City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold Page #3

I called you about six months ago,

and asked if there were any openings...

and you said there wasn't anything.

Then a month goes by...

something opens up, and Phil gets it.

My tough luck, I guess. Or bad timing.

I always try to take care of you.

Take care of me?

Mikey, you're my kid brother,

and you take care of me?

You're my kid brother.

My name is not Mikey.

Send Fredo to do this,

send Fredo to do that.

- I'm smart.

- Stop.

I'm smart, I want respect!

Would you stop with this Godfather stuff!

You want to talk about this? Seriously?

'Cause you have a job for a friend

and not for a brother.

And don't tell me he's special, all right?

I like Phil, but let's face it...

he's a lamb chop short of a mixed grill.

So when you say...

I'll tell you something, and I'll be honest.

I didn't want you to work here

because I can't count on you.

I have tried to help you in the past

and you embarrassed me, frankly.

- When?

- When? The ad agency thing?

Bob Richardson gave you that job

as a personal favor to me.

And you let him down.

Bob Richardson said terrible things

about you behind your back.

I had a fight with him.

I said I don't care who he is,

he can't talk about my brother like that.

And I refused to work there anymore.

He told me you never showed up.

Oh, that Bob Richardson.

That guy. He...

I'll just deal with the fact

that my brother thinks I'm an idiot.

Don't turn this into an opera.

I don't think you're an idiot.

No? Never once in your life

did you ever say you were proud of me.

For what?

Thanks.

Damn it!

Glen, wait a second. Come here.

- Glen, come here.

- Let go of me, you big bully.

Come here! Listen to me. I'm sorry...

but you set me up for that.

You've a right to feel how you feel.

Would you please listen to me?

Friday, I'm going to Las Vegas.

There's a big convention.

Why don't you come with me and Phil?

I'll introduce you,

you'll meet people, make contacts.

Maybe something'll come of it...

if you're really looking for a serious job.

- Okay?

- Hey, Mitch. Come on. I found some...

Grandma.

Can you loan me $10?

And then it just hit me.

West Pac:
Western Pacific Railroad.

I'll bet you that $1,000,000

is from a train robbery.

$1,000,000!

A little louder, some of the crack dealers

didn't hear you. Thank you.

Get you a little decaf.

I got it!

Look at this.

'"June 12, 1908.'"

That's what it says on the map!

What could Curly have to do with this?

In 1908 he wasn't born yet.

Look at this.

The starting spot on the map, Spencer...

it's only 65 miles from Las Vegas.

This is fate!

Up yours.

'"$1,000,000 in gold bars lost.'"

That was then.

Gold is 10 times more valuable now.

Twenty!

$20,000,000!

Sorry. What am I doing?

I'm getting crazy! This is ridiculous.

It's not crazy.

It's all fitting into place. Look.

I got the trial of the train robbers.

'"Leader of the gang, Lincoln Washburn... '"

- L. Washburn!

- I don't believe this.

'"...challenged the authorities.

'I took it, you find it', he said.

'"So far, none of the gold

has been recovered.'"

None of the gold has been recovered.

- Let's do it.

- Do what?

- Go after the gold!

- Are you serious?

From Las Vegas, let's go to Spencer,

follow the map and see where it leads us!

- You're getting a little excited.

- You're damn right.

This could be the opportunity of a lifetime.

Holy...

You are out of control.

Stop and think a minute.

Why would Curly keep something

like this in his hat?

He couldn't take a filing cabinet

on the cattle drive.

I mean, why put the map into his hat?

Why didn't he go get the treasure?

Maybe he never got around to it.

He never got around to it?

For $20,000,000 you'd budget your time.

Mitch!

When I saw this map, I got excited, too.

But we can't just go nuts. I mean, I'm 40!

What does that mean?

I don't know!

Come on!

If you showed me

what any of this has to do with Curly...

then I would believe you.

Then I would say, '"It's real.'"

But you can't. So it isn't.

Meet Lincoln Washburn.

Hi, honey, I'm in Las Vegas.

Yeah, at the convention.

We're just sitting out here

relaxing by the pool.

Weather's hot, about 120...

but dry, so you don't even notice it.

Honey, listen, here's the thing.

They had some sort of an electrical thing

at the hotel.

I don't know. It was a thing.

The switchboard blew up.

What the hell am I doing?

No calls coming in, no calls going out.

So you have to call me on the cellular,

'cause I'll have it with me every second.

All right. So don't call the hotel...

call me.

I've got to go, honey.

We're going to see Siegfried and Roy.

I love you, too. 'Bye.

You lied to her.

What was I going to do, tell her the truth?

That I'm jeopardizing my career to rent

burros and go hunting for buried treasure?

I'm sure she'd be real supportive.

You know,

this whole situation drips with irony.

- Does it?

- Oh, drips.

What if it was my idea instead of yours?

If I was bagging my job to hunt treasure?

You'd be saying,

'"Same old crazy, irresponsible Glen.'"

But you do it and it's all right.

How do you explain that?

Listen...

we know it's a day and a half to the gold

and a day and a half back.

We'll be back Monday, tops.

Wait. Why are you

making me feel guilty about this?

Shouldn't you be grateful

we included you?

If it's real, your share could be $7 million...

Everything's set.

Good. Where's my other friend?

He's inside, settling up with my partner.

That's a lot of stuff for

a couple days camping. Shovels, ropes...

Well, actually...

we're seismologists from Caltech.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

Do you know anything

about geology or earthquakes?

No.

Well, the continental plates

are in a state of extreme...

seismic tension...

throughout this entire

igneous, polygamous, Jurassic...

Hasidic region.

And when the plates

get in that state of tension...

what we have to do is dig down...

and relax them.

Golly.

Well put.

So there's this guy's picture

in an old newspaper...

and he looks just like the guy

with the map in his hat.

It must have been

his father or his grandfather...

but that's what convinced us

the gold is really there.

Phil.

I don't really believe much

in this treasure-hunting business...

but I sure do wish you boys

a whole lot of luck.

- We didn't want to look stupid.

- That's all right.

A lot of you city boys come up here

thinking you'll dig up some gold.

Hell, it keeps us in business.

- Let's get started. Thank you very much.

- Oh, sure thing.

- All right!

- Now, you boys be careful.

Turn your boots upside down at night,

watch your step, watch where you squat.

Squat?

A city boy came here about a year ago.

He was squatting to do his business...

a rattlesnake got him right in the keister.

See you in a couple of days, I hope.

Did you tell him your entire life?

- Of course not, I just...

- Phil!

I'd think twice before going back

to your wife.

It'd be like sticking your balls

in a bear trap.

That would be a bad thing, right?

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