Daddy's Home 2 Page #7

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Thank you, sweetie.

Thank God.

There's Brad with some makeup

cocoa for being such a jerk.

Thank you.

- Brad! What are you doing?

- (GROANS) Oh, God.

(SCREAMS)

- Why would you do that?

- Look what you made me do!

- I didn't do anything.

- I didn't make you do it!

I thought you were bringing me

hot makeup cocoa

and you just, like,

threw it all over yourself.

You almost burned me, Brad!

- I wasn't bringing you makeup cocoa.

- Why not?

I would've said, "Here, bud,

here's some makeup cocoa."

- I've been waiting for my makeup cocoa.

- I didn't know that!

If I knew you wanted makeup

cocoa, I would've...

81!

No, no, don't touch that!

I talked her down

from the high 80s.

I'm making progress with her.

This is good.

I thought you had

your house in order.

Look, don't you see?

We're doing exactly

what he wants.

We're letting things

out of the harbor!

- So you are harboring.

- Of course I'm harboring!

And so are you.

Harboring was working just fine

before he showed up.

Let's get everything

back in the harbor

and let's harbor it all back

in and close up the harbor.

I don't know if I can!

Remember you said let's put the

focus back on the kids?

That was a great idea!

- Fine. Harbor's closed.

- Good.

But we're going halfsies

on the cell tower.

Fine, halfsies

on the cell tower.

Brad, are you okay?

Yeah.

- Did you make tee-tee in bed?

- No, it's cocoa.

Did your cocoa make you tee-tee

in bed?

You're sleepwalking.

Go back to sleep.

The big boy doesn't

have to be embarrassed.

How would I pee upwards?

(ROCKABILLY MUSIC PLAYING)

7 and a half. 13.

(EXCLAIMS)

- Pretty good.

- Yeah.

Better than before.

Yeah, the skip was really cool.

Hey. Do you mind?

Bowler's etiquette.

- What do you mean?

- It means you're crowding me.

What? You can't bowl

with me here?

That sounded like a strike.

How's your hearing?

- Dylan, come on, buddy, you're up!

- All right.

Let's go. Hey, come on.

You can do this, okay?

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

What's with the kiddie stuff?

- What? The rails?

- Yeah.

It's how the kids

learn how to bowl, Dad.

You learn by fearing the gutter.

Like in life, Dusty.

Now, Kurt. The rails help a young

bowler build a positive self-image.

Dylan, come here.

Do you want to bowl

with those sissy rails up,

or do you want to stand

and bowl like a man?

I don't need the rails,

I guess.

Attaboy! I'm proud of you, kid.

Hey, I'm proud of you too,

big guy, all right?

BRAD:
Dylan's going

without the rails.

(GASPS) No rails?

Whoo! All right, Dylan!

BRAD:
Don't be afraid

to release it high.

Here we go.

BRAD:
Good try.

When he's up there with the tears and

"I suck at everything" business,

that's on you, Mr. School of

Hard Knocks.

Hey, better than him

living in your basement

in 20 years, Mr. Sissy Rails.

Come on, buddy.

Give it another shot.

Okay. New start, new beginning.

Here we go.

(GRUNTS)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Yay!

- Oh, yeah.

- (WHOOPS)

(GRUNTS)

Are we certain he understands

the game?

He seems to almost be

trying to put it in the gutter.

I know. He needs to get

more height on the ball.

(GRUNTS)

I hate this frickin' game!

It's so frickin' stupid!

Hey, everybody, check it out!

This kid's about to bowl

a perfect zero.

Hey, mind your business!

Hey, how do you think this is gonna

make him feel about himself?

Well, this is character

building.

Even the ridicule.

- Come on, bud.

- Come on, Dylan!

- (CROWD GASPS)

- It's okay.

I suck at everything!

I quit, I quit!

Hey. Hey, kid, listen.

We Mayron men might not always

show up.

I mean, we want to show up,

we intend to,

but sometimes,

we get trashed the night before,

or we wreck a speedboat,

or hook up with

some Emirates flight attendants

and somehow end up on a redeye

to Dubai.

You know what I mean.

The point is, we may not always

show up,

but when we do, we finish what

we start.

Now you get up there and grab

those balls.

DUSTY:
Come on, you got this.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Go, bro!

I'll take that.

I'll cover that.

Come on, honey!

- Come on, buddy.

- You can do it, kid.

Please. Please.

(ALL CHEERING)

Whoo! I did it!

Thanks for believing in me,

El Padre!

You bet, buddy! I knew you had

it in you!

You're a winner!

You're a winner!

I did it!

(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, where were you guys?

We're almost at

the front of the line here.

We were at the Starbucks

checking out the local talent.

Cute little number at the next

table was giving this one the eye.

And El Padre got a phone number

from the lady who made the coffees.

We got free ones!

(KURT CHUCKLES)

- I drink coffee now.

- What? Get in here.

Big jump!

SANTA:

Welcome to the North Pole!

(GUNFIRE ON IPAD)

Hey, honey, are you sure you don't

want to go see Santa with the boys?

You were so excited.

Mom, Santa is so lame.

- Come on.

- He can hear you, you know!

You know, I'm sorry...

My daughter thinks that

your daughter is amazing.

Oh, that's sweet.

Which is cute, you're right,

but sometimes when Adrianna

does certain things,

then Megan thinks that it's okay

to do it because you said that...

Oh, my God.

Are you really stealing

right now?

Sometimes I shoplift

a little bit.

It's exciting!

No! I mean... Okay, yeah,

it's a little exciting.

My heart's really beating

out of my chest.

What if we get caught?

You got to put it back!

You're so obedient.

You're always following

the rules, you know.

Come on, Sara.

Have a little fun with me.

Relax.

I mean, I would love

to have a little fun with you,

but I just want you to know,

I am not obedient, okay?

- Then put this in your pants.

- No. No, thank you.

And don't touch my b*obs.

It's weird.

Stop it!

I'm not going to shoplift!

- Why not?

- Because...

Because you're about to see why.

- Pardon me, miss?

- Yes?

- Is this woman bothering you?

- What?

She's a little judgmental,

but she's fine. Thank you.

No worries.

Welcome to the North Pole!

And what do you want for

Christmas?

(SQUEALING)

Oh, I didn't miss it. Hi!

Right there.

This is a great shot.

- Are you getting it, honey?

- Yeah, I got a good one.

That's a great shot.

BRAD:
Thank you, Santa.

- SANTA:
You're welcome!

- Hi, honey.

What about you, big brother?

I'm sure you've been good.

What's on your list?

DYLAN:
I kind of want

a 20-gauge shotgun,

so I can go turkey hunting

with my El Padre!

What the heck?

Where'd he come up with that?

Did he just ask for a firearm?

Sure did! 20-gauge. Kid knows

his guns.

Kurt, we've already been through

this. Dusty and I...

Yeah, it is final. That's it.

It's not happening.

Really? Because I don't remember

being part of that discussion.

Or am I just some little obedient wife

who does whatever the men folk say?

Yeah, that doesn't seem quite

fair to me.

Oh, piss off, Kurt.

Honey, he's talking about a gun.

If I may, can I just

have a word with my grandson?

I just want you to fully

understand what you're asking for.

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