City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold Page #2

Come on, it's your birthday. Let's go.

- What if he was a narcoleptic?

- Who?

Curly.

Curly? The trail boss?

They go into these trances

where it looks like they're dead, but...

- they're not.

- He was dead. We checked.

He was...

Why are you even thinking about this?

I thought I just saw Curly on the train.

That's who I was chasing after.

Yeah, right.

We buried him alive.

He was underground for a year...

got up, dusted himself off...

and got on the commuter train

to New Rochelle.

That makes sense.

You're right.

I must just be tired, that's all.

Honey, I'm home.

Guess who's coming to dinner?

So you knew he was coming?

- Yeah, I invited him.

- How could you do that?

- What are you saying?

- I'll leave.

You know I can't stand him.

- Oh, my God.

- Honey, this is Phil, our friend.

I'm not talking about Phil.

You thought I meant Phil?

No, Phil.

I love you.

Then what are we talking about?

- Then you don't know.

- No, I don't.

Can I buy a vowel?

- Your brother's here.

- Oh, no.

Glen? Crazy Glen?

What do you mean, he's here?

What do I mean? He's here!

He's in our den,

watching a Spanish soap opera.

How is he? How did he seem?

He came in and asked me

to make him a sandwich, no crust...

then started making long distance calls.

Oh, God.

First, he did three scenes

from Godfather II.

He still does that? I love that.

I'm warning you.

If you mention The Godfather to him...

I'll rip your arms out

and beat you to death with them.

This started as a good birthday.

- What's he been up to?

- Nothing. He's the vice president of Lazy.

He goes from one family member

to another...

stays there until they throw him out.

He borrows money.

Borrows indicates an intent to repay.

He gets jobs that aren't jobs.

We only hear from him through

change of address cards. He's lost.

He's a lost soul, he's a dented can...

He's behind me, isn't he?

Buenos dias.

Hello, Glen.

- How was your sandwich?

- Delightful.

I'm sorry about what I said.

Water off a duck's back. Come here.

Look at you, you're still

the world's smallest big brother.

- Hey, Glen.

- Phil.

Long time no see. How are you?

I'm getting divorced, I'm living alone...

struggling for a reason to live.

Too much information for me.

I cannot get over this place.

I mean, look at it.

You got birds and trees, and you got

those fish and you got a cow...

By the way...

- there is something wrong with your cow.

- What?

I thought I'd help out with the chores,

you know, so I figured...

milk the cow.

I reach under there

and I'm pulling and tugging.

Nothing, not a drop.

The cow's name is Norman.

You were pulling on his dick.

I'm gonna go wash up.

Let me ask you a question:

Who had Frankie Pentangeli killed?

The Rosato Brothers.

Who gave the order?

I love this.

There was this kid...

I grew up with.

He was younger than me, looked up to me.

We did our first work together.

Worked our way up the streets. Things

were good. We made the most of it.

I got to change.

During prohibition,

we ran molasses into Canada.

Made a fortune.

Ran molasses to Canada.

You should run brains to your head.

I can't believe you two

are from the same gene pool.

- He's from the shallow end.

- When's he leaving?

I'll talk to him tonight.

Hi, Dad. Happy birthday.

- Thanks, Holly. Did you see your uncle?

- He borrowed $10 from me.

- Have you seen your brother?

- He's hiding from Uncle Glen.

Find him and tell him

we're leaving in a few minutes.

Who's that?

It's Curtis. I invited him to come with us.

- Curtis? The lab experiment?

- Dad!

I know you like him, but it's my birthday

and I wanted this to be a family thing.

- Mom!

- Answer the door.

I don't trust this Curtis.

He's got eight million earrings,

his nose is pierced...

He's no boy, he's a fishing lure.

This is the business we've chosen...

What do we do about him?

We were supposed to be alone tonight.

I was planning to make noise.

I'll send him home with Phil. It's perfect!

Tonight is our night.

Tonight, I'm the Energizer Bunny.

Someone put a bullet through his eye.

Are you relaxed now?

It's time.

- I'm going to change.

- Change?

Into what?

Your husband's out of town?

- What?

- Nothing.

It's just something that helps me.

I'm Antonio, dance with me.

Oh, baby.

I look like a schmuck.

What's this?

What did you have in your hat, Curly?

What the hell is this?

'"$1,000,000 in gold.

'"I took it, you find it.'"

- What the...

- Mitch!

- I'm ready.

- Just a second.

Happy birthday.

Wow.

If I scream too loud...

tough.

I'm done.

What happened?

- I just...

- There was, I think, too much anticipation.

You know, and you look so great.

And the kissing was great,

really wonderful, topnotch kissing, and...

it's better this way.

For whom?

You. I mean, for us, I mean...

because now...

that one's out of the way, and

in 10 minutes the new shift comes on...

and I'll be in total control.

So, go hide in any room in the house

and I'll go look for you.

- What?

- Go. It'll be great.

Any room in the house.

I guess I got you too excited.

Go hide.

I'm hiding.

I don't believe this!

- Mitch?

- Okay.

I feel your pain.

Tell me again. Last year

you buried someone you were fond of?

Someone I was very fond of.

With whom I had a very good relationship.

But now this dead individual

seems to be following me.

- Excuse me?

- I am plotzing, I am seeing him...

You listening to this nut?

He's crazy.

- Are you seeing him now?

- Gotta go.

- 'Morning.

- Are you busy?

Actually, could I talk to you for a second?

What?

You know what, forget about it.

I love to hear about

other people's problems.

Makes me feel normal.

I know that this will sound crazy, but...

I saw him again.

- Who?

- Curly.

Oh, God, Mitch.

Last night in the rain, outside my window.

I ran out, but he was gone.

I'm telling you, we buried him alive.

He is pissed, and he wants his hat back.

- I'm taking you home.

- No, let me explain.

Nobody returns from the dead

for their hat.

- Lf this was in it?

- This was in Curly's hat?

It was sewn in the hat band.

Read this.

'"West Pac, eat my dust.

I took it, you find it.

'"$1,000,000. L. Washburn.'"

Who's L. Washburn?

- No idea.

- What is this?

I think it's a treasure map.

- No kidding?

- I'm not imagining this, right?

There's a piece missing.

But it shows the trail

and the X where it's buried.

$1,000,000! I got those Time-Life books

on the Old West...

and I read there's money buried all over

that's never been found.

I bet this map tells you where it's buried.

Tells you where what's buried?

Phil's grandmother.

What's up? We're really busy.

I'm going to do

a little more research on this...

Grandma.

Wow, this is a big office.

It's not that big.

'"Mitch Robbins, Station Manager.'"

- What is it? I'm a little bit busy.

- Nothing.

That's great you got Phil a job.

That's really nice.

- What's it been, about five months now?

- Yeah.

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