City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold Page #5

They're behind me, aren't they?

Howdy, boys.

What a coincidence.

We were just talking about you.

- What are you doing here?

- We followed you.

Isn't that nice, huh? Talk about service.

Everything is great.

The equipment, the food...

That jerky, forget about it.

Better than Mom's, but she used onions...

We want the map!

Map?

The one old Stretch there told us about.

Oh, the map.

Like you said, we're like all those dumb

city boys who come looking for treasure.

Nope.

This cowboy kept this map in his hat,

and that means it was something special.

- And if his daddy did that holdup...

- We want that map!

- Don't make us look for it.

- Fellas, come on now.

I know what you're feeling,

I've been there.

I'm still there.

You feel like you have no control

over your life...

that nothing makes sense...

It's in the saddle bag.

Come on, you can't leave us like this.

We won't make any trouble.

We've got families, we've got kids.

Let us go and we'll forget the whole thing.

- Absolutely.

- Not me.

If I ever see either of you, I'll kill you!

Will you shut up?

Pig-boy!

That's my wife. I really should take this.

So if you'd just pull it out

and press '"Send'"?

Looks like you won't be talking

to her after all.

All right, look...

you got two choices.

We can leave you here, and animals

will smell your flesh burning in the sun...

and will come down here

and chew you up pretty bad.

Or?

We can shoot you in the head right now.

I think we shoot them right now.

Got any last words?

Curly, I knew it! You're alive!

I swear, we thought you were dead.

We didn't know.

Please, Curly.

I'm sorry we buried you,

but you looked so dead.

Sorry, Curly.

I'm not Curly.

I'm Duke.

Duke?

Curly was my brother.

Your brother?

Brother?

The other night...

it was you on the train to New Rochelle,

wasn't it?

Yeah.

And I was outside your window that night.

You have a lovely home.

Thank you, we did a lot of work.

Where you were used to be a tool shed.

The other side was a total disaster.

The wood rot...

Where is my brother's map?

The map. They got the map.

You gave them...

- You gave them my brother's map?

- No, it's okay.

- They don't have the real map.

- What?

What do you mean?

It's the map you gave me.

I didn't make you a real copy, I changed it.

- Why?

- In case something like this happened.

You didn't trust me.

I drew you a copy that led to the highway!

I wanted you to be safe.

No! You thought I'd sneak off

and steal the gold.

No, I didn't. L...

Would you two pixies knock it off?

Where's the damn map?

What the hell are you staring at?

Curly's twin, I can't get over it.

Well, get over it...

or I'll turn you into twins.

Oh, I see.

That piece was missing when we found it.

And I accidentally burned that hole.

Can't tell you how often my daddy

put me and my brother on his knees...

and told us about this treasure.

He said we'd all go out together

when the time was ripe...

- when they weren't watching him.

- Why did you wait so long?

If Curly had the map, why didn't you...

We didn't know there was a map

till a year ago.

Our mom died.

She was 95.

Stabbed at a bar fight.

She gave Curly the map on her deathbed.

He wrote to me, told me to come home,

that we'd be rich.

Till then,

he was going to keep it under his hat.

Where were you?

You writing a book?

No.

By the time I got back...

Curly had died on a cattle drive.

Dumb son-of-a-b*tch.

His pal, Cookie...

told me that you had his hat,

so I came looking for you.

Found you, didn't I?

Why didn't you just knock and tell me?

Why did you scare the life out of me?

Because I didn't know

what kind of guy you were.

And I wasn't sure

you knew about the map.

If you didn't...

I sure wasn't going to tell you.

Then you came out here,

I figured I'd let you do all the work...

and then just take it from you.

You guys ought to head back to town.

Back, what do you mean, back?

Your mommies will be worried about you.

Thanks for the map.

Hey, wait a second, you can't...

I can't what?

Nothing.

That's it, I guess.

What the hell do you want?

You may look like Curly,

but you're nothing like him.

Curly was a good man, a decent man.

He had dignity.

He wouldn't like to see you

treating his friends like this.

- You were his friend?

- Yeah.

As a matter of fact,

he changed my whole life.

I was really confused,

and he told me that one thing...

He told you about that one thing?

Yeah. And if he was here

and saw what you were doing...

he would kick the living sh*t out of you.

So, Curly told you about the one thing.

He must have liked you.

He did.

You and your friends want to ride along...

As partners?

Hell, half of what's up there

is more than I'll ever need.

Half?

You mean, you get a half

and the three of us have to split a half?

Which is fine. I'll go along with that.

Just remember something.

Don't mess with us, pal.

We're from New York.

You ever talk to me like that again...

and I'll turn your balls...

into earrings. Understand?

Go for it.

We're close. Less than a day.

Can you hear it?

That's the gold, it's singing to us:

'"Come and get me.'"

Curly was wrong, there are two things.

Whatever the hell this is...

and gold.

Let's go get it.

Phil, you won't meet women sitting

at home reading those Time-Life books.

You gotta get out, go places.

If a woman wants someone like me,

she goes to the pound...

and gets herself a three-legged dog.

If this isn't too personal a question...

when's the last time

you were with a woman?

Saturday.

Saturday will be a year.

If I'd known

I would have gotten you a cake.

Who was she?

- This girl I met on the cattle drive.

- Bonnie.

Right, Bonnie. She was cute.

She was really sweet, too, but...

I was two weeks out of my marriage.

I was just a huge sack of tears.

Wonder if I still know how to do it?

Come on, it's like riding a bicycle,

only you're naked.

Speaking of which, did you ever

walk in on our parents doing it?

No.

- Why, did you?

- Yes.

- Really?

- Worst thing I've ever seen.

It's a horrible thing for a little kid to see.

This was three weeks ago, in Florida.

- Did you walk into the bedroom?

- It was in the kitchen.

Apparently it was spontaneous,

because Pop still had his hat on...

the one with fake grass and a golf ball.

It was horrible.

Wax fruit flying every place, dog barking...

my kids' pictures flapping up and down

on the refrigerator.

- Okay, stop it.

- Pop was working hard.

'"Enough of that, did you take the car in? '"

I think that's beautiful.

Not from my angle.

Two people in love after all those years,

that's great.

Great? An hour later we ate on that table.

You okay?

- First time on a horse in 50 years.

- What? But you're a cowboy.

I was born around here,

but left when I was 15.

Where did you go?

World War II.

Lied about my age and joined the Navy.

First look at the big blue. After the war...

Merchant Marine, charter boats,

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