Daddy's Home 2 Page #3

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I got more room.

We can do presents at our place,

dinner at yours.

Nah, all that back and forth,

who needs that?

This place, that place.

Why don't I book us

a great vacation spot

for all of us,

and we can all spend

the holiday week together?

- Yay! Cool!

- Thanks, El Padre.

- (SPEAKS SPANISH)

- DON:
I love this idea!

It's something extra Christmasy,

with lots of snow and family

activities for all of us.

Dad, I'm just worried about

finding a place,

you know, this close

to the holiday.

- (BEEPS)

- Booked it! Airbnb. All done.

- Yay, El Padre!

- (KURT LAUGHS)

It's gonna be so fun, since we're

all such great friends, huh?

BRAD:
Off to the mountains.

Here we go, Griffy.

- Here we go.

- Big fun trip!

Let me get

that for you, Sara.

- SARA:
Thank you.

- You're welcome.

You know, Dusty,

I think you and Kurt

spending some time

around me and my dad

might do you both some good.

Hey, don't you see

what he's up to here?

He thinks you and me are harboring

bad feelings for one another

and sticking us together in some cabin is

gonna bring out whatever we're harboring.

But you're not,

are you, Brad?

- I'm not what?

- Harboring!

No, I'm not harboring anything.

Good, 'cause I'm not

harboring anything either.

BRAD:
Okay, well, let's use

this as an opportunity

to show him

that we're not harboring.

'Cause we're not harboring.

You're looking at

one safe harbor right here.

All right, good.

You sure you want to pack it like that?

Is that how you're gonna do it?

Look, me and Brad got everything

under control as a team, okay?

- Right, Brad?

- That's right.

Yeah, what would I know

about travel?

I've only been

to frickin' space.

What, did you pack

the space shuttle yourself?

You pop the trunk, arrange all the bags

for you and your little space friends?

I did, as a matter of fact.

Yes, I packed the shuttle.

That's so cool!

I love how you're always

jotting down ideas

for your book

in your little notepad.

People ever get crazy and think

you might be writing

something bad about them?

Say, Brad, would you mind doing some

"Yes, And" drills with me on the way?

"Yes, And" thank you

for asking me.

I recently joined

an improv comedy workshop.

Brad's been pushing me to do it

for years. (CHUCKLES)

Because you're so funny.

Yeah, I really enjoy it.

You should look into it, too,

Kurt.

I'd rather look into

a loaded gun.

- Did you hear that?

- Did you just make that up?

- Zinger!

- That's provocative, too.

You ready to let me do that,

Mr. Stubborn?

- I got it.

- KURT:
It's never gonna fit.

Hey, kids, no, no, no, no,

why don't you jump into my car

with Adrianna, all right?

So Grandpa Kurt here can enjoy Pop-Pop's

company on the way up. (CHUCKLES)

Already warmed up a spot

in the capsule for you, Captain!

Still never gonna fit. Ever.

No, I got it. It's fitting fine.

I just had to put it wheels-in.

Perfect fit!

All right, let's go.

Hey, Adrianna, you know,

when we're up there,

I can teach you

how to snowboard.

You're not my dad.

All right.

It's gonna be a fun trip.

BRAD:
It's time for

One-Word Story.

Anyone can join in, doesn't have

to be just Dad and I.

You always give us

the best start.

- Uncle...

- ...Thomas...

- ...went...

- ...tiptoeing...

...into the...

...Empire State Building.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Where were you going

with that one?

This all took place

at the pancake breakfast!

Fifty-six bottles of beer

on the wall

Fifty-six bottles of beer

"G." Georgia,

Georgia license plate!

Ready, and... Quiet Game.

- I'm terrible at this game!

- I can't do it!

- I just can't do it.

- I hate the Quiet Game!

(DON AND BRAD

CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)

DON:
We always

liked the Shimpahs.

BRAD:
The movers thought the Shimpahs' house

was our house and almost moved us in there!

DON:
The wrong family! We would've

been living with the Shimpahs!

BRAD:
Which I wouldn't

have minded,

'cause I had a huge crush

on Vicky Shimpah.

(BRAD AND DON LAUGHING)

Dad, thank you.

You make a five-hour trip

go by like that!

DON:
I just wanted everybody

to have a good time.

Nothing like a nice,

relaxing road trip, huh, Dad?

KURT:
It was nothing.

I've been in a confined

space with a chimp.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)

Dylan's got a girlfriend!

No, I don't! Be quiet!

MEGAN:
Yeah, you love her.

You want to buy her flowers

and kiss her on the lips.

Stop it! It's not funny!

Megan! What did I say about

teasing your brother about girls?

She's still doing it.

And she drilled him in the head

with a snowball too.

(SOFTLY)

Well, I'm not her mother.

Now, go take your brother

inside, please. Go on, sweetie.

MEGAN:
Come on, Griffy.

So Dylan's started

noticing the girls?

You know, I think it's gonna

be time to give him the talk.

The talk? You mean the talk

about the nitty-gritty?

- The "nitty-gritty"?

- I'm on it, Sar-Bear.

I've been looking forward to

this for a long time.

I got a whole speech prepared,

all right?

It's all heartwarming stuff.

I'm sure you and Brad will do

a bang-up job with that.

Unless this isn't

a co-dadding moment?

- No.

- No.

- I mean, no, of course it is.

- It is.

- Yeah, it is. It's gonna be.

- Okay, yeah.

Yeah, we're gonna

talk to him together.

Oh, Dusty! I read about some

gender-neutral flashcards.

Flashcards.

He's got flashcards

to teach your son how to score.

BRAD:
No, of course not.

They cover human reproduction,

puberty, and hygiene.

Okay, great. You tee it

up with the flashcards,

and I'll knock it home

with the heartwarming speech.

- All right? We got this.

- You're all set.

I'll never forget when Brad first

started asking questions about girls.

I took him out for "the talk."

He was so inquisitive and

attentive.

Then I dropped him back off

at his dorm.

Yeah...

Well, come on in.

(ALL EXCLAIM)

Hey, look, there's a game room!

- KAREN:
Wow. Adrianna, look.

- DYLAN:
And a pool table!

This is what I'm talking about.

Look at that view!

Look at all the mortise and

tenon joinery!

Sittin' fat.

Your old man sure pulled the

right rein getting this place.

Oh, wow. I know. Better throw

you a parade, huh?

(LAUGHING) Oh, I am really

looking forward to that.

Well, you want the thank yous

printed on the bass drums

or the sousaphone covers?

Hey, did anyone bring my bag in?

My supervisor Clyde Unix...

He took over after

Kirby Keller retired in '86.

Horse farm,

upper peninsula of Michigan.

Gorgeous country,

if you ever get the chance.

Wow.

Nice shower. (CHUCKLES)

That's weird.

No controls.

Hey, honey,

how do you turn the shower on?

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Shower on.

Off! Shower off!

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Shower off.

Gosh! Ooh!

Voice-activated water. Cool.

- AUTOMATED VOICE: Water cool.

- (YELLS)

- Off! Shower off!

- AUTOMATED VOICE: Shower off.

- Water... Cool...

- Water. Shower cool.

- Cool the water.

- Water cool.

Water off! Turn off!

Off.

Oh, my God.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

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