Dad's Army

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1

Lundt, sir.

He's back. Do we pick him up?

There'll be a contact. I want both.

Very good, sir.

What now?

We wait.

For his contact.

Christ!

There is no contact.

-Lundt! Mi5!

-Don't move!

If it reaches the coast,

we've lost the bloody war.

-Ah! Oh.

-Oh.

Blimey, Joe.

How'd you do that, then?

Oh, you know me.

Charm the birds from the trees.

Nice shot, boys.

-How many?

-Six.

Two Bob the lot. Now hop it.

Ugh!

-What's the matter with you?

-Oh.

Finest British protein, that is.

Off-rations for jonesy.

Come on, daph.

Give us a cuddle.

- Joe! Joe!

- Oh, blimey!

Can't you see

I'm in the middle of something?

You're wanted in barton's field!

They've found him!

I'm too young to die.

Do be quiet, frank.

And I'm too old.

Hold your nerve, men.

Keep low.

Godfrey, can't you go any lower?

I'll try to, sir,

but I'm not sure I'll be able to get up again.

I glimpsed him, sir,

just up ahead.

Good work, Jones.

He's been on the run.

He'll be tired and hungry.

Try and take him alive,

but if he won't come quietly,

you know what to do.

They don't like it, sir.

- They don't like it.

- Quiet, Jones!

Uh...

Follow me.

Wait for my command.

There he is, sir.

Stand your ground, men.

Jones.

Very slowly,

pass me the halter.

Jones?

Very slowly... Jones.

Jones?

There's a good bull.

Eh. Good bull.

Wilson, do something!

Do what, sir?

Anything!

Just do something!

Godfrey!

Ole. Ole.

Follow me.

Okay, now. Sit. Sit.

He's licking his lips.

He's licking his lips!

Uncle Arthur!

Frank,

pull yourself together!

Behind you, sir,

behind you!

Yes. Help!

Go on, Cedric!

Thank you!

Another successful operation.

Are you out of your tiny, wee mind?

We're supposed to be

locking horns with the hun,

not bertie the bull.

Yes, well, until that day comes, frazer,

we must remain sharp.

- Ah!

- What, like you, for instance?

I thought he was

gonna eat me, uncle Arthur.

Men.

My whole life just

flashed before my eyes.

Men.

Let's get you home.

You never know

when Jerry might strike.

Who do you

think you are kidding, Mr. Churchill?

Attention to detail, ladies!

The sooner we get the wounded

back on their feet,

the sooner

we shall win this war.

How's that, George?

It's really rather painful, dear.

It's your own fault.

You stood on a land mine.

Up a bit.

You've been shot

in the leg, Joe.

I know, but it goes

all the way up to my...

Hold still, you big baby!

I'll not take much more of this.

First, I'm bull bait,

now I'm long John silver!

-Lift your arm, Mr. Godfrey.

-All right.

You've been

shot in the chest.

Have I? Oh, dear.

-Will I be all right?

-Yes.

Wonderful sights.

Man and woman

united in common cause.

Thanks to us.

I don't know

what we'd do without them.

- Captain mainwaring.

- Mmm?

Ah!

Morning, vicar.

Telephone for you.

And the Morris dancers

have booked the hall for 1:00.

I do hope

you're not going to run over.

There is a war on,

you know, vicar.

If we're not finished,

they'll just have to prance about outside.

Mainwaring.

You'll have to speak up.

Colonel theakes, here.

Morning, sir.

Not another bull, is it?

Just had brigadier pritchard

on the blower from hq.

It's all hands on deck.

And how are you today,

Mr. Godfrey?

I've been shot

in the chest, you know.

Have you really?

Well, a nice spot of tea

will do you the world of good.

Oh.

This is a waste of time.

I should be going to France

with the rest of them.

Oh, it's not your fault

you've got flat feet.

People think I'm a boy.

I'm not. I'm a man.

Tea's up.

Ooh, cake!

Bagsy the pink one!

And you know

what he's like.

If he don't get

three square meals a day in him, he cries.

Mainwaring?

Frank. You're not listening, Arthur.

He's taking Vera

to the pictures again tonight.

He's quite smitten with her, he is.

You want some?

Oh.

You might pop around.

I've got a rather

nice pigeon off-rations from Walker.

Oh, it's your favorite bird.

I don't know about that.

Oh, stop it, Arthur.

Listen, men. Listen.

I have excellent news.

Colonel theakes has

given us a new mission.

What is it this time?

Wash his car? Feed his horses?

There's a line in the sand, mainwaring,

and you've crossed it.

He's asked us to patrol

the allied invasion base at Dover.

- Good heavens.

- Blimey.

This is it, men.

Our chance to play

a real part in this war.

At last, captain.

We're champing at our bits, aren't we, lads?

In the meantime,

we shall get back on the downs

for camouflage practice.

Into the Van, men,

at the double.

Did he say cauliflower?

-No, no, camouflage.

-Camouflage.

-Camouflage. Okay.

-Try to listen.

Now, this is just what

the men need, Wilson.

Yes, yes, thank you, Jones.

Thank you, thank you.

Yes, they've been

dragging their feet a bit lately.

Yes, they have been a bit lax.

There's no need

for Latin, Wilson.

If the king's English is good enough

for him, it's good enough for you.

You're not at

Cambridge now, you know.

Oxford, actually, sir.

In the light of

the forthcoming mission,

we shall adapt

today's exercise.

One of the men

shall be a Nazi spy.

We'll drop him off

at the crossroads.

Are you sure that's wise, sir?

Meanwhile, we shall lie in wait

and attempt to intercept him.

Lying in wait

sounds awfully damp, don't you think, sir?

Pull over, Jones.

Pull over, Jones.

Pulling over, sir.

I want

a word with you, Wilson.

How dare you question

my authority in front of the men?

Well, I just don't want

anyone catching a cold.

You know what frank's like.

Are we nearly there yet?

As you were, pike.

You're trying to undermine me,

usurp my position.

I'm really doing

nothing of the kind.

Hurry up.

Godfrey's gotta go.

Yes, well,

it won't work, you know.

These pips say it all.

You waft along with that

superior look on your face.

No backbone,

that's your trouble.

Well, I'm not sure

that's entirely fair.

Really? Well, here's

your chance to prove it.

You're our Nazi for the day.

- Really?

- Auf wiedersehen, Mr. Wilson.

Very good, men.

Breaking up the outline.

You're not taking this seriously,

are you, Walker?

How'd you know it was me?

No, thank you, pike.

Ah!

You put some

thought into this, Jones.

Thank you, captain.

Mrs. fox lent it me

from last year's production of Robin hood.

I'm a tiny bit

of Sherwood forest.

Ah...

Godfrey?

You look like

you're on a cruise to the south seas.

Thank you so much, sir.

That's very kind of you.

I got the idea from a picture

i saw last week, south of pago pago.

I thought it was

rather open air.

Take it off.

Captain, might I be excused, please?

Certainly not.

Now, listen, men.

Sergeant Wilson's mission

is to reach our flag undetected.

So, we all need

to keep our eyes peeled at all times.

Listen! Something's coming.

If I know Wilson,

he'll have charmed his way into a lift.

Conceal yourselves, men.

Wait for my signal.

Oh.

What's up, Mr. Godfrey?

Ah...

Oh...

Good lord.

At the double, men!

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