Clerks Page #41

DANTE:

Jesus.

Silence. Then...

RANDAL:

You still didn't have to choke me.

DANTE:

Oh please! I'm surprised I didn't

kill you.

RANDAL:

Why do you say that?

DANTE:

Why do I say that? Randal... forget

it.

RANDAL:

No, really. What did I do that was

so wrong?

DANTE:

What don't you do? Randal, sometimes

it seems like the only reason you

come to work is to make my life

miserable.

RANDAL:

How do you figure?

DANTE:

What time did you get to work today?

RANDAL:

Like ten after.

DANTE:

You were over half an hour late.

Then all you do is come over here.

RANDAL:

To talk to you.

DANTE:

Which means the video store is

ostensibly closed.

RANDAL:

It's not like I'm miles away.

DANTE:

Unless you're out renting videos at

other video stores.

RANDAL:

Hermaphrodites! I rented it so we

could watch it together!

DANTE:

You get my slapped with a fine, you

fight with the customers and I have

to patch everything up. You get us

chased out of a funeral by violating

a corpse. To top it all off, you

ruin my relationship. What's your

encore? Do you anally rape my mother

while pouring sugar in my gas tank?

(sighs)

You know what the real tragedy is?

I'm not even supposed to be here

today!

RANDAL:

(suddenly outraged)

F*** you. F*** you, pal. Listen to

you trying to pass the buck again.

I'm the source of all your misery.

Who closed the store to play hockey?

Who closed the store to attend a

wake? Who tried to win back an ex-

girlfriend without even discussing

how he felt with his present one?

You wanna blame somebody, blame

yourself.

(beat, as DANTE)

"I'm not even supposed to be here

today."

(whips stuff at DANTE)

You sound like an a**hole. Whose

choice was it to be here today?

Nobody twisted your arm. You're here

today of your own violation, my

friend. But you'd like to believe

that the weight of the world rests

on your shoulders-that the store

would crumble if Dante wasn't here.

Well, I got news for you, jerk: This

store would survive without you.

Without me either. All you do is

overcompensate for having what's

basically a monkey's job:

You push f***ing buttons. Any moron

can waltz in here and do our jobs,

but you're obsessed with making it

seem so much more f***ing important,

so much more epic than it really is.

You work in a convenience store,

Dante. And badly, I might add. And I

work in a shitty video store. Badly,

as well.

(beat)

You know, that guy Jay's got it right-

he has no delusions about what he

does. Us? We like to make ourselves

seem so much better than the people

that come in here, just looking to

pick up a paper or-God forbid-

cigarettes. We look down on them, as

it we're so advanced. Well, if we're

so f***ing advanced, then what are

we doing working here?

RANDAL gets up, leaving DANTE to contemplate his strong words

alone.

CUT TO:

DANTE and RANDAL silently clean up, backs to each other.

CUT TO:

DANTE places a mop in the corner. RANDAL pulls on his coat.

RANDAL:

I threw out the stuff that got broken.

The floor looks clean.

DANTE:

You need a ride?

RANDAL:

(looks out door)

Got one. Just pulled up.

They stand in silence. Then...

DANTE:

Do you work tomorrow?

RANDAL:

Same time. What about you?

DANTE:

I'm calling out. Going to hit the

hospital-see how Caitlin is. Then

try to see Veronica.

RANDAL:

You wanna grab something to eat

tomorrow night... after I get out of

here?

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