Daddy's Home 2

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1

(SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHILDREN SQUEALING EXCITEDLY)

Brad.

- Bye, Daddy.

- Bye, sweetie.

Bye-bye, guys.

I'll pick you up on Monday.

- CHILDREN:
Brad.

- What's up?

Hey, Brad.

Hey, Brad.

Looking good, buddy.

- Dylan, where's your retainer?

- I left it at Dad's.

Hey, where's your

math workbook?

At Mom's house.

- Where are all your undies?

- DYLAN:
I don't know.

How do we got so many undies?

(ALL CHEERING)

DUSTY:
Happy birthday, buddy!

Brad already got me one.

- (CHILDREN CHEERING)

- It was my idea! It was my idea!

Hey, look at that.

Guys.

Daddy.

Oh!

Megan, hold up!

Whoa!

Ah!

- Are you all right?

- I'm okay.

- (GROANS)

- (ALL EXCLAIM)

Right here!

Don't leave without it.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

Come on!

Keep it moving!

Inside the cones!

Inside the cones like an ice cream.

Let's go!

Braddie!

Here you go, buddy.

Oh. Thanks, Braddie.

- Hot cocoa?

- Yeah.

Nice. Little marshmallows

floating around there

all in formation.

You are the greatest.

I put a little licorice root

in there, too.

- Oh!

- Tell me what you think.

- DUSTY:
Hey, guys.

- Daddy!

- Hey. Hi, how was your day?

- Good.

BRAD:
All right,

guys, hop in.

I'll get them ready and I'll

meet you at Tae Kwon Do.

- See you in 30.

- Great. Looking forward to it.

- Bye.

- CHILDREN:
Bye, Dad.

- BRAD:
Oh!

- (BRAKES SCREECH)

- Dusty.

- Yeah?

Sorry. You made treats for

tonight, right?

No, I got the gift card. I thought

you were on treats tonight.

No. I did gift card and the treats

for the Halloween Spooktacular.

Okay. Well,

I guess I'll hit the bakery

- on the way to the pageant.

- Bakery?

Unless you don't want me

to go to the bakery.

- No...

- Usually, when you repeat what I said

and you shake your head

up and down,

it really means

you don't want me to do it.

- I'm just thinking...

- DUSTY:
What?

- Maybe homemade?

- (HORN HONKING)

Yeah. Hey! Honk at him again,

you better count your teeth!

No problem, Braddie.

Homemade snickerdoodles

coming right up.

One for you, too.

Should we fist bump again

or would it be awkward?

I don't mind a second bump.

All right.

Thanks, buddy.

See you tonight.

Bye, mate. Thanks so

much for the cocoa.

CHILDREN:
Bye, Daddy.

- (CRASHES)

- Sorry.

- Bye.

- Bye.

BRAD:
These look great.

Thank you.

- Look at that.

- Oh...

- Daddy! Karen!

- Hey! Hey, guys.

Wow, look how sexy

Karen looks.

Leather pants and side boob.

That's perfect

for a school function.

- Honey, let's expect good things, okay?

- I know, you're right. Right.

- SARA:
Hey. How's it going?

- Hey.

- BRAD:
Hi.

- SARA:
Hi.

Wow, look at you guys.

You and Mommy are

so sassy all the time.

- KAREN:
Hi.

- SARA:
Hi.

Oh, hey. I got your novel.

- It's amazing.

- Oh, I'm glad you like it.

SARA:
I don't know how you write

such powerful dialogue.

- I mean, it must just come naturally, right?

- Aw.

- Like everything else.

- You're so sweet.

- Are you guys ready?

- Let's go.

I want my shirt

like Adrianna's.

Uh, no. No, no, no, honey.

We're not doing that, okay?

Put that back in.

Look like a nice kid.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

PRINCIPAL HAYES:
Welcome to

the One Horse Open Sing!

Before we get started,

notice we have

several professional video

and still photographers

to cover all your kids

for free.

So you can all put your phones

in your pockets,

relax, and just

be in the moment.

(DEVICES BEEPING)

You don't care.

Dashing through the snow

In a one-horse open sleigh

O'er the fields we go

Laughing all the way, hahaha

Bells on bobtail ring

Making spirits bright

What fun it is

to laugh and sing

A sleighing song tonight

...eat candy Santas

and smashed potatoes

and dressing up my dog

like a reindeer.

That's what

Christmas means to me.

- Thank you.

- (ALL CHEERING)

PRINCIPAL HAYES:

And now we have Megan Mayron.

(BEEPING)

My name is Megan Mayron, and I

like Christmas presents a lot.

(ALL LAUGHING)

But I don't really

like Christmas.

My daddy was at my first

Christmases,

but I don't remember those ones.

Then we had some

with no daddy at all.

Then Brad came,

but he was always

trying way too hard

and making everyone feel

uncomfortable.

Then Daddy came back,

and Brad did a pretend Christmas

to show Daddy that Brad

was better than him.

So now we have to go to different

houses to have different Christmases.

Me and my brother wish

we were like other families

and we had normal Christmases.

But we still like

our Christmas presents.

I want to be very clear

about that.

Thank you very much.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(JERRY LAUGHING)

Enjoy paying for therapy, boys!

You better shut your mouth,

Jerry!

Absolutely, Dusty.

(SIGHING)

We're messing up our kids,

Brad, and it's on you.

On me? Why is it on me?

Because before you came around

we only had one Christmas.

So it's on you.

Hold on, hold on. We don't

have to circle the wagons

every time one of the kids

expresses a negative emotion.

They're fine.

Kids that get up in front of

whole schools

and say they don't like

Christmas aren't fine, Sara.

Well, she said she didn't like

having two Christmases.

Which is on you.

So what if we all spend

a Christmas together?

A Together Christmas.

That's good.

Now you fixed it. See, that...

- Now it's off of you.

- (BRAD GASPS)

Let's invite Adrianna's dad,

too.

- What?

- Yes.

- Are you being serious right now? No.

- Yeah.

Put that hand down.

I've been nothing but nice to that guy,

and he treats me like I abducted his kid.

I'm not doing that.

Why are you messing up

the mood now, all right?

We wanna go tell the kids my great

idea about the Together Christmas.

Wait, how did it become

your idea?

It was your idea, but I named

it Together Christmas.

People of Bikini Bottom...

Hey, guys?

Guys. Listen up,

I got a surprise.

Hello?

- Guys. We got a big surprise!

- A surprise?

- Another pony?

- A trampoline?

You leaving?

Not quite, okay?

But, no, we got something better

than that, okay?

So much better.

It's gonna be great.

Guys, this year, no more back

and forth at Christmas.

- We're not doing the back and forth.

- Nope. I just said that.

- No more back and forth at Christmas.

- No back and forth.

This year, we're gonna spend one

Christmas all together, all of us!

- BOTH:
Yay!

- All of us. A Together Christmas!

- A Together Christmas!

- Can you be quiet?

A Together Christmas

like a normal family!

- Yay!

- (CELL PHONE RINGING)

I'll get it.

Hello?

Grandpa Kurt?

Daddy, Grandpa Kurt wants

to talk to you.

SARA:
No, no, no. Dusty,

I'll just tell him...

No. It's okay, Sara.

Thank you.

Thanks, buddy.

What, Dad?

Yeah, long time.

No, I'm fine. Tomorrow?

- Tomorrow.

- No.

I could probably pick you up,

I guess, but...

- Hey! Psst! Guess what? My folks are coming tomorrow.

- I don't care.

- We can go together.

- You shut up.

Dad, do you want to just text...

Hello?

(SIGHS)

Dusty, listen to me,

I think you're approaching this

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