Dad's Army Page #3

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Hmm?

Oh.

That? No! No, no, no.

-Good lord, no.

-Jolly good.

Important we're clear.

Parade at 6:
00. Don't be late.

- Morning.

- Good morning.

Take these

through to the cashier, would you, Wilson?

Certainly, sir.

What are you doing, pike?

Stupid...

Platoon, fall in!

Platoon, right turn!

Two, three, one!

By the left.

Quick march!

Uh...

Mr. frazer,

Mr. Godfrey, about turn!

Sorry, everyone.

Platoon, right turn!

Now, miss winters,

may I say,

you do look lovely tonight.

I beg your pardon.

Ah!

Colonel.

I didn't mean you look lovely.

No, no, no,

of course not. Far from it.

Not that you look unlovely.

I'm sure to many you are lovely.

Not really my area.

About the patrol.

Ah. Yes, a great honor.

Sergeant Wilson

will be here any moment for your briefing.

We'll crack on without him.

Golf club do. Wife in the car.

Your orders are simple, mainwaring.

You're to stick

to the coastal path at all times.

Do not approach

the base in any way. Understood?

Not approach the base?

But surely we need...

Are you questioning

an order, mainwaring?

As you know,

the home guard have been asked for cuts

to help with

the big push into France.

Has it?

We'll be reviewing the troops.

Sorting the wheat from

the chaff, as it were.

I won't beat about the bush.

Walmington feels chaffy.

My men are as

keen as mustard, sir.

Your sergeant

doesn't seem to be.

First patrol,

this Saturday, 0900. Put on a good show.

There's no better way

of saving the platoon.

Must dash.

We should get together

sometime, play a round with the wives.

Barbara loves a four-ball.

Carry on, old man.

Chaffy.

Platoon, fall in!

Attention!

Where is sergeant Wilson?

In bed,

i shouldn't wonder.

Caught a chill

up on the downs.

Poppycock.

Saw him coming out

of the gent's outfitters

on the high street

just an hour ago

looking happier

than a kitten on a cow's udder.

-I like your tie.

-What?

Oh, really? This? Do you?

Well, it's just a...

Pfft.

I often thought of you

over the years, Arthur.

Teaching, whitehall, perhaps,

but never in walmington-on-sea.

Well, it has its charms.

You were such

a good teacher, Arthur.

Well, I don't remember

teaching you anything.

You seemed to

know it all already.

You were so handsome,

dashing...

I haven't dashed

anywhere for years.

Age has only

improved you, Arthur.

Well...

Well, I better be off.

That night

at the summer ball, do you remember?

I so wanted you to kiss me.

Didn't you want to kiss me?

Well, I suppose.

Well, I was your tutor,

and there were rules.

Oh. Rules.

Strangled the life

out of this country.

Tell me about your briefing

with colonel theakes.

I didn't go.

Oh.

But I want to write about

your patrol in my article.

Don't worry.

Mainwaring will tell you everything tomorrow.

You'll have a job stopping him.

Chaffy.

Chaffy.

My platoon is not chaffy.

Public school boy.

Mmm?

Yeah, theakes has

met his match with me.

I shall make sure

miss winters' article is so glowing about us,

they'll have to pin

medals on the lot of us.

Come to bed.

I'm on top tonight.

I'm asleep, George.

Sleep well, dear.

I'll be lucky.

Trapped wind again.

Arthur.

Oh.

Good morning.

Ah. Good morning.

Where was you last night?

Oh. Last night

as in last night?

You was at the oak

with miss winters.

Was I?

Oh, yes,

that's right, I was, yeah.

Catching up on old times.

Oh...

-You look dreadful.

-Well.

You didn't come

for your breakfast.

Good lord,

I'm late for work.

Mrs. Todd said

you proper pushed the boat out.

Woolton pie, jam roly-poly.

Mavis, you have

nothing to worry about.

I promise you.

If you want roly-poly, Arthur,

I'll give you roly-poly.

And my roly-poly

will knock her roly-poly into a cocked hat.

8:
00, after parade,

roly-poly.

Mmm.

Don't be late.

Roly-poly.

Oh, miss winters.

I say, miss winters.

We're so confused,

aren't we, cissy?

Our brother, Charles,

told us that you're writing an article

on the home guard

for the lady magazine.

-Yes.

-But they just did one.

We subscribe, you see.

-And they never do two of anything.

-No.

It's a follow-up article.

The first was so well received,

they commissioned another.

Oh.

Well,

that would explain it.

Excuse me, ladies.

Captain mainwaring.

Ah!

Miss winters.

What a pleasant surprise.

I was on my way to see you.

Are you busy?

My little break.

Perhaps you'd join me.

They do a very

passable Chelsea bun.

I'd be delighted.

Better before the war,

of course.

These days, it's a case

of "spot the currant."

But one mustn't grumble.

Mmm...

I do like your dress,

miss winters.

Oh, thank you, Vera.

You can have the

pattern if you like.

Oh.

Well, I don't know what to say.

Oh.

Good of you.

Well, a woman should

always look her best,

especially at wartime,

don't you agree?

I think you do, splendidly.

I'm keen for you to

get to know the platoon,

-not just as soldiers but as men.

-Mmm.

Brave, dedicated,

honest to a fault.

Nylons, miss winters?

Fresh off the back of a lorry,

if you know what I mean.

Walker, miss winters

and I are discussing military matters.

Of course you are!

Life in the old dog yet, ey?

Yeah.

Arms to the shoulder line!

Left, right, left, right.

In short, I shall do

everything in my power

to make your article

as informative and positive as possible.

Are you?

Oh, yes.

Thank you.

Well, I expect nothing less

from a natural leader like yourself.

Well, I...

Would you mind

just taking off your spectacles for me?

Whatever for?

Very well.

Ah.

I knew it.

There's a glint.

A certain fire in the eyes.

You remind me of someone.

Really?

I wonder who that could be.

Churchill.

Winston Churchill.

-Really?

-You have so many of his qualities.

Never given it much thought,

but I suppose I do.

It's uncanny!

I like to think

that if we met,

we'd both be

the richer for it.

Oh, yes.

Why don't you join us

at parade tonight?

I shall be briefing the platoon

on the patrol, stiffening their resolve,

and endeavoring

to inspire them in some small way, perhaps.

Well. Until tonight, then.

Good god.

Eyes front!

What's that, Wilson?

Oh.

Nothing. What's that, sir?

Nothing.

Fall the men in, Jones.

Platoon, fall in!

Attention!

Sorry I'm late.

I was writing up my notes, captain.

I quite understand.

As Julius Caesar

himself once said,

"preparation is all."

One of my inspirations,

you know.

Murdered by his own men.

-Thank you.

-Conquered all before him.

You know, veni, vidi...

Eh...

Gather around.

-Evening, miss winters.

-Good evening.

Now, listen, men.

You all know,

you can ask me...

You all know that you

can ask me anything,

be it of a professional,

pastoral, or indeed,

a philosophical nature.

I have a question, captain.

What if life is

really a dream?

When I said philosophical,

what I meant was...

I worry about

that sometimes, sir,

that we're all of us,

nothing but the dancing spirits of the night.

-Jones.

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