Daddy's Home Page #9

to the winning team Brad.

- Get on this.

- I'd really rather not.

I'm trying to share a moment

with you here. Please five me.

It feels... No, thanks.

- Got it!

- Wait. No.

- Sweet.

- It didn't count.

I love you, Brad.

It's not a binding high-five.

Fat beans in there.

- Dusty?

- Brad.

What can I do for you?

Oh, wow, that's some impressive up-downs.

Look, uh,

what you did for Sara and me,

that's a life-changer, and

I just wanted to say thank you.

And I'm sorry.

Sorry for what?

Well, here's the thing.

I mean, you show up,

here's this guy who's cool and exciting.

I guess I felt a little competitive, and

slightly insecure, and I start thinking,

well, maybe you want to challenge me.

But today you proved that

all you really care about

is our family's happiness.

Oh, man.

I'm humbled.

I mean it. And you know what?

You're right. I was challenging you, Brad.

- Yeah?

- The truth?

I see this new man in my kids' life.

He's kind and caring and successful,

and I don't even want to like you.

But I can't help it. I like you, Brad.

Really?

I was determined to push you out

and get my family back.

I was underhanded

and disingenuous about it.

I feel like a monster.

No. No, no, no.

(SIGHS)

At the risk of being disrespectful,

I want you to shut your mouth.

You are allowed

to have those feelings. Okay?

Heck, we're talking about

your own children here, for cripes' sake.

Clean slate?

Absolutely.

Come here.

(SIGHS)

You know what's funny?

You're not even sweating,

after doing all those push-ups.

That's exemplary.

(SIGHS)

Thank you, Dusty.

Thank you, Brad.

Oh, uh...

You know, all that stuff about pushing

me out and taking over my family,

I mean, we're through all that, right?

Oh, no, no, no. I'm here to defeat you

and take back my family.

That can't change.

But now I'll follow your noble example

and do it above board.

Honestly. Like a man. Like you.

But we just hugged. You said you like me.

Oh, I do like you, Brad, very much.

It doesn't make this any easier.

You know I'm gonna have to tell Sara

what you said in here today.

Of course.

It would be irresponsible not to.

She's not gonna like it.

She's gonna want you out.

You're right about that, Brad.

What the hell are you up to?

I just told you what I'm up to.

My head is spinning right now.

Hey, you got any sweet potatoes? Or yams?

Sweet potatoes or yams?

Griff, you know we have yams, all right?

You made me buy them for you.

I wanted to respect

your house by asking you

before I got them.

I didn't want to just go grab yams.

Okay, I appreciate that.

I'm dealing with something.

- Just go get the yams.

- All right.

Here's the thing. You're right, Dusty.

Yeah. I'm not going to tell Sara.

But I'm gonna prove to you

that I'm the best.

You can eat my dust, Dusty.

Christmas already?

Why didn't anybody tell me?

It's not. It's the middle of April.

- Daddy must have done this!

- BRAD:
Ho, ho, ho, ho!

No, he didn't. (LAUGHS)

- Brad.

- Ho, ho!

Claus is the name.

Santa Claus, if you please.

But this Brad you speak of called me

all the way up at the North Pole.

He said his children were so sad because

their biological father had missed so many

Christmases and birthdays

and special family holidays,

so he asked me

to come here today so that Dusty

could experience one Christmas

with his kids before he leaves again.

Probably for a long, long time.

Ho, ho, ho!

Can we open presents?

You sure can, little girl.

I think they're from Brad.

In fact, all the presents are from Brad.

Let's see if any of the

presents are from Dusty.

Nope. Not one present from Dusty.

All from Brad.

Hey, kids, let's not forget

who got you a dog. Remember?

Hey, Tumor, quit humping Mrs. Claus!

(GROWLING)

Okay, I am officially worried about you.

Don't worry, Claus hasn't forgotten you.

Huh?

- For me?

- Yeah.

(GASPS)

Oh, my God, honey, it's beautiful.

I love it.

Wait, no! No! No, no. It's too much.

(TUMOR BARKS)

Oh, no, it looks like Tumor's

given away Megan's big gift.

(SCREAMING JOYFULLY)

A pony! A pony! A pony!

I know, it's a pony!

- Ho, ho, ho!

- (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

It's a pony, Dusty! A pony!

Can we name her Princess Elsa?

You can name him whatever you want,

because it's yours!

Brad, how can we afford a pony?

Where are we even going to put that thing?

I can clear out some stable

space in the garage.

Look, it's only half a horse.

Okay? Think of it like

a big dog, only a lot better.

Oh, what's this? What the heck?

It's tickets to tonight's

NBA playoff game...

- What?

- ...against Dylan's favorite team,

the Los Angeles Lakers?

Oh, thanks, Brad! You're the coolest!

I love you, Brad!

Not bad.

Not bad at all.

Merry Christmas, Whitaker family!

GRIFF:
Christmas?

How long was I asleep for?

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

- You guys got enough candy?

- Yeah!

Remember, you can have anything

you want, 'cause it's Christmas!

No, it isn't. It's not Christmas, kids.

- BRAD:
All right. Here we are.

- Oh, sick! We're this close?

Yeah. Pretty good, right?

Megan, you sit down right there.

Perfect. Dylan, you sit next to me.

And, Dusty, I'm so sorry. Yeah.

I could only get four in a row.

I couldn't get five.

So you're across the aisle,

next to that gentleman.

All right, guys, I'll be right here.

- We can still chat.

- Bye, Daddy.

Look, there's Kobe! It's him!

He's right there.

Thank you, Brad, this is the best present

I've ever gotten.

- You are so welcome.

- In my whole life.

I'm glad to hear it's the

best present you've ever got!

How much did these seats cost?

Not too much.

ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,

let's give a big welcome

to all the kids from Hearts of Courage.

Whoo! Hearts of Courage kids!

Proud of you, you're all miracles!

Whoo! I love kids!

All right, honey. That's plenty.

I just get excited

when I'm with my family!

Dusty! Dusty Mayron!

- Marco? Hey!

- (MARCO LAUGHS)

What's up, man? Are you coaching now?

Yeah, I'm the new strength

and conditioning coach.

- Oh, man.

- Check you out.

Hey, I played ball with him in Italy.

This is my family. My little guy, Dylan.

He's the biggest Kobe fan in the world.

Really? Well, come on down.

I'll introduce you.

- What?

- What? You hear that?

You want to meet Kobe?

MARCO:
Bring the whole family down.

You guys can sit with the team.

Hey, this is my little girl, Megan.

She just invited me to her first

Daddy-Daughter Dance.

- So sweet.

- What did he just say?

What the hell did he just say?

Oh, sorry. He's okay.

No, I'm not okay. He's not okay.

- Honey, you need to calm down.

- No! I'm not gonna calm down.

She asked me first!

And now she's asking him?

No. It's not fair.

You know what, actually, it's very fair.

Okay? She has two dads.

She wants you both there.

You just have to accept that.

No, I'm not going to accept it. All right?

I do pick-up! I do drop-off!

Okay, I volunteer at school!

I listen to the tantrums and the crying

Rate this script:4.0 / 2 votes