Dad's Army Page #2

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Halt, Nazi spy, or get all shot.

Madam, I'm most terribly sorry.

I thought I saw a tree move.

I had to, captain.

Mr. Godfrey wanted to

use me as a convenience.

I'm afraid my call of nature

called rather loudly.

I fear we mistook you

for a Nazi spy.

Yes, thank you, Walker.

Miss winters,

associated press.

Captain mainwaring,

walmington home guard.

What a coincidence.

I'm doing an article

on the home guard of walmington-on-sea.

For the lady magazine.

Us? In a real magazine?

We're going up

in the world, lads.

Well, you come

highly recommended.

Yes, well,

i certainly like to think

we'd give Jerry

a run for his money.

You've joined us in mid-operation.

We're on the lookout for a spy.

But don't worry,

we'll catch him.

Not much gets past us,

i can tell you.

Uh...

You're nasty.

Would you like a stab?

Permission to speak, sir.

-What is it, Jones?

-Well, this bag.

It doesn't exactly

bring my blood to the boil.

Well, I could stand

behind if you like. I speak a little German.

Is that true, Godfrey?

Shall have to keep an eye on him.

Yes, one of my

nannies was from leipzig.

Beautiful woman.

Greta, her name was.

All right, all right,

get behind the sack!

Now, incense me

in the Nazi tongue.

You Nazi pig dog, you!

I strike you thusly!

And thusly!

Excellent, Jones.

Hey,

don't put your back out, mind.

What did you say, Godfrey?

What? What, sir?

I said,

"have you brushed your teeth, my angel?"

You see, I never used to

like brushing my own teeth.

All right, Godfrey.

All right, all right.

She would do it

for me, sometimes.

Yes, all right.

Thank you, Godfrey.

Carry on, corporal.

Very good, Godfrey.

All right, men.

Assume position!

First group, ready!

And charge!

Second group, ready!

It's a privilege

to watch you all.

Ah...

They're a decent bunch.

We do what we can.

They'd clearly do

anything for you.

Must be that smile.

Where on earth has

my sergeant got to?

Anyone for honey?

-Wilson?

-It is, actually, sir.

How the dickens

did you evade that...

I do believe I won

the exercise, sir.

You did nothing

of the sort, not dressed like that.

You're disqualified.

I thought I was

being resourceful.

You were being

devious and underhand.

It's no way for

a spy to behave.

Rose?

It can't be!

Arthur?

What a remarkable thing.

I'm sorry, captain.

Mr. Wilson was my tutor at Oxford.

Remarkable.

Uh...

Wilson, take the men home.

I shall be driving

miss winters up to Sully point.

Oh, might I, sir?

-We have such a great deal to catch up on.

-Certainly not.

Oh, captain, please, I insist.

I've taken up far

too much of your time.

Well, if that's what you'd prefer.

Wilson.

-Shall we?

-My earring.

My earring,

I've dropped it. It's very precious.

-Fan out, men. Fan out.

-Oh, no.

Earring alert.

Earring alert.

I absolutely must find it.

Earring!

Fan out! Earring!

What are we

looking for exactly?

Earring! Earring!

Earring alert.

Fan out, men.

Oh, I've got it.

Here it is. Here it is.

- I'm frank.

- Well done, pike.

-Frank pike.

-Oh, my knight in shining armor.

Ooh.

Well, I look forward to getting to know

you more in the coming days.

England can sleep soundly

knowing that you're watching over her.

-Sir.

-Thank you.

Bye-bye.

- Cheerio.

- Bye.

Is that everything?

-Ah. Allow me.

-Oh, no, it's...

-No, it's...

-It's my, it's my...

-No, I'll, I'll...

-It's my typewriter.

-Oh.

-I want to get a start on the article.

First impressions,

you understand.

Hmm.

Might we have tea tomorrow?

Say 5:
00?

Well, that would be...

Oh, no, there's a briefing

on some patrol thingy.

-Patrol?

-Yes, of the Dover base.

Dinner afterwards, then?

There must be

somewhere in town.

Well, yes,

there's the oak hotel, but...

7:
00. I insist.

Right. Yes.

How nice. Thank you, rose.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Oh.

I want you to have

a word with frank.

He's got it into his head

he wants to be a spitfire pilot.

He gets dizzy

standing on a chair.

Well, he lives in his head,

that's his trouble.

Ah.

Must have been a racer.

Where do you keep your...

He told me about

that journalist woman.

Arthur?

Shall I roll out the pastry?

Frank said

you drove her home.

Did I?

Oh, yes, that's right,

i believe I did.

Ever so glamorous, frank said.

Really? I hadn't noticed.

Just you remember

which side your bread's buttered.

Pass me that bird.

Here you go.

Thank you for taking me

to the pictures again, frank. It was...

It was ever so romantic.

Thanks for

walking me home.

Mum doesn't like me

being out after dark.

Ooh.

What're you doing?

Kissing you.

What's wrong with that?

People only kiss

like that in the films!

That's what you think.

Morning, miss winters.

Corporal Jones.

A butcher by trade.

But a soldier by nature, ma'am.

More notches on my rifle

than you've had hot dinners.

Not that you've had

too many hot dinners.

You've a fine fettle

of a figure, if I may say.

Here.

Welcome to walmington.

Thank you, Mr. Jones.

Good day.

I saw that, Jack Jones.

You just slipped her a sausage.

I didn't mean nothing by it.

And you never stamped

her book, neither.

Good morning.

Lovely morning.

Quite, quite lovely.

Daphne longfoot.

Charmed, I'm sure.

Rose. Rose winters.

You look busy, mister...

Frazer. Frazer.

Yes, well,

with the invasion any day now,

I expect business

to be brisk.

Yes.

Private Walker.

Call me Joe.

Very young for the home guard, Joe.

Didn't you enlist?

Color blind.

-Oh.

-Thought it was an allergy to corned beef.

Yeah, that and all.

All right, lads?

You need anything

for that article of yours, miss winters,

foolscap, ribbons,

you just let me know.

Will do.

Bonny, bonny lass.

William Hodges, ma'am,

air-raid warden.

Of course, it's me you

should be talking to, not the home guard.

I'm the one who gets

things done around here.

-Gas masks, air-raid warnings...

-We are in your debt.

I'm rushed off me feet.

-Cheerio.

-Ta-ta.

Look at the color, the cut.

I'm telling you, it's Chanel.

I'd know it anywhere.

Chanel in walmington?

She seems

ever so interested in hearing about

your brother's cabbages,

miss Godfrey.

She seems most civilized.

They said that about the ripper.

I won the war

against snails this year.

Salt, that's the answer.

Salt?

Carry on.

She'll be taking our men next.

Mr. sponge said she

kissed your frank, and not on the cheek.

I'd look closer to home

if I was you, Mrs. fox.

She had a big smile

on her face

when she came out

that butcher's just now.

What's that

supposed to mean?

Handsome woman.

Is she?

Wouldn't know.

Seems a good sort.

To be writing about us, I mean.

Seeing her again after

so long is really rather discombobulating.

Well, you know, confusing.

Yes, I know what discombob...

Discombobu...

I know what it means, Wilson.

So, you knew her at Oxford.

I was her tutor for a while.

But you two weren't...

Weren't...

Well, it looked

like maybe you were...

Were...

Or had been, you know.

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