City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold Page #6

anything to stay on the ocean.

Been around the world 21 times.

Curly loved the land.

I loved the sea.

So you're like surf and turf.

- You thought that was funny?

- No.

I'm just thinking what I'd like to do to you.

Look at that.

Look at how great he looks.

Majestic, you know?

I had a dream about a horse like this.

I want to ride alongside him.

Why?

To see what it's like

riding alongside a wild animal.

It's like going on vacation with Arlene.

Come on.

Where did he go?

Sh*t!

Where did he go?

Quiet.

- What is that?

- It's an earthquake.

Go! Go!

He's got friends, get out of here!

Stampede!

Holy sh*t!

Go! Go!

Let's head for the trees. Come on, go!

Let's go, come on.

Oh, no! Duke!

- I lost the goddamn...

- Forget the map, come on!

- Son-of-a-b*tch!

- Let's get out of here!

I'm going after Glen.

Help!

Mitch!

Help!

I'm coming!

- Pull them up!

- Which ones?

Get to the front and pull them up!

I can't!

Mitch!

One...

two...

Mitch!

What are you doing?

I'm saving you, you schmuck.

Glen, the wagon's coming apart!

- What?

- You'll have to jump.

We're coming to the edge,

you've got to jump now!

- I can't!

- Jump!

- I can't!

- You pain in the ass...

listen to me, for once.

Get your fat ass out here, and jump now!

Come on, jump...

now!

- Mitch, do something!

- Hold on!

- Are you okay?

- Yeah.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

You can let go now.

Soon.

You saved my life!

You are amazing!

And the way you did it...

This is a whole lot different

than just sucking on Phil's ass.

Excuse me?

Did I hear right?

- Yeah, Phil thought that a snake bit him...

- I don't care.

Now, whatever went on before...

stops now.

Is this real bad?

It looks like...

you spent the night

with a Singapore hooker.

Great, that's it.

I'm dead.

- They're just scratches.

- No, you don't get it.

Barbara can't reach me.

By now, she's called the hotel in Vegas...

and realized that I've been lying to her.

Then I return with scratches on my back?

That's it, it is over. I'm divorced.

By this time next week,

I'll be having a candlelit dinner with Phil.

Well, pick a night, 'cause the map is gone.

Everything's been trampled:

The food, tents, sleeping bags...

What's left?

Three miner's helmets

and a tube of Chap Stick.

What's the difference?

The only thing that mattered

was that map.

- This is all my fault.

- Your fault?

I dropped it.

You wouldn't have,

if I hadn't frolicked with some stallion.

I'm sorry, Duke.

I'm really sorry.

If we don't get lost, will we make it

back to town before we starve to death?

It's only a day and a half.

I can use every second...

to think of another lie to tell Barbara.

If you guys go home...

I'm not splitting the treasure with you.

- What? You're not coming back with us?

- No. The gold is that way.

Yes, but the grand-slam pancake breakfast

at the Mirage is that way.

Duke, we've got no map.

What will you do? Wander around

hoping to stumble onto the gold?

Something like that.

Please don't take this the wrong way,

but you're insane.

Insane is coming this far

and then just going back.

If you guys want to go home, go ahead.

But, that gold...

That's the only dream I've got left.

'"Over the buffalo's back...

'"and under the frozen people.'"

What?

'"Over the buffalo's back

and under the frozen people! '"

That's the rest of the map.

How do you know?

You never even saw the real map.

I saw it yesterday for a minute

when we were looking for the hand.

This isn't memorizing a movie,

or telling how many letters are in '"falafel'".

Seven. Now, I'm telling you...

that gold will be in our hands

by tomorrow night.

I can draw you the exact map.

I can get us there.

All you have to do is trust me.

Mitch, please...

for once in your life...

just trust me.

Trust you?

Are you sure it said, '"buffalo's back'"?

We haven't seen anything

that looks like a buffalo's back. Nothing.

You know something?

You have not stopped whining

since we started.

It's like going on vacation

with an ambulance.

Shut up! You shouldn't even be on this!

Yeah? If it wasn't for me,

we wouldn't even be here.

Freezing to death!

Hurry, it's going out!

That's the last one.

Good night.

Good night? How about good-bye?

We're going to die up here.

The sun's up in...

five hours.

Tomorrow morning

we're all going to be rich.

Hey, look, guys...

we're really in trouble here.

In case we never find our way out...

and I die first...

eat me.

Eat you?

I mean, if you're starving to death.

Eat you? I don't even like

talking to you on the phone.

I'm willing to sacrifice myself

for the good of the group.

'"Eat me'"?

What a lovely image: '"Eat me.'"

Glen, I'm still hungry.

Is there any more Phil?

Pass the Phil.

He's even good cold!

Great party, thanks to Phil.

All right, so don't eat me.

Jesus Christ!

What a bunch of little pisspots.

Maybe if we huddled together,

we could share our body warmth.

I read in my Time-Life book

people can survive that way.

I mean, we're three 98.6s.

How much is that, Glen?

295.8. That's too hot.

So, what are you saying?

Well, I'm saying...

we should hug.

All night?

Yeah.

Okay.

Come on, Glen.

Easy.

Hold still. I'm trying to sleep.

You know what?

It is a little warmer.

Hey, guys?

What about Duke?

What about him?

Shouldn't we invite...

- invite him to...

- To what? To join us?

- What are you, crazy?

- Look at him.

He could die.

This isn't right.

Who's going to ask him?

- You've been getting along with him best.

- Don't make me do this.

Go.

Save my place.

Duke?

- Yeah.

- The guys and I were wondering...

if you'd like to come back

to our place and...

you know, maybe we could all...

All what?

Hug.

Holy God.

- I'm up here with a goddamn musical.

- No.

What I meant was...

body warmth.

And if we press against each other...

Come on, you could die up here.

Maybe.

Curly...

ever mention me?

Well, Curly wasn't really

what you'd call gabby.

He wasn't that chatterbox

that you remember from your youth.

- When was the last time you saw him?

- Oh, God, long ago.

But when you have a twin...

you see him every time

you look in the mirror.

Sometimes you don't know

what you have, until...

Till you don't have it anymore.

I liked having a brother.

Did Curly...

die happy?

Does anybody?

Well, I think he did.

One of the last things he said to me was,

'"There's nothing like bringing in a herd.'"

It must be how you feel

when you're at sea.

I lost my boat in a squall

about two years ago.

Half-squall.

I just wasn't a good enough sailor,

so I came ashore.

What have you been doing since?

A friend of mine's son...

opened a seafood restaurant in San Diego,

The Happy Pirate.

- I work there.

- You're the manager?

I am the happy pirate.

Bird on my shoulder, pirate hat...

one hand's a hook.

'"How would you like

your burger cooked, matey? '"

Sometimes I can't stand it, I want

to spit in their goddamn clam chowder.

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