Cheech and Chong's The Corsican Brothers Page #2

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I know what it is for.

It is to make weapons...

and he should know that weapons

are forbidden in my kingdom.

Or, at least,

the Queen's kingdom.

Or so she thinks, eh?

Oh, my lovely little Poofter,

give me a kiss.

Mon dieu!

Halitosis, eh?

My friend, you see we are

so considerate...

to you dirty peasants.

We have brought your wife

to join you for company.

Are you sitting comfortably?

You are?

We can't have that.

Stretch his legs wider.

You ever had a taco?

No, I guess they don't

have tacos in France.

I remember one time

this restaurant...

I used to work--I mean, own...

they had a contest to see

who could eat the most.

I ate 143.

And I was still hungry...

but they had to close

the restaurant.

I'm so hungry I could

eat a bowl of lard...

with a hair in it.

Here, puppy!

I want to journey

but not too fa--

Mon dieu!

My God...

I have been hit with sh*t.

Allez! Vite, vite!

Poofter, did you see what hap--

Poofter!

My God, where is

my little Poofter?

Oh, I mustn't lose my Poofter!

Excuse me, I am so sorry

to bother you...

when you are so busy,

but have you seen...

my Poofter? No?

Oh, my God!

No, no, no!

Don't come back!

Look for my Poofter!

There's a lot of meat...

on one of these

little suckers, huh?

Wonder if he wants any?

Here, puppy! Come on!

Come on.

Here we go.

Hey, you like it?

That taste good?

Guy's a vicious little dog, man,

goes right for the throat, huh?

What a hunter.

We ought to keep him

around all the time.

He belongs to Fuckaire.

No wonder he's so vicious.

That reminds me, we'd

better keep our eye out.

Fuckaire's men will be

out here looking for him.

Hey, puppy.

I'm sorry, my brother...

I should have known better.

Hey, don't worry.

We just got their dog.

What's the most

they can do to us?

Hey, man, this is not gonna be

so bad after all.

Wow, this is like

a country club.

Must be some of

the other inmates.

Hey, brother, let's

not get into a gang.

You know, that only

complicates things.

Now let's keep our noses clean,

do our good time, and get out.

Oh, wow, coed!

Hey, this is not...

gonna be so bad after all.

Man, this ain't

one of those prisons...

where they cut your hair?

Did you see that?!

Un guillotine!

-Easy, my brother.

-What?

Look at these people,

they envy us.

Do you want to be me?

I'll trade places

with you right now.

We're about the same size.

Hey, come on, come on,

look, let's--look, I'm sorry.

Hey, look, this is

all a big mistake.

Come on, man, we can--

we can work something out.

Fuckaire!

Fuckaire, we thank you...

for allowing us

the opportunity...

to show our people

how real men die.

You may kill us, Fuckaire...

but you will never

kill the revolution.

I am Corsican!

I am not afraid to die.

Allons!

Allez, allez!

Bravo, bravo.

What a great pity

that such noble words...

should be your last words.

Can I say something

for a minute?

I'm Mexican,

and I'm afraid to die.

I want to live!

And we didn't do

nothing to your dog.

And we didn't kidnap him, man.

We found him, you know.

As a matter of fact,

you should be thankful, man.

You should be giving

us a reward, you know...

but we'll let it go

and let bygones...

be bygones.

Just let it--

Be brave, my brother.

Let me be the first to die

for the revolution.

Let him be the first to die.

Sure, be the first to die.

Wait a minute,

they cut his head off...

I'm gonna feel the pain.

Wait a minute!

Corsican Brothers!

There he is!

Arrete!

Silence!

My friends...

you dirty--you peasants...

I have decided,

in my great mercy...

because...

I am so tender-hearted, eh?

To spare the lives of these

Brothers Corsican.

Hope of liberation

floated in the air...

but even as the brothers made...

their bold ascendancy

to heroism...

the missing pieces

of their complex destiny...

were now falling into place.

Their manly virtues

were observed...

by the Queen's

lovely daughters...

who hid their affections...

behind a veil

of royal upbringing.

Stop that!

He's the most gorgeous thing

I've ever seen in my life.

I think I'm in love.

I'm gonna write him

a love letter.

Well, all of that fresh air...

has certainly given me

an appetite.

Petit dejeuners!

These strawberries

certainly look good.

Mother, let the taster

do his job.

I never get to eat.

Sis, help me,

what should I say?

What a pity, you missed the end.

Three such delightful

executions!

Such blood, such vomit.

You enjoying your breakfast--

I see you've...

you've not eaten

your strawberries?

I got them for you specially.

There are so good for you.

For him, they are not so good.

He's allergic to strawberries.

We all know what you're doing.

We're not blind.

Yes, I know what you mean.

Believe me, l, too,

am disappointed...

that I had to spare

the lives of these...

Corsican Brothers.

Nothing more I wanted

than their deaths.

But, you see,

they seem so popular...

with the crowd.

But don't worry.

I have something

in store for them.

Will make the guillotine

look like child's play.

You're disgusting! Vile!

Horrible! Cruel!

Perverted!

Perverted!

Perverted!

That is the one

I wanted to hear.

You've made my day.

Perverted!

My God, it's nice to know

you're appreciated.

Believe me,

if you weren't a woman...

I could kiss you for that.

Don't be a stupid, Fuckaire!

Excuse me.

I'm still hungry.

Bring me some eggs!

Is it ready?

Yes, sir.

The oil is nice and hot, eh?

Yes, sir.

Let's see.

Keep your finger still,

you fool.

How else can I read it?

Oh, yes, 230 degrees...

Centigrade.

That's quite hot.

Make it hotter!

My friend.

Now, my dirty little peasant...

are you enjoying

my hospitality?

Yes, it's my favorite room.

You know, I've got

a surprise for you.

-For me?

-Yes...

but you must do

something for me first.

Now, I want you to entertain...

your fellow prisoners

down here, eh?

Because they have

no entertainment.

So, I want you

to stand over here...

and entertain your prisoners

in this exact spot.

It has to be exact,

you see...

because of the light

on your face, eh?

Now, you'll entertain

your prisoners...

and then I'm going

to give it to you.

You're going to have a surprise.

Hey, what kind of

a surprise is it?

Is it something you can eat?

If you like greasy food,

yes, you can eat it.

Now just stand here...

and please entertain

your fellow prisoners.

What do you want me to do?

Sing or dance or tell a joke?

It doesn't matter.

Entertain means...

you do all kinds

of things, yes.

So, you are going

to sing and dance...

anything, but you must

stay in this spot...

and do it quickly

while it's still hot.

Now, give me a chance

to get clear.

Can it be a dirty song?

Yes, sir, a dirty prison song

for these dirty prisoners...

Come on, sing!

Sing this song.

And for God's sake,

make sure you're in...

the right place for the light.

Now sing, sing, sing.

Can I have a guitar?

I can really get into it...

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