Daddy's Home 2 Page #10

---

What is she...

(CHUCKLING)

SARA:
Oh. What a shock. Now we

know where Megan got the eggnog.

You always assume

she's the bad influence.

Maybe your daughter plied

my daughter with alcohol.

Maybe your daughter's that way

because her mother is a shoplifter.

Shoplifter.

Sara, we've been working on

the shoplifting thing, okay?

But that has nothing

to do with Adrianna

being such a little nightmare

all the time.

My daughter is not a nightmare!

Come on, Adrianna.

DUSTY:
No, sweetheart,

I didn't mean that.

- Honey!

- ROGER:
Hey.

- What'd you call my daughter?

- He called her a nightmare.

Hey. I'm a lot of things,

but I'm not a heathen.

Let's take this outside.

Yeah, let's step

outside the manger.

He called her a nightmare.

- ROGER:
Here we go.

- DON:
Now, now, boys,

we can't just leave!

Joseph and the Innkeeper

rumble outside the manger!

Make the first move, Innkeeper.

Kick his ass, Joseph!

We are not going to do this

in front of the children!

Now, what kind of fathers are

you, anyway?

That's rich!

Coming from a guy who lies to

his son for six months.

Maybe that's why everyone thinks

your stories are so "delightful,"

because they're all lies!

Sara, get the kids out of here,

okay?

Happily. I don't want them

watching this anyway.

Have fun, morons!

- Pancakes, b*tches!

- Do not say "b*tches."

Kids are gone. Let's go.

I'm not hitting a guy dressed

like Joseph.

The beard's off, Roger.

How many excuses

you want to pull out, man?

Now it's on.

- You know what, Brad?

- Don!

Yes, I lied!

Because whenever there's

anything wrong in your life,

if it isn't roses and rainbows,

you completely fall apart.

I thought we had an honest

relationship!

Oh, yeah? Brad,

I bet you never told him

about that procedure

you had last year, did you?

Oh, my God. What procedure?

It was nothing,

just some benign tissue.

How about that? You're both a

couple of lying sacks.

And, you!

From the minute you got here,

you've been nothing but

mean and sarcastic.

Well, you know what, Kurt?

- F you!

- Dad!

That's right. Forget you!

Attaboy, swami.

Throwing down F words.

Not the F word, but an F word,

and that's a good start.

Now, come on, give me the

finger, big boy. Come on.

- Come on.

- ROGER:
Hey! Hey!

Are we gonna still fight

or what?

Roger brings up a good point.

Let's get the momentum back.

Come on, Roger. Get some!

Let's get in there!

- Come on!

- No, no, no, no, no!

If you lay one hand on each other,

whether the kids are here or not,

it will negatively impact them.

All right.

I'm not gonna lay a hand on him.

DON:
What are you doing?

Oh. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah.

Snowball fight.

I've got some Nerf guns

in the back of my car.

Want me to get them?

I pitched triple-A for the Red

Sox in their farm system, Roger.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Take your best shot.

Dad!

Don, I'm sorry!

That sucks.

- I'm so sorry.

- No, no, it was all right.

Hey, no fair.

That's an ice ball.

You bet it is.

You know, you throw that

and we are no longer co-dads.

I'm way ahead of you, d*ckhead.

You know, from now on,

we'll just act like

a normal blended family

with me hating your guts.

The kids will never know,

because I'm too good of a dad to ever

throw their stepfather under the bus.

But that's right where

you're gonna be, Brad.

Under my bus.

Well, guess what, I'm gonna celebrate

you morning, noon and night

because it's the right thing to

do in front of the kids.

But just know the way

I really feel about you

is you can suck a fart, Dusty.

A wet, greasy fart.

You gonna keep pump-faking that thing

or you gonna take a shot, Brad?

Huh?

What? What? Huh?

He's never played sports ever.

Maybe it's stuck to his hand.

Oh! Oh!

Huh? Huh?

That's what I thought.

You know what, Dusty,

you're not worth it.

Come on, Dad.

(GROANS) Good.

Psych. You're totally worth it!

Dad!

(LAUGHS)

- That was an ice ball.

- Treating your dad like that!

Dad.

Look, it was an accident.

Go ahead, Roger.

Brad was right the first time.

You're not worth it.

(DON GROANS)

Dang! Right down my neck!

ROGER:
Don! Sorry! Sorry!

That guy's like a snowball

magnet.

You were right about everything.

You happy now?

Dusty,

I do like being right.

Hey, is that

your baby in there?

Griffy!

(CRYING)

I know. I know, sweetie.

It's okay, it's okay.

I know, I know.

This was Dusty's idea.

I never wanted to do this.

Hey, Brad. That one's mine.

- Oh, is this bag yours?

- Yeah.

Sara? Sara!

(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

- Oh, my gosh.

- Ew.

What is going on here?

What's happening, Officer?

Avalanche hit the highway

up ahead.

It's gonna take a few hours to

clear it,

so follow the traffic back

into town, all right?

What caused the avalanche?

Was it all the snow?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure

snow had something to do

with the avalanche.

Keep it moving!

Well, I guess we could stop

and have lunch to kill time.

On Christmas Day?

What's gonna be open?

I don't know.

(CHOIR SINGING

CHRISTMAS CAROL)

(CHUCKLES) Oh, look at that!

Looks like everyone

had the same idea.

Oh, no.

Everything's sold out.

Well, I guess we could see

Missile Tow.

What's that about?

It's Liam Neeson.

He's a tow truck driver who's on

his way home for Christmas

with his kids and

happens along some terrorists

who've hijacked a mobile ICBM.

So he hooks it to his rig

and has to get it to NORAD

before Christmas morning.

I hear it's really good!

I don't know, Brad, it's PG-13.

I don't really care

for the salty language.

Well, it has cute

little kids in it.

I mean, how dirty can it be?

Besides, you love Liam Neeson.

I do.

- Let's just give it a shot.

- Yes!

Looks very heroic.

- I'll say that much.

- SARA:
I mean, really. Man!

The front row? I don't know,

Brad.

- What about the...

- Dad, please stop!

It's gonna strain your eyes.

We don't have a choice,

all right?

DYLAN:
Look, it's Mom and Brad!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

LIAM NEESON:
Santa's got

a present for you bastards.

- (GUNSHOT)

- (MAN GROANS)

(LAUGHING)

You're impounded, a**hole.

- BOY:
You did it, Daddy!

- GIRL:
You killed them all.

LIAM NEESON:
No, kids.

We did it. We killed them all.

Together.

CHILDREN:
We love you, Daddy.

LIAM NEESON:
I love you, too.

The only thing that matters

to me in this crazy world

is you kids.

And I'm sorry that your

holiday was ruined

by those godless mother...

(DIALOGUE DISTORTS)

(AUDIENCE GROANING)

ROBERTO:
Sorry, folks.

Looks like we're having

a bit of a power outage.

We don't know when

the power's gonna come back on,

so you guys are all welcome

to stay in here or in the lobby.

The DOT wants everybody to stay

inside and off the roads,

so we might be in here

for a while.

You know, I bet this is

because of the snow, too.

Gee, Dad, you think so?

(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

DON:
I need to use the gent's.

Brad, do you need to go tee-tee?

Dad, don't say that in public!

- Just go.

- All right.

Is he still looking at me?

Rate this script:4.5 / 2 votes