China Seas

Stand by for the mail.

Stand by for the mail.

We know you're not a pirate.

You'll get your knife back

when we dock in Singapore.

Get on the phone

and call Scranton, PA.

- Ask about J. Wilberforce Timmons.

- Have you any arms, sir?

Just these you see

growing out of me armpits.

No excuses, Mr. Atkins,

your job is to look after this dock.

If I ever find it in this state again, I'll...

How's your wife?

She's very much better, sir.

And thank you very much for the flowers.

Don't thank me. My gardener has

to get rid of them somehow.

Who's the big shot?

Sir Guy Wilmerding,

managing director of the line.

This way, Sir Guy. Gangway, please.

Glad to have you with us again, sir.

None of that mush.

I know how glad you are.

Not bad.

Not bad at all for a synthetic stone.

You ought to know, Paul.

My lovely Olga!

- Hey, I bet that lug's tops in China.

- That's the insignia of Wing Yu-Lan.

Everything in the archipelago

pays dividends to him.

- Good morning, purser.

- Good morning, Miss Yu-Lan.

We've arranged to take your

chairs aboard in the after-gangway.

Thank you.

- Mr. Dawson, here comes the captain.

- Look at him, with a three-days hangover.

And watch him grouse.

Of all the ungrateful, brass-hearted

skippers of a rusty old teakettle...

...who thinks he's still strutting it

in the Royal Navy.

Captain.

Alan! Alan Gaskell.

I've got some last-minute cargo for you.

Ken, what are you doing up

in broad daylight?

Captain Gaskell, I want you to meet

Charlie McCaleb, the American novelist.

- How do you do?

- How do you do?

Well, Hong Kong seems to have

taken you to her bosom.

I've seen your face before. Don't tell me.

It's right on the tip of my tongue.

- Remember Johnson?

- Johnson?

- Who?

- Johnson.

- Johnny, what are you doing way out here?

- Maybe you could tell me.

No, no, this is Captain Gaskell,

the master of the ship you're on.

- Aye, captain. Coming along with us?

- Yes. Yes, I'm afraid so.

He's over here gathering material

for a new novel.

I've dragged him through wars,

riots and revolutions.

He doesn't even know he's in China.

If you should stir up anything exciting...

...shove him in a front seat

and tie his eyes open, will you?

I'm not running a nursery. I'm not stirring

up excitement for the sake of literature.

- See you later.

- Don't you worry.

I'll be right there. I'm the old

Ringside Kid. Got an eye like an eagle.

Goodbye, Captain Griscol.

I had a marvelous trip.

Ship ahoy! Ship ahoy!

Ship ahoy.

- Are you all right, Charlie?

- I cover the waterfront.

- Steward!

- Good morning, sir.

- Is that clean brass?

- Sorry, sir...

- You haven't answered my question!

- No, sir, it isn't clean brass, sir.

- You've been sampling my whiskey again.

- Yes, sir.

- Not as good as the last lot, is it?

- No, sir.

- Do something about it.

- I will.

- Thank you.

- Thank you, sir. Sir Guy wants to see you.

- Good morning, captain.

- Good morning.

So there you are.

- Morning, Mrs. Aiken.

- We were just talking about you, captain.

Mrs. Aiken tells me you've been

sensationally blotto...

...ever since you went ashore.

- Sir Guy...

- Oh, she does, eh?

If you don't like my behavior ashore

or aboard ship, you can get a new boy.

- In fact, I wish you would.

- You wouldn't go if you could.

Wouldn't I? I'm so close

to being back in England...

...I can hear Big Ben chiming.

- I've heard that for 50 years.

Only the weak ones

sneak out of the China Seas.

It's the bullheads like you that stay on.

What about a little spot

to keep your brain from addling?

I haven't the time. I've got to get

the pride of your fleet underway.

Mr. Rockwell, go to the captain's saloon.

Check those chronometers.

- Good morning, sir.

- Good morning.

Third officer isn't aboard yet, sir.

I know. I've been looking him over

at the Sepoy Hospital.

Cleaned out

High Spade McQueen's last night.

- Bad, sir?

- Yes, knife in the kidneys.

Port captain's trying to find someone

to replace him.

- What have you got in your mouth?

- Chewing tobacco, sir.

Bad enough having a ship like this

and a captain like me...

...without having a chief officer like you!

Sorry, sir. I had it in my jaw when

I came on duty, and I forgot all about it.

Mr. Willet of the Royal Canada Bank

is waiting to see you, sir.

- Just down there at your quarters.

- Thank you.

- Hello, Willet.

- Good morning, captain.

- The gold come aboard yet?

- Yes, sir.

All stowed away as we agreed?

In the steamroller.

- Good.

- Thank you, sir.

Wipe that smile off your face!

Is that your idea of clean brass?

You haven't answered my question!

Did I ask you...?

Little too big for you,

isn't it, Mr. Rockwell.

I apologize, sir. Chief Officer sent me down

to check the chronometers.

- Well, I don't keep them in my cap.

- No, sir.

- What are you going to do with that button?

- Button it, sir.

I was just hoping you weren't too

angry with me, sir.

Well, carry on.

Thank you, sir.

Excuse me, sir.

Who's in there?

- China Doll, the gal that drives men mad.

- What the devil are you doing aboard?

Nothing alarming, just showering

the dewdrops off the body beautiful.

How many hours do we have to spend

saying goodbye before it takes?

That's just the trouble, toots,

it took too good.

Gee, you were sweet to me.

Say, maybe you could use all that money

you won at the Tai Fan last night.

- Then we were there?

- We had a million laughs.

- I made 17 passes myself.

- Get on your horse. We're shoving off here...

Why so anxious to get me out?

Is that hunk of caviar making the round trip?

- What hunk of caviar?

- That redheaded Russian princess.

She isn't a Russian or a princess.

I have my doubts about her hair being red.

If she was a Chinese sextet,

it'd be the same to me.

I'm trying to get through your numskull

that I won't stand by and...

Now, wait a minute, Dolly!

You and I are friends.

We've had a lot of fun together.

And as far as I'm concerned,

you're number one girl in the archipelago.

But I don't remember making

any vows to you...

...nor do I recall asking for any.

Don't you get polite at me. When you

start talking with your high-hat on...

...I know you mean it, and it scares me.

Who do you think you are?

If I had a nickel's worth of pride...

If that's the way you feel,

I'm not in your wake.

That's just the soup I'm in.

I don't feel that way at all.

You dog.

Well, that's more like it.

Come in.

- Pilot tug's alongside, sir.

- Stand by to single up your lines.

Aye, aye, sir.

All right now, nuisance, over shore.

Look, what am I gonna do with my ticket?

It's all paid for.

I knew something's up your sleeve.

We'll get your money back.

- I got a job in Singapore. Honest.

- I suppose they've elected you mayor.

It's on the level. Hoffman sent me

a contract for the rest of the season.

I know how you feel.

I won't come near you.

No.

All right, toots, you win.

I hope you have a good trip.

Goodbye.

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