Daddy's Home 2 Page #4

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SARA:
Oh, my God!

You scored on yourself.

Friendly fire.

KAREN:
Eight ball,

corner pocket.

- KURT:
Ooh! No slashing.

- Yeah.

- Good job, babe.

- Thank you, babe.

SARA:
(GROANS) Come on, Sara!

No, that is holding.

(CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYS LOUDLY)

It's too loud, Dylan!

Turn it down!

I don't know how!

Hey, hey, hey, turn that down!

Griffy's asleep.

(LOWERS VOLUME)

Why are you dressed like

a woman, Brad?

I can't find my stuff.

Are you sure you got my bag

to fit in the car?

Yeah, of course. It fit perfect.

Look, can we skip this one?

I can't stand this song.

- Skip it. Skip it, guys.

- Oh, no, no, no! No, Sara.

This is a great song.

This is my real dad's

favorite Christmas song.

Yeah, well, I'm glad it makes

him happy.

You think I don't want to like

this song?

Of course I want to,

it's a super uplifting song.

- Yeah.

- But he ruined it for me.

What are you talking about?

All right, so I'm 12 years old,

and I join the Glee Club.

(CHUCKLES) Glee Club.

All my buddies in the neighborhood,

they gave me crap over it,

but I don't care,

because for the holiday pageant

we're doing

Do They Know It's Christmas?,

and I was determined

to land that Bono part.

There's a world outside

your window

And it's a world of dread

and fear

Where the only water

flowing is...

DUSTY:
So my buddy Derrick Lindmeyer

is laying into the Sting part,

when out in the audience,

what do I see?

My dad giving Scotty

Kimball's mom a foot rub,

not even paying attention!

I totally missed the Bono part,

and everybody made fun of me.

(GIGGLING)

And there won't be

snow in Africa

this Christmastime...

I got no recollection of that.

Yeah, well, I do, all right?

And I got a lot of other

stories just like it.

- Science Fair, you left with Brian Higby's mom.

- (SCOFFS)

Little League regionals, you left with

Mark Fitzgerald's mom and his aunt!

(STAMMERS) Oh, yeah,

now that I remember.

Yeah, yeah.

That went into extra innings.

Know what I mean, kid?

(CHUCKLES)

- No.

- Ah.

Nice.

Dusty! Dusty! Come on.

He's gonna ruin Christmas, Brad,

I'm telling you.

(SIGHS) Look, I hate to hit you

with the tough love,

but the only person

who can ruin your Christmas

is looking back at you

from that mirror.

- All I see is you, Brad.

- Oh.

Okay. Well, sorry. Here. Here.

There. There we go.

- Still you, Brad.

- Is it?

Yeah, it's still you.

Okay, well, look, I'm looking

at you, so I meant you.

Well, I'm looking at you,

so I see you.

Forget the mirror.

You're the only one

who can ruin your Christmas.

Don't look at the mirror!

I'm still looking at you

if I look in the mirror.

Don't worry about the mirror.

That was bad.

- Forget the mirror exists.

- Okay.

Let's just focus on those kids

and giving them

a better childhood than you had.

- You're right.

- Yeah?

It's about them.

It's about giving them

a better Christmas.

There you go.

Yeah, and then we jam that amazing

Christmas right in his butthole!

Yes, we do.

Wait! Whoa, whoa! No.

DUSTY:
Yes!

You know, Dusty, I'm just gonna

take the mirror down.

Then we don't have to worry

about it.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Yeah!

- Here we go.

- Here we go.

Hey, where's your glove?

No! Griffy!

Excuse me.

(GRUNTING)

Griffy!

(LAUGHING)

Griffy! Hey!

(GASPS) Griffy!

Griffy!

- Watch out, honey!

- (SARA GROANS)

(YELPING)

(GRIFFY BABBLING)

- (BRAD SCREAMING)

- Is that Brad?

- That's Brad!

- That's Brad.

(PANTING)

- That boy never...

- (ALL LAUGHING)

Hey, come here. Look at this.

(LAUGHING)

- Mmm. Honey.

- (GASPS)

- Oh.

- Ow!

Dusty, you like that?

Let me capture

this for posterity.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

DON:
The Nativity is a big deal

in Terra Haute.

This is the Redeemer,

this is Abundant Life.

Dad.

- (STAMMERING)

- Let's go, Pop-Pop.

- It's real pretty.

- We'll take the pretty gun.

No. No, no, no, no.

We're not gonna take that today

'cause we are a gun-free family.

Good Lord.

What has he turned you into?

- Ahh!

- Ha-ha!

All right, throw it down!

All right, here it comes,

Braddie!

Brad!

SARA:
Hey, honey!

Brad! Brad!

You need a hat.

You're gonna freeze, babe.

Thanks, sweetie.

- You look cute.

- (CHUCKLES)

Hey, I want to talk to you.

I'm worried about your dad.

Don't you think he seems slightly

less chatty than normal?

You got to be shitting me.

I mean, he shows up here without

your mom?

Don't you think that's weird?

There might be a problem?

With my mom and dad's

relationship?

Yeah!

What? They love each other

more than we do!

Yeah.

I brought you your hat!

No, honey,

I didn't mean it that way.

It's a huge compliment. Come on.

You got to understand.

Brad! The Christmas lights!

No, no, no, no.

(GROANS)

All the light strands

are connected.

A terrible idea!

None of these switches work!

- Heads up.

- (YELPS)

Dad! What are these levers for?

Ow!

- Sara!

- Stand clear!

Brad! (WHIMPERING)

(GRUNTING)

DUSTY:
Brad, let it go!

I don't want it to hit your car.

- SARA:
Let it go!

- (BRAD SCREAMING)

- Tell him to let it go.

- Let it go!

- (YELLING)

- (SARA SCREAMING)

DUSTY:
Are you all right?

Look what you did

to the side of my car, man.

(ALARM BLARING)

Dusty, I'm so sorry.

- (GROANS)

- SARA:
Honey!

- (CAMERA CLICKS)

- (LAUGHING)

I'm not putting that Santa Claus

back up there.

I don't want to put it back

on the roof, either.

- Why didn't he let go?

- (LAUGHING)

Because he's an idiot!

(PANTING)

(SCOFFS)

Son of a...

(DON SNORING)

Don.

Don.

Don, wake up. Don!

Don, wake up! Don! Don!

(MUMBLING)

Kurt, are you okay?

Did you have a bad dream?

Do you need to talk?

Yeah, I need to be held.

My heart hurts. No!

Did you touch the thermostat?

Did you turn it up?

Well, of course not.

Did somebody fiddle

with the thermostat?

Yes! It's 85 degrees.

85! Do you have

any idea how much

even a few degrees

can impact the gas bill?

Of course I do!

It's unthinkable.

Dad? Kurt?

What's going on in here?

Why is it so hot?

Someone fiddled

with the thermostat!

What? Who would do that?

(DOOR OPENS)

What do you think you're doing?

It's roasting in here!

I like to sleep

with my window open.

Hey, kid.

Are you allowed to touch the

thermostat at your mom's house?

(SCOFFS) Duh.

(DOOR CLOSES)

What is going on?

Adrianna! She turned

up the thermostat!

Said she fiddles with

the thermostat at your place

any time she damn well pleases.

Dusty, is that true?

Tell me that's not true.

Oh, criminy, Dusty!

You might as well give her your wallet

and your 401(k) while you're at it!

Brad, do you let the kids touch

the thermostat at your house?

What? No! The thermostat

is a sacred covenant.

I can't believe

we're even talking about this!

This is madness!

Oh, God, even Brad's got

his house in order.

Hey, you got no right to talk,

all right?

It wasn't hard to keep me away

from the thermostat

once you shipped me off

to military school.

Kurt, you didn't.

He was out of control.

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