Cheech and Chong's The Corsican Brothers Page #3

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-if I had a guitar.

-You don't need a guitar, no.

You can accompany yourself

with your mustache, yes.

Now, come on, sing

your dirty prison song.

Now, come on, sing, please.

Sing it. Sing it, please!

Hey, I know another

song that's even--

You are a bloody imbecile!

All I'm asking you to do

is to stand on this spot...

and sing a song, any song.

It's hot!

Oh, my God, it's everywhere!

In every orifice!

Such a beautiful song, Fuckaire.

You should teach us the words.

I'm over here,

my brother, over here!

My brother, over here!

Easy, easy, my brother,

easy, easy!

Here it is.

Here's your lovely

drinking water.

Here, what are you doing?

Get off my bucket, will you?

Get off it! What are

you sitting on that for?

Guards! Guards!

He's done a whoopsy in my water.

Now I can't use it.

I'll have to go

and get some more now.

Listen.

The horses are in the stable.

Meet me the inn

in the village.

Now go, go!

Hey, over here, fella!

Get a horse, go to town.

Who wants to go to town?

Hey, come on, we're going

to town, big fella...

to get a drink.

You don't have to go to town!

Just sit there and be cool.

Sorry, I didn't

mean to bother you.

Why do they gotta make

these horses so big?

God, look at this one.

It's an elephant.

Want some peanuts?

Nice horse.

I need a nice, little,

small mid-size.

Maybe a little burro

with a saddle already on it.

What have you been eating?

I like horses.

I like 'em medium rare

with potatoes.

Hi, puppy.

Hi, puppy.

Want to go to town?

Oh, hey, you're nice.

Good idea. I'll be

right back. Hold on.

You got my note!

And I didn't even send it.

Hey, you!

What are you doing in here?

You're not supposed

to be in here.

Don't hide from me, I see you.

You know, you'd be

in a lot of trouble...

if someone else had found you.

Lucky I found you first.

Stand still!

Ja, let me have a look at you.

You know, I've been looking

for a stud like you.

You've got a great ass.

You're gorgeous!

I can't wait.

You know what?

Tomorrow morning,

I'm going to sneak out...

and I'm going to take

you for a long ride.

I'm going to ride you

till you drop...

then I'm going to find

a nice lake...

then I'm going to bathe you

and massage you.

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

And then I'm going

to put something on you...

to keep those horrible

flies off you.

Go, quickly!

Wait, my hanky!

Whoa, puppy!

Slow down! Stop!

El stoppo!

I forgot my hand.

Here, take this.

Hurry, quick, go!

You must go now!

Deux, trois!

It's OK, my brother.

Make a run for it.

I'll hold 'em off!

What?

My brother, wait, wait!

You're lucky, buddy.

If this had a point on it,

you would've been dead.

Wait, these are my friends!

We've been having

a drinking contest.

Look at all the money I've won.

It's OK.

He's my brother!

Yeah, it's OK.

Sit down, my brother.

I was worried about you.

Where did you go?

I went home.

I knew you'd be in trouble...

so I went home

and got me a sword.

Thanks for thinking of me,

my brother.

Well, come on, have a drink.

I never touch the stuff...

and I wish you wouldn't, either.

'Cause you're my brother!

You're my brother.

I love you, you know that?

And I love you.

Anything I got

is yours, you know?

I wanted you to know that.

And everything

you have is yours.

Do you understand?

Right, my brother.

That's mine.

Smells like horses.

Where'd you get this?

A very beautiful lady gave that

to me tonight, my brother.

She saw me in the barn...

and fell instantly

in love with me.

Poor girl.

You're lying!

'Cause the most gorgeous girl

you've ever seen in my life...

gave me this.

She's so gorgeous.

And she kissed me.

Well, my brother...

I hate to hurt your feelings.

She may have kissed you,

but she's in love with me.

She told me we're going

riding tomorrow.

You're lying!

Don't you ever talk...

about the woman

I love like that.

Stand up!

Now, she's my girl.

You got that?!

You're right.

She's your girl.

Don't you say that.

She's my girl!

Don't say she's my girl.

You're right.

She's not your girl...

she's my girl.

En garde!

A vous!

Hey, come on,

this is stupid now.

Come on!

Hey, come on, I don't

want to hurt you.

You'll never get close to me.

Come on, let's fight.

I'm not gonna fight you!

Don't embarrass me

in front of your friends.

I'm not gonna embarrass you--

That hurts, stupid!

Give me that.

Give me that!

Give me that!

There she is.

Look, there she is!

-There's two of 'em!

-There's two of 'em.

I'm finished.

Oh, you do that so good!

Oh, you like that, huh?

I've never had anybody

do that for me.

Do you think you

could do it again?

Again?

Just a little,

unless you are tired.

I'm not tired.

Good!

I could do this all day.

As a matter fact...

that's what I used to

do for a living.

I worked for a guy--

I mean, I owned...

a big horse ranch in Mexico.

-Really?

-Oh, yeah.

We had 10,000 horses.

10,000?

Oh, yeah, sure.

What kind of horses?

They were brown, mostly brown.

Did you do all the breeding

yourself?

No. We had a horse for that.

I remember one time

my cousin though--

Never mind.

You know, I can't imagine

being with anyone...

but someone that was

into horses.

You just gotta know how

to treat horses, you know?

I mean, a lot of 'em

like to be treated...

you know, just, like,

really gentle--

What's that?!

Sorry. It's just my sword.

It keeps getting in the way.

Would you like to see it?

It's OK, because I couldn't

show it to you anyway.

My father always told me...

never show your sword

unless you intend to use it.

Anyway, mine's broken.

-Broken?

-Yeah.

Why, I've mistreated it

for years.

So foolish.

I used to go around

stickin' it into everything.

Stuck it into watermelons...

just practicing.

One day I stuck it

into the dirt...

broke the tip off.

How awful.

That really hurt me.

But that's OK.

I'm gonna get a new one.

You can get new ones?

That's why I have to get

into the castle...

because that's where

they keep the good ones.

Yes!

I need a good, strong one

this time.

Francois has a really good one!

But it has to be big.

Oh...Pierre. Yes.

But his is too big.

They can never be too big...

not if you know

what to do with it.

You see, sometimes

if they're big enough...

all you have to do is show it,

and people will run.

That's what I did.

I think he really likes you.

Nice horsy.

I love horses.

They're really nice.

I got it.

I figured out a way...

for us to get

into the castle.

Good. How?

See this guy over there?

The guy in the red?

No. The guy over there.

What, the cook?

No, not the cook.

The guy over there.

What, the guy with the horse?

We steal a horse?

No, not that guy.

The guy over there!

What, the guy in the red?

That guy, right there!

That's the famous

Marquis du Hickey.

Legendary lover. Makes Casanova

look like a schoolboy.

He's a tri-sexual.

A tri-sexual?

Yeah, he'll try anything--

mud, chickens, anything.

We don't have time

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