Class of Nuke 'Em High Page #3

Warren, I want you now!

Here? Now? Chrissy, we can't,

there's a party going on downstairs.

We can't?

Oh yeah?

Well, maybe I was wrong...

Whoa!

Does this mean we don't get

to go to the Fellini festival?

Warren! F*** the Fellini festival!

I love you!

I love you, too!

- So, what do you think?

- You know what I think?

Chrissy and Warren will never last!

So, why do you give a sh*t?

It's not your problem.

- Yeah, bro!

- Right on!

That Judy is just so tight man,

she makes a great trampoline for a midget!

Huh?

Whoa!

We have got to get

more of that pot, man!

Yeah!

- Call me.

- I will.

I hate to say this, but I think

we owe Eddie and Greg a favour.

- Bye.

- OK.

'Come on, guys, I mean,

I'd love to sleep with Chrissy, but...

'She's shy. I don't want to rush her.

'Warren, I want that joint.

'Chrissy, we can't, there's a party

going on downstairs.

'Come on, Chrissy.

'Come on, Chrissy.

'You can't get pregnant the first time.

'I want that joint.

'I'm saying you should give her...

15, 20 minutes, and then jump on her!

'Hey, poor Warren, huh?

'We try to help him, but he's never gonna

get laid by that stuck-up girlfriend of his.

'I love you.

'Warren, can't you get it up?'

'Look, I'd love to sleep

with Warren, but he's shy!

'And I don't want to be too pushy.

'Listen, Chrissy, if you want anything

to happen, you gotta make it happen.

'We have got to get

more of that pot, man!

'Yeah...

- 'I love you.

- 'You can't get pregnant the first time.

'You can't get pregnant the first time.

'What's the big deal about smoking grass

anyway, Chrissy?

'Come on, Warren.'

Hey, loverboy!

Is it still hanging or what, Warren?

What did you put in that sh*t

you gave me last night?

The usual I guess, why?

Because I got sick, that's why.

Yeah, lovesick.

Anyway, you got wasted, not sick.

There is a difference.

Yeah? I got wasted,

then I got sick.

Look, I started hallucinating.

Where did you get that sh*t from anyway?

From the Cretins.

There was this guy, Pete.

The Cretins?

Those guys are animals.

I mean, they could have put anything in it.

So, Chrissy, how was it Saturday night?

Cathy, what are you talking about?

- Warren!

- It's only me.

I'll see you later.

You know,

I'm still feeling kind of yucky.

Yeah, me too.

Chrissy, I know this may

sound ridiculous, but er...

- Have you ever hallucinated at all?

- You too?

Yeah!

Where did Eddie get that stuff?

He said he got it

from those damn Cretins.

The Cretins?

Oh, great!

Sit down, f*** face!

Warren!

I can't, Chrissy. Somebody should

do something about those pigs!

Let somebody else do it.

I don't want you getting hurt.

Come in!

Did you study?

Come in.

Guten Tag.

Guten Tag.

I think you've got the most

beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen.

Hope I'm not late!

Are you all right?

Man! I'm gonna kill those bums!

Who?

The Cretins for making Chrissy

and me so sick.

Mum? I'm home!

Wipe your feet, and don't forget

to do your homework before dinner.

- Did you get it?

- Yeah.

I knew I had some somewhere.

- Now we can get some bread.

- Yeah.

Look.

Lady, lady you gotta help me.

My friend is having an epileptic seizure.

Oh, my goodness!

Should we call an ambulance?

Oh, no, no, no.

Look at him.

He could die any minute.

There's no time.

He's gonna bite his tongue off.

I need something soft

to put in his mouth.

Get the f***ing pocketbook.

Pocket book. Your pocketbook.

- Oh... Oh, you could save a life.

- No.

Thank you. Thank you.

Shut up!

Spike, come on!

Coming!

- Hey, Pete.

- Hey, Beethoven.

Hey, where's Spike?

- Who the hell is that?

- I don't know.

It looks like Warren Brandt.

But he looks

a little messed up to me.

Hey, look at him.

Now, don't you use that Alka Seltzer gag

on me, a**hole!

It's already been done.

I'm gonna get him.

Come on, Spike.

You must remember something, man.

I remember everything.

Pete and Beethoven

were fighting with this lunatic.

I jumped the guy from behind.

Next thing I know I was out.

When I woke up, they were dead.

I did not see who wasted them.

You got close enough

to get tossed on your ass.

You must have seen something.

I'm telling you,

I only saw him from behind.

The weird thing about it, though,

is he looked like Warren Brandt.

What?

- What's up, girls?

- Troma, Troma, Troma...

Where's your spirit?

Where's your energy?

Come on now and

stick your stomachs in like I do.

And now let's go with spirit!

- Give me a T!

- T!

- Give me an R!

- R!

- Give me an O!

- Ohh!

- Give me an M!

- M!

- Give me an A!

- Argh!

A-A-A-Argh!

That's good, Chrissy!

That's the spirit!

Come on, now. Let's do it again.

- Look! What happened to Chrissy?

- Where are they taking her?

'Dr Howard,

Dr Kline, Dr Howard.'

She'll be fine, Mrs Murphy.

But what's the problem?

She's always been such a healthy child.

Mrs Murphy,

I don't know how to tell you this,

but your daughter had a miscarriage.

Oh... a miscarriage!

A miscarriage?

A miscarriage! You don't know

what you're talking about.

My Chrissy would

never have done such a thing.

She's a good girl.

She couldn't have even been pregnant.

Mrs Murphy, please calm down.

Now, all the tests

and examinations that we've done

show conclusively that your daughter

was in fact nine months pregnant.

She was full term.

Chrissy?

Chrissy, I feel so bad.

Warren...

I'm really scared.

I can't remember a thing.

Warren, tell me what happened.

Mrs Murphy,

I can understand your reaction,

but research has shown me

that when parents are unable

to deal with their children's difficulties,

they subconsciously block them out.

Now, take the case of teenage pregnancy,

which gives us...

Oh, you! You filthy pig!

What have you done to my baby?

Mrs Murphy, I don't understand.

You know, it's all your

fault that Chrissy got sick.

Warren, you've got to learn to lighten up!

Lighten up?

You went and poisoned me,

and I'm supposed to lighten up?

Hey! You weren't so upset with me

Saturday night, were you?

Well, no.

What do you have to

change the subject for?

Hey! You wanna see something weird?

What?

Come on!

Come on! Come on!

Isn't this great?

Yeah. What is it?

What is it?

It's a laser, that's what!

Mr Hyde just got it in last week.

Hey, come on. You'd better watch it,

Eddie. This could be dangerous.

Watch out girls for the biggest shlong

since John Dillinger.

Come on! Point that thing

in the other direction, will you?

Yeah, I'd like to point this

in Judy's direction. She'd love it.

- Having fun, Eddie?

- Yeah! I mean, no!

Eddie, don't you think

you should put that down?

- Why? Is it dangerous?

- If you were to aim this laser

at the radioactive isotope samples

we have here,

this whole building would be blown

into oblivion, and you with it.

Get your gluteus maximi

out of here.

It's after three!

You shouldn't be here.

~ Run... well, you know

you've got to make it ~

~ You've got to go,

run for your life ~

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