Crocodile Dundee

Sue, don't misunderstand

me, please.

Sue, I'm not complaining

about your work.

I have your latest piece

right here in front of me

and it's terrific, it's great.

It's just that you were

due back here yesterday.

Yeah, but Richard, there's one

more story I just have to do.

There's always one more story.

No, but would you listen to this?

Last month this guy in

the Northern Territory

was attacked by a crocodile.

The thing bit his leg right off,

left him there to die

100 miles from nowhere.

A week later, he crawls

out of the bush,

gets patched up and disappears.

No interviews,

no pictures, nothing.

- So?

- I tracked him down.

He runs a safari business out of

somewhere called Walkabout Creek.

And his name...

Get this...

Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee.

Sue, even if this

thing is for real,

it could take you weeks

to nail him down.

Will you trust me?

I already made

arrangements to meet him.

I've got a chopper meeting

the plane at Darwin.

I'll be there tonight.

Well...

Okay.

I really miss you, darling.

I miss you, too, honey.

Take care now.

Don't worry. I'm a New Yorker.

Hi.

Walter Reilly, Never Never Safaris.

I'm Mr. Dundee's business partner.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Reilly.

Oh, please, call me Walter.

We're pretty informal in the bush.

No, uh, let me.

There you go.

- You all right?

- Yes.

I'm sorry that Mr. Dundee isn't

here himself to meet you.

But he is here in town. Somewhere.

Welcome to Walkabout Creek.

Hmm.

Oh, I took the liberty of

booking you into our hotel.

I trust that's in order?

Sounds just fine.

There's just one other thing.

Uh...

You did say that you were

prepared to pay the $2,500?

Absolutely.

And I will see where he was

attacked and how he survived?

Miss, I assure you, you're gonna

spend a few wonderful days here.

Come on, fellas. Five bucks,

anyone who can make Donk spill it.

So tell me, what's the

sideshow all about?

Oh, that's just the boys

having fun and games.

You see, Donk's never

spilled a drop.

- We're a pretty tough breed up here.

- Mmm-hmm.

Ooh!

And your Mr. Dundee, does he...

No, no, no. No, no,

he's very reserved.

He's a legend up here.

I mean, there he was out there

doing a quiet spot of fishing,

when all of a sudden... Bang!

This giant crocodile came up,

turned him over, bit

half his leg off,

dragged him down under.

Killed it, of course.

I mean, any normal man would have

just turned up his toes and died.

But not our Mick. No.

Hundreds of miles...

Snake-infested swamps...

On his hands and knees...

He crawled right into Katherine.

Straight past the hospital

and into the first pub for a beer.

That story's getting better

every time you tell it, Wally.

No, we handle ourselves pretty

well up here in the bush, Miss.

But if you're talking legend...

Oh, my God!

Two beers, Ida.

One for me, one for me mate.

"One for your mate,"

you mad bugger.

Oh, hang on.

I'm sorry if that

frightened you, Miss.

You see, it's stuffed.

Him and me both, Wal.

Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee.

Never Never Safaris.

Yeah. Um, never go outwith us,

if you do, you'll never

come back. Right, Wal?

Sue Charlton, Newsday.

Yeah, I thought you might be.

Uh, here, Wal. Mind Cyril for me

while I dance with this

charming young lady.

Legend has it a crocodile

took half your leg off.

Uh, well, a slight exaggeration.

Um...

More like a love bite, really.

Anyhow, enough about me leg.

Let me tell you about

the rest of me.

Up north in the Never Never, where

the land is harsh and bare,

lives a mighty hunter

named Mick Dundee,

who can dance like Fred Astaire.

Smooth shag, eh?

What did you say the

name of this clown was?

Mick Dundee.

He's the bloke that was grabbed

by a croc on the Rapid River.

What was he doing up there?

It's full of crocs. What do

you reckon he was doing?

Just a bloody poacher, eh?

Listen, you do understand

I want you to take me out

where you were attacked,

show me how you survived.

Oh, well, I don't know, just

the two of us out there alone?

I've got me reputation

to think about.

Hey, Dundee.

Where can a man shoot a few

crocs around here, eh?

How would I know, sh*t-for-brains?

Just relax.

Now, come on, Dundee.

Every man and his dog

in the joint knows

you're nothing but a

bloody croc poacher.

You better get your

men out of here.

Oh, sorry about that.

But I won't have anyone using bad

language in front of a lady.

Bad language?

Don't come back neither!

What was he saying about

you being a poacher?

Uh, he was just trying to

get a bite, that's all.

Donk, tonight's me lucky night.

You want to have a hit at the guts?

Here's a go, fellas.

Good on you, Mick.

Come on, guys, put

your money on me.

Come on, Mick.

Give me a kiss, Donk.

I'm sorry. He's not

normally like this.

I do apologize.

It's just the drink.

You mean there's a serious

side to him? Hmm.

I can hardly wait.

Uh, comfortable, Miss?

Wonderful country out here.

We think so.

Well, I hope you're not gonna

be the strong, silent type.

- Me?

- Reluctant to talk about yourself?

No. Favorite subject.

Great. Why "Crocodile"?

Wal's idea.

He reckons it makes me more

colorful for the tourist business.

How old are you?

Don't know.

Uh, what year is this?

You don't know?

Um, time doesn't mean

much up here, Miss.

You see, um, the Aborigines

don't have calendars.

I was raised by the local tribe.

I asked one of the tribal

elders one day when I was born.

And he said, "In the summertime."

And is there a

Mrs. Crocodile Dundee?

I was sort of married once.

- Nice girl. Good cook. Big...

- Mick!

Anyway, I went off on walkabout.

When I came back, she'd gone.

A walkabout?

That's an Aboriginal habit.

It means to, uh, wander around

and discover new places.

How long were you gone?

Couple months.

Try 18.

And she didn't wait?

Strange girl.

Yeah.

Out of the way, dopey!

Jesus...

That was amazing.

Mind over matter.

Old bushman's trick.

All right, Miss. All ashore.

Now, I'm going to leave you

in Mick's capable hands,

and I'll meet you at the Echo

Billabong on Wednesday.

2:
20. We better get started.

2:
20.

Yeah. Yes. That's the way

that we do it in the bush.

Uh, don't you worry, Miss.

He's the best bushman

in the territory.

Best pupil I ever had.

You ready, lady?

Ready as I'll ever be.

Right, well, uh, till Wednesday.

- Cheerio.

- Wednesday.

- What's today, Wal?

- Monday.

Doesn't know.

Doesn't care.

Lucky bastard.

- You okay, lady?

- Oh, I'm fine.

It's only about another

hour to the river,

but you being a sheila,

it'll probably take two.

Well, I'll just do the best I can.

Yeah.

The water was running 20 foot up

the bank during the wet season.

Here's what's left of me boat.

Now you can see where

he sunk his teeth in.

My God.

How big was it?

Uh, 16, 18 foot, maybe.

And you were out here

hunting crocodiles in that?

Nah, that's illegal.

I was just fishing.

How did you get away?

Uh, see, crocs don't

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