Class of Nuke 'Em High

'Attention! Attention!

We have a situation on sub-level 3.

'A situation on sub-level 3.

'All personnel, please report

to emergency stations.

'All personnel,

report to emergency stations.'

What are we gonna do, sir?

What are we gonna do?

Danger?

There's no danger, governor.

We have the situation well in hand.

How bad was the leakage?

Radioactive water is leaking

from sub-level 3.

- It could contaminate the whole town.

- That's not so bad.

Block off the area,

scrub it down, just to be safe.

But sir, if we could just shut down

for 48 hours...

Shut down? They'll investigate us.

The EPA, the NRC...

Not to mention the PTA on my ass

for the next six years. Are you insane?

- But sir, I think that...

- I don't give a wet fart what you think.

This plant stays open.

~ If you think so much of him ~

~ Why don't you run back to him? ~

~ When I hear you call his name ~

~ It just doesn't feel the same ~

~ If you need more than I can give ~

~ If you need something

that I can't deliver ~

~ Turn around before it's too late ~

~ Believers shouldn't hesitate ~

~ I had my chance - I couldn't see ~

~ Oh, oh, oh, oh,

emotional refugee... ~

Shut up!

Where's Eddie Harold?

Oh, he told me to tell you he was sick.

Well? Do you know

what's wrong with him?

Yeah, he's sick of this class.

You wouldn't be laughing so hard

if you knew what kind of grades you made

from those papers

you handed in yesterday.

The only person who put any effort

into his project is Dewey...

...to whom I gave an A+.

'Can I have

your attention, please.'

This is a routine

nuclear emergency evacuation drill.

In case of an accident

at the nearby nuclear power plant,

'we have to be able to evacuate

the school quickly and efficiently.

'So, teachers, line up your students

next to the door,

'until a hall manager

can escort them out to the bus.'

All right, class, line up by the door.

So, how are things going with Chrissy,

if you know what I mean?

Hey, Dewey,

get your hands off of me, OK?

- So, how are things going, man?

- What are you talking about?

I mean, are you ever

gonna get in her pants?

Dewey! Dewey!

Will you get your hands off of me!

Fight, fight, fight...

Dewey, I hope

it wasn't something I said.

Dewey, Dewey, get off!

Fight, fight, fight...

Hold it!

Dewey's dead!

Well... that's one way

to evacuate the building.

~ Nuke 'Em High ~

~ Nuke 'Em High ~

~ Nuke 'Em High ~

~ Nuke 'Em High... ~

Warren, look!

What are they doing?

I don't know. I guess

they must be taking radiation levels.

It's better to be safe than sorry,

especially after what happened

with Dewey.

~ Outside of the classroom walls ~

~ The geiger-counter tells it all ~

~ Can't see or feel,

smell or taste ~

~ The remnants of nuclear waste ~

~ I just really want to know... ~

Look, it's Paley.

Is there a connection

between the suicide

of the Tromaville high school student

yesterday and this plant?

Don't be ridiculous.

Excuse me, please.

~ What's going on ~

~ At Nuke 'Em High? ~

~ What's going on at

Nuke 'Em High? ~

So far we have found no connection

between an unfortunate student

and this facility.

In fact, we have uncovered

that the victim had not one,

but two microwave ovens,

which we believe

to be a contributing factor.

- Hi, Warren.

- Hey, Chrissy. How was the bio test?

Ugh! I got frog guts all over my shirt.

Eugh!

Hey, Warren! How's it hangin'?

Eddie, come here.

Unless you want Cathy here

to see your ears ripped off,

I suggest you make with the hockey-stick

and get the f*** out of here, all right?

Hey, don't worry!

Cathy and I have some extra-curricular

activities to take care of.

I'll see you later at the gym, huh?

Hey! Down here, Cathy.

- You wanna go in?

- Mm-hmm.

You disgusting pig!

Nuclear power is clean,

safe and efficient.

The good citizens of Tromaville

depend on us.

This plant will be here

long after most of you are gone.

Hey, Chrissy, give me a hand.

Greg! I can't believe any college

will take you next year!

- You're so gross!

- Gross, huh?

You should have seen the girl

I picked up in the video arcade Saturday.

She was gross!

What a hairy ass!

Yeah, speaking about gross,

what do you think about poor old Dewey?

Yeah, I know!

I mean, it's a shame -

the poor kid just went and flipped out.

Who would have figured goody-goody

Dewey as a psycho?

Yeah, I always thought

he was an ass-wipe, myself.

I can't believe you guys.

So, how do you explain

all the weird things going on around here

since the plant opened?

Remember Mrs Brooks

losing all of her hair

and breaking out in those

scutty-looking sores overnight.

She looked better that way.

Now, come on, guys, look.

I mean, Chrissy has a point.

A lot of people around here

have been acting nuts.

There's no radiation

around here.

We're too far away from the power plant,

at least a quarter of a mile.

Besides, even if there was a little radiation

around here, who gives a sh*t?

It may just be my woman's intuition, guys,

but something's going on!

- Look around you.

- Whoa!

Remember those guys?

They were the Honour Society.

Now look at them.

I remember in debating class,

they suddenly stopped debating,

and they beat up Mr Blewitt.

Yeah, the change was instant.

I mean, there they are, one day

a bunch of clean-cut preppies,

and the next day they're a bunch

of violent, perverted cretins.

~ It could bring you success ~

~ Or make you or break you,

be one of the best... ~

~ Can you see the end in sight ~

~ You got a chance to win this fight ~

...but the diameter

is proportionate to the radius.

- See?

- OK, Tom.

- We'll see you later, all right?

- Maybe.

What's the matter with you guys?

You ask me to help...

Hey, weed-head.

Hi guys, er...

W-What's up?

Your time's up, f*ggot.

You still owe us money

for the joints you bought yesterday.

- But I'm broke.

- Ah, he's broke.

The money!

- I got a few bucks.

- He's got a few bucks.

Well, I want $20 by noon today.

I can't get it by noon.

Give me more time.

- I'll get it.

- Good.

- Let's go.

- Goodbye.

~ Go on, run for your life ~

~ You gotta run for your life ~

Look out!

Hey, Gonzo, what took you so long?

I'm getting tired of waiting

around for you all the time.

Ever since you got kicked out

of the Honour Society,

all you do is sit around all day,

picking your rings and watching MTV.

You watch what you say about MTV.

Hey, you keep this stinking bone

to yourself, all right?

Spike's waiting for you

in the back of the school.

Now, you gotta go get some weed

from the power plant.

I got a date with Muffey.

Hey! You'd better get going, Gonzo!

Hey! What about me?

I'm sorry, babe,

but business is business.

That's all you ever think about,

is business.

You never pay any attention to me.

That's what you get

when you're in love with a yuppie!

Let's go!

Hey, Harry, what have you got?

I got chicken food again.

What have you got?

Eggs and Spam!

Hey guard, we're here!

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