Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant Page #5

Come on,

we gotta go clean out Wolfie's cage,

and then Crepsley left, like,

a list of stuff for you to do for him.

It looks like you're Crepsley's b*tch now.

- Evra.

- What?

Okay, so you guys are gonna do it. And go.

I can't believe

the tiny people eat these rats.

They'll eat you

if you don't watch out.

Don't!

So where do you come from anyways?

I guess I could probably,

like, open this up,

and you'd probably turn into dust

or something, huh?

You wouldn't like that now,

would you, Dracula?

Who's the boss now, baby?

Okay. Concentrate now.

How hard can it be to flit?

Ow. Perfect.

What's the point?

- I'm just not that much of a freak.

- Gertha, you're a major freak.

Sorry, you're not my type.

Do you ever miss your family?

Not really.

I joined the Cirque when I was two.

Two days old, that is.

Mr Tall found me in a dumpster.

So I guess this is my family.

Dumpster baby,

oh, dumpster baby

I wanna be your dumpster baby

No.

Hey, this is Steve. You know what to do.

- What are you doing?

- Oh, nothing.

May I see it?

- Yeah, I guess.

- I've always wanted one of these.

Hey! What are you doing?

We must be very careful

who we talk to, Darren.

Go to your tent and stay there with Evra.

Yes. I have returned.

I have returned!

Unacceptable. Unforgivable.

To blood a child?

By the way, is he drinking enough blood?

- He's not drinking any blood.

- Not drinking blood?

Crepsley, don't you know he has to?

He must.

Or perhaps you're worried

he'll love it too much.

- He might be Vampaneze at heart.

- You'd like that.

You've been favouring them

for the last 100 years.

On the contrary, I'm strictly neutral,

like the Cirque.

Correct, Mr Tall?

Correct.

Then tell us why you want him.

It's one of your self-fulfilling prophecies,

isn't it?

Well, one does dream of the cataclysm.

This truce may not last forever.

There might be new leaders.

New blood, as it were.

Perhaps a boy, a bloodthirsty boy.

It's all been written.

Then why do you care?

You're up to something, Desmond.

Me? I may write the script,

but the characters have a tendency

to do as they please.

You, for example,

have an unseemly amount of free will.

Now, Mr Tall, will you be reasonable

and give me the child?

I've always done what you ask.

I'm not one to cause trouble.

But I need to think about all this.

I won't make a decision hastily.

You know, I always get what I want,

in the end.

Keep an eye on him, my pets.

Hey, dude. Sorry, we're on our own today.

Rebecca's back in the costume shop.

- Hey.

- Hey.

I'm here for Crepsley's cape.

- It's that red one with, like, the...

- I know what Crepsley's cape looks like.

What do your friends want?

Hey! Beat it!

Does this trailer have, like,

a back entrance or something?

Yeah, it's right back there.

Wait, your pants are ripped.

Take them off. Try this pair on.

They fit.

- Yeah.

So, you know, Rebecca, you...

You never really told me

what you're doing here with the Cirque.

Well, Darren, since you ask,

I'm a monkey girl.

- You're a what?

- What?

Nothing, I thought you just said

you were a monkey girl.

Well, oh, yeah.

Yeah.

What does that mean?

It means I have a tail.

Do you have a problem with that?

No, because... 'Cause you're joking, right?

No, I'm not joking. I keep it wrapped up

because people kept stepping on it.

Oh.

Yeah.

Anyway, your pants look really good.

Yeah, I know. You picked it out.

That's really good.

Shush!

Thanks. They've been spying on me all day.

So if you were interested in a girl, okay,

and she had like...

Like a tail, let's say,

would that be a problem or...

Well, I'll put it to you this way.

If you had told me

a couple hundred years ago

that I would someday be dating a woman

with bristles on her chin,

I would have told you you were insane.

But here we are.

By the way, there's a new rule.

You're not to leave camp any more.

- Why not?

- Because I said so.

You're not my dad.

You can't just tell me what to do...

When was the last time

you were in a fight?

Uh... Second grade.

Steve's usually the one

that gets in all the fights.

Well, Steve's not here to fight for you.

And what if I wasn't, either?

What if you were alone in the dark

and someone wanted to kill you?

Rip out your heart and drink its blood?

What then?

Crepsley?

Crepsley, come on.

Crepsley?

- You're hurting me.

- What are you going to do about it? Well?

You're soft. You're a soft little boy.

They're looking for you, Darren.

This is not the schoolyard.

You either have to learn to fight or to run.

So which is it going to be?

Good. But don't use your fist.

You have something better.

Use your fingernails like a dagger. Watch.

Try it. Extend your fingers

and follow all the way through.

Use all your strength.

Ow!

- God, I think I broke a nail.

- You broke a nail?

You need blood.

We have a lot of work to do.

- Blood will have blood.

Blood will have blood.

Are you ready, you filthy little pig,

to be stuck?

Do you renounce living with the living?

Are you prepared to die with the dead?

- Steve, what the hell are you doing?

- Well, hi, Mr Kersey.

I just wanted to stop by real quick

and actually apologise for the way,

you know, I've been acting in school lately.

It's 3:
00 a. m.

My teachers troubled me when I was a lad.

They caned me and caned me

till I was bloody.

Then one day, I took up a broken switch,

and I rammed it in my teacher's eyeball.

- Who are you?

- I'm his mentor.

You see, Steve?

Ow!

This is what Crepsley wants us to live with.

So, Mr Kersey, what you got for me?

- So you really don't kill people?

- No, Darren.

You just sedate them and feed a little bit,

and then leave.

I actually developed the method.

Well, two other vampires and I,

Gavner and Vincent.

We were the freaks of the vampire world.

No one understood us.

And then they started to realise

that if you don't kill your prey every time

like a little piggy,

then you don't get hunted down by irate

townspeople with pitchforks and torches.

And now half the vampires feed this way,

and the other half hate us.

Quiet now.

Whoa! How'd you do that?

Vampires can exhale a gas

that knocks out humans.

Really?

Drink some blood,

you'll be able to do all kinds of things.

Now, we just make a small incision

in his shoulder. Right here.

And then you take a sip.

Don't worry. He won't become a vampire

unless you exchange blood with him.

Go ahead. I had some a couple of days ago.

It's very refreshing.

No, I'm not gonna drink human blood.

Hurry up, before someone sees us.

We haven't got all night.

I'm not going to.

You have to drink blood, Darren,

or you'll die. It's as simple as that.

Damn kid is gonna get himself killed.

Larten, what made you blood him?

I needed someone to run errands for me.

Oh, come on,

you didn't need to blood him for that.

I had a feeling if I didn't,

something terrible would happen to him.

Something terrible?

As opposed to becoming a vampire?

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