Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant Page #2

If I could just get

my flute, that usually...

Darren. His name's not Larten Crepsley.

It's Vur Horsten. He's a vampire.

I saw his painting

in one of my vampire books.

It's him. He's got the same scars,

the same hair, the same everything.

- You seriously think he's a vampire?

- Yeah.

May I have my spider back, please?

Now, boys, vampires don't exist,

but if one did

and he thought someone knew,

he might smother them in their sleep.

That's it! Show's over!

- It's Mr Kersey.

- Come on, let's go.

By order of the Health Inspector,

this theatre is shut down!

Good Lord, not again.

Welcome to the Cirque.

What seems to be the problem?

We don't want you filthy people here.

That's not the problem.

The problem is you are exploiting

these poor people for profit.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for looking out for us.

So you gonna let us move in with you?

Give us jobs?

- Freak!

So clumsy.

- I felt like a manatee. It felt terrible.

No.

Octa.

Anyone here?

Whoa.

Hey, Octa. I'm Darren. I'm a big fan.

We can speak in private. It's the only...

We can talk in private.

The police have left now.

So, this is what you've been doing

with your life.

You didn't like the act.

- I'm insane. I'm insane. I'm insane.

Well, I saw the spider bit coming.

Everybody's a critic.

It's not easy

to hold an audience's attention these days.

- To us and Charna's Guts.

- To us and Charna's Guts.

Did you see that fingernail moon tonight?

The first one in 50 years.

Yes. I noticed it.

Look, Vincent's dead.

Murdered. Sucked dry by one of them.

They're after us, man. They're after us.

They're after us!

Those damn Vampaneze!

They're gonna pick us off.

First Vincent, then you, then me.

Why me before you?

Well, because I'm the toughest,

and they'll save me for last.

Oh. Of course, I forgot.

Well, what about the Vampire Council?

They must have something to say

about Vincent.

Yes. They say good riddance.

They're a bunch of wimps now, Larten.

They'll do anything

to avoid a war with the Vampaneze.

There are no real generals left, hombre.

You and I were the last of the Mo-Freakins!

And to top it off, Tiny's back.

Mr Tiny? Back from the other side?

Yes! Just last week

he was at the Council Library,

messing with the Book of Souls.

He's trying to destroy us all!

Megalomaniac! That man's a megalomaniac!

And those murderous, scumbag Vampaneze,

they're up to something, too,

and it's all connected.

It's all connected. I can feel it!

Come with me. We can avenge old Vincent.

- Kill us some Vampaneze!

- No. I'm sorry.

No? Why?

I'm done fighting.

I left that life for a reason.

I'm just a vaudevillian.

It's a simple life, and I like it.

Steve.

I know who you are.

I know what you are, Vur Horsten.

Who sent you? The Apocalypse Monger?

The Blood Barons?

No... No one. I... No one sent me. I just...

I have these vampire books,

and I saw a painting of him

with some girl in, like, 1819.

It said that she broke up with him

when she found he was a vampire.

Did you hear that, Gavner?

Missy broke up with me

because I was a vampire.

Funny, I always thought

it was the only thing she liked about me.

Let the kid go. Let him go.

Now, are you mentally unfit?

Didn't you hear me threaten you

at the show?

I did. It was awesome.

You see, I want this.

I want you to make me into a vampire.

I mean, vampires,

they don't take crap from anybody.

They live by their own set of rules.

It's true they do have their own rules.

We wrote some of them.

Yes, and one of them

is children can't become vampires.

Look, look, blood.

Blood.

You see, Gavner, blood.

Look, if you become a vampire,

you have to leave your friends

and your family.

It's deeply depressing. Trust me.

Now get out of here.

I haven't seen my dad in years.

My mom is drunk all the time.

I absolutely hate my life.

I never actually said it before,

but it's the truth.

This is what I was meant for.

What you're meant for?

Well, if that's the case,

let's test your blood.

No. No.

Who sent you here?

Your blood tastes of evil.

You can never be a vampire.

What?

I have what, bad blood?

I'm never gonna forget this.

One day, I promise you,

I will hunt you down.

And what?

Kill me?

Do you know how easily I could kill you?

I could do it tonight.

I could knock you out

and lay you in front of a bus,

and no one would ever know!

Calm down. Save that stuff for the enemy.

He's just an idiot kid,

who should be leaving right now

while he still can.

You're out there, man.

All right. One for the road.

I'm headed back to the Mountain

to try to convince those old cowards

to stand up against the Vampaneze.

Gavner, if we kill one

of them, it means war.

Wouldn't that be a shame?

Poor old Vincent.

You've been awfully quiet under there.

Get in.

Thanks. Thanks, I really needed a ride.

Oh, absolutely, absolutely delighted.

Are you the one known as Steve?

No, I'm the one known as Darren.

I actually had a bike.

But I'll just get it

tomorrow in the daylight.

No need. It's in the trunk.

Now, if I may ask, Darren,

do you believe in the immutability

of the human soul?

The what?

So, he knows nothing of souls, does he?

Knows only of blood, huh?

The pulsing, the delicious, the ruby red.

Wow, wow, you know what?

You can just let me off right here.

What's the rush?

After all, didn't we save you

from the scary, scary vampire?

Doesn't act like leadership material.

Acts more like a bag of blood.

Are you? Huh? Bag of blood?

Shows how much you know, Murlaugh.

I think he reeks of potential.

- Ow!

- Sorry.

Souvenir.

We all have a destiny, Darren.

And with a few simple tests,

we can find out what yours is.

Wonderful to meet you, Darren.

It's like looking in a mirror.

Darren!

We'll be in touch.

Freaky dream. Freaky. Freaky.

Hey. Hey, I'm gonna try

to get you some food, okay?

Just hold on one sec. I'm gonna go

get some flies from the window sill, okay?

Hey. Why have you been acting so weird?

I'm not acting weird.

- You were just talking to your backpack.

- What?

- No, I wasn't.

- Darren, yes, you were.

- I wasn't.

- Let me... Just let me see it a second.

- You see? It's just my backpack.

- Seriously, stop it.

- Hey, give me my backpack, man.

- Hey, just let me see it.

Holy sh*t! That's... That's the...

Yeah, I went back to the theatre

after the show and I kind of borrowed it.

You stole from a vampire?

- Do you realise you're a dead man?

- Shh!

- You're a dead man!

- He's never gonna find me.

Okay, just...

Wait a second.

When did you go to Vur Horsten's room,

and what did you see?

All right, I saw everything.

Steve, are you crazy?

Why would you want to become a vampire?

Listen, you can't understand.

You have everything.

What do I have? A secret best friend?

Hey, leave it in there, okay?

- It's fine.

- I want to see it.

Be careful. Hey, be careful, okay?

Be really careful.

This thing's even more hideous close up.

Can you just put it back now, please?

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