fine!

Now, pull, pull!

Pull!

Pull!

Pull...

Oh, we made it!

Oh...

Thank God!

Now--

Oh my God!

Despite the tragic loss

of their fathers...

Lucien and Louie,

as they were called...

spent a happy childhood

humbly raised as peasants.

Ma! Ma! Ma!

Let's have it.

Mine!

Their humble upbringing

could not disguise the fact...

that these

were no ordinary peasants.

They betrayed their origins...

by a bond of sympathy

so extraordinary...

that each

could feel the joy or pain...

of the other in his place.

And as the years passed...

this would prove to be

a heavy load to bear.

I'm going to the market.

But now, you boys be good!

-Yes, Nanny.

-Yes, Nanny.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I'm sorry!

You donkey!

Come on.

Shut up.

We gotta think of a story.

A dragon came by.

A dragon came by, and he

breathed on the house...

And caught it on fire!

And it caught on it fire!

And then we killed it.

We were gonna kill it!

Yeah, we were gonna kill it...

But then it flew away.

It flew away!

And then we killed it!

And then we killed it!

And we were putting out

the fire...

We were gonna put out

the fire, and...

And the gypsies stole us!

Yeah, just before we...

put out the fire,

the gypsies stole us!

And then they...

and then they took us

across the river.

Yeah, and they killed us.

No, they were gonna kill us.

They were gonna kill us!

They tied us up

with a golden chain.

But then we killed them!

With a guitar.

We killed them all!

'Cause they were gonna come home

and kill everybody at home.

They'll believe that!

Let's go home.

-What?

-Where you going?

-I'm goin' home.

-Home is this way.

Home's this way!

Hey, you're stupid!

Home's this way!

Hey, you're cuckoo!

It's that way!

-Afraid not!

-'Fraid so!

Well, I'm goin' home!

Home's that way, stupid!

I'll be there before you.

You're gonna get lost.

'Fraid not.

Wait and see!

La cucaracha

La cucaracha

Ya no quero cominar

This looks like the place.

Hello?

Anybody home?

Nanny?

Hello?

Where's everybody?

Hello?

All right, one move

and you're dead!

Who are you and what are

you doing here?

I came home.

I used to live here

with my brother.

You're lying.

I used to live here

with my brother.

Lucien!

It's me, Luis!

Don't you recognize me?

I'm your brother Luis!

You're lying.

My brother wasn't Mexican.

Look, it's me!

Louie!

Lucien!

Where did you go?

I...

I got captured by gypsies.

And...

And...

they took me to Mexico.

You're lyin'.

You got lost, didn't you?

-I didn't get lost.

-You did!

The gypsies captured me.

I've been living

in Mexico all this time!

You look great!

But--but you look so...

so Mexican!

Well, yeah!

I'm a big landowner there now.

They call me Don Luis.

Except for when I'm mad,

they call me Crab Luis!

It's a Mexican joke.

You look...

You look terrible.

What's going on around here?

Where is everybody?

We've fallen into terrible times

since you left, my brother.

Evil men rule the country.

All our people...

are either dead or in jail.

These evil men, they...

they raped the fields

and pillaged the women.

That's evil men.

Indeed, there were

only two things...

a French peasant

could count on...

death and taxes.

And given the sometimes

overzealous methods...

of the tax collectors,

one often preceded the other.

It's good to be

back in the woods.

It's so peaceful.

It's poison oak, my brother.

Hey, brother!

Hello--

You would've been dead, buddy.

What are you doing?

Practicing for the revolution.

With a potato?

But not just a potato.

Look at this.

Get down!

What was that?

A bomb de terre!

In back of every murderous deed,

was the evil Fuckaire.

My little Poofter, eh?

You must not soil your

delicate little paws...

with this dirty

peasant, eh, Poofter?

We know what

he has been doing, eh?

He has been stealing a log

from the royal forest.

He tell it is for his oven

to warm his starving children.

Mon dieu, if you believe that

you'll believe something, eh?

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