Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant Page #6

I think you're getting lonely.

After 200 years of living alone, why on

earth would I suddenly become lonely?

I don't know. Midlife crisis? What is it?

They're here.

Watch out!

- That's not fair.

- Back!

Darren, get out of here!

Duck!

Move.

Get in.

Psst.

Hey! Hey!

Look, I don't even like the Wolfman,

but that don't mean you can come in here

and beat up on a freak!

You're messing

with the wrong sideshow, baby!

- I'll bite your damn noses off!

- I'm gonna ram my head up your ass.

Stop!

Stop!

There'll be no fighting here.

How dare you enter this campground?

The Vampire Council will hear of this.

Tell the little vampire

it's time to come home.

It's almost dawn. I have a spare coffin

here. I suggest you get some rest as well.

Aren't we gonna, like, double back

and attack them or something?

Do you want to stay alive?

You're not even drinking blood yet.

I doubt you'd be much good in a fight.

- Well, what if they hurt someone?

- People can look out for themselves.

You've been looking out for me.

- Why?

- Why? Because I'm an idiot, that's why.

Only an idiot would spit

in the eye of Mr Tiny.

Because he doesn't just kill people,

he brings them back, as well.

And when I finally die,

I plan on staying dead.

Life may be meaningless,

but death I still have hope for.

Life isn't meaningless.

Tell me that after 200 years of it, kid.

Good day.

You know I never liked him.

I never did, either.

I told you when I first saw him.

Should never have let him in.

We all know it's his fault.

I just can't believe

he has the nerve to walk around in here.

That poor Rebecca.

They took her? Where?

I don't know,

but they said to tell you to come home.

Which, of course, you're not gonna do.

Wait, Darren, Darren. No, buddy.

Those guys are huge, man.

- Hey, Mr and Mrs Shan. Hey, Annie.

- Steve. What are you doing here?

Well, you know, I've been thinking.

You guys probably really miss your son.

And my mom is drunk half the time,

so she doesn't really notice I'm there.

How about you guys adopt me?

No interest?

Told you they wouldn't go for it.

Hmm.

How disappointing.

So few "people" have the parenting instinct

the way I do.

Ready for the prom?

Make new friends, but keep the old

One is silver and the other's gold

Make new friends, but keep the old

One is silver and the other's gold

Hey, Octa.

Say goodbye to Crepsley for me, okay?

Tell him I'm sorry but I have to go home.

It's time, isn't it?

- Twenty-six, 27.

- Twenty-seven, 27.

- All right, no, no. Twenty-eight.

- May I borrow a couple of these?

Don't forget to bring them back, though.

Both of them.

You're in danger, terrible danger.

Your life and soul are in jeopardy.

- What did I say?

- Nothing. Something about the weather.

Chance of thunderstorms tomorrow.

Don't worry. I'll stay indoors.

Applause! Applause!

Look. Little vampire.

Take a bow.

- Where are my family and my friends?

- Please.

Must have patience. Will spoil the show.

Do you like? Does Murlaugh have talent?

No? What do you know about talent?

Where is Crepsley?

Where is Crepsley?

Too bad for Crapsley.

Because he will miss the show!

Here is freak all wrapped up tight.

And here are beloved family members.

Applause. Applause.

Hello, beloved son. Hello, loving parents.

Hello, cute little sister.

Four bags of blood.

- Don't worry. You're all gonna be okay.

- Will be better than okay.

Will be delicious!

But now, may I present

reunion with oldest friend

and blood brother,

with he that shall one day rule us all,

the one known as Steve.

Thank you! Thank you!

- Steve.

- You're alive?

You know, that was really

an a**hole thing for you to do.

Make your whole family and

your secret best friend go through all that?

Look, I didn't mean to hurt anybody, okay?

Who cares what you meant to do?

What you did was take my place.

That was my dream.

- Steve, what are you doing with him?

- Who? Murlaugh?

Come on, man, he's not as bad as he looks.

You know, for one thing,

he didn't say I had bad blood like Crepsley.

And for another thing, he didn't lie to me.

And you know what?

They think I'm awesome.

They say I have a destiny, or whatever.

Look at you.

Who wants to be a vampire anyways?

Vampires suck.

- Vampaneze rule!

- Juicy!

First guy I killed, Mr Kersey.

Blood just gets me going,

you know what I mean?

I wouldn't know.

I haven't been drinking any.

I know you. Always trying to look like

Mr Goody-Two-Shoes all the time.

I bet you'll, like, resist drinking blood

and resist drinking and resist drinking it,

at the last second

become this total bloodhound!

All right, man, here's the deal.

See, the fat guy, he still wants you

on the team, and despite everything else,

you are still my best friend.

So I'll tell you what,

I'll make you a deal

that might just save your ass.

If you kill your family,

I'll let the freak go.

Wait. My bad, that's backwards. If you

kill the freak, I'll let your family live.

What? Let the juicy one go?

Hey, look, man, it's part of the plan.

Talk to Mr Tiny.

So what do you say?

Just kill her.

Oh, yeah, you got to drink her blood, too.

You can do her in with this.

Wait!

Allow him in, gentlemen.

I want to see this play out.

Man, that was pathetic. You're totally weak.

You need some blood.

- Murlaugh.

- Finally.

And we thought you weren't gonna show.

I hate spiders!

Darren. Come here.

Okay.

- Is that your tail?

- Well, yeah.

I'm really sorry I got you involved in this,

okay? I...

Please stop staring.

So you really need blood?

- Yeah.

- All right.

Can you just take a little? Go ahead.

I'm offering it to you.

- Thanks. But I just can't lose it.

- What?

Whatever's still making me human.

Darren, being human's not about

what you are. It's about who you are.

No.

He's all yours, lad.

Good. Right in the heart.

So fair and foul a day I have not seen.

My people aren't weak like yours.

They will avenge me, Crepsley.

The truce, 100 years, is over.

The war begins.

Marvellous. Magnificent.

Really. Bravo. Bravo.

It's just like you said. We started the war.

It won't start a war

if nobody hears about it.

Young people today

are so difficult to control.

- I hate you.

- I hate you!

I became a vampire to save you, Steve.

Thanks.

Go ahead. Just do it!

That's enough, boys.

Steve, come with me.

- Not before I kick his...

- You will behave!

It's not time for you to fight. Not yet.

- What does that mean?

- Oh, it's all written down in a book.

You do read books, don't you?

Steve.

Look, don't... Don't go.

What else am I supposed to do, man?

Live with you and a bunch of freaks?

It's too late now.

I have my destiny, and you have yours.

How poignant.

The parting of two dear friends.

Such sweet sorrow.

Then again,

you will come home to us one day.

My prodigal son.

After all, you are the bloodthirsty one.

No. Just because I'm a vampire

doesn't mean I'm bloodthirsty.

It's not about what you are.

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