Daffy Duck's Quackbusters

"And then, Nose-man takes the ax...

...and chops his way into the city's

inner sanctum. "

And then what? Then what?

Ah! Here it is. Nose-man says:

"This place is malodorous.

Chock full of malignancies. "

Gads, this comic's a real page-turner.

It's slopping over with gripping suspense.

Let's see now, let's see. Nosey says:

"Do my nostrils detect

the overpowering stench...

...of a prehistoric monster?"

He turns around and...

Smogzilla.

"Story continued in Hideous Tales

Issue Number 177."

Gee, that's nice.

"Story continued in Hideous Tales 177"?

Where is it? Where is it?

It's a veritable collector's item.

- Quick, you're on in five seconds.

- What? Who? Where? Huh?

Gee, tough audience.

Hm.

Say, this stuff works great.

Take it, Ghoulie.

They're drenched in blood

Or caked with mud

You yell and scream

When one of them arrives

There is no denying

Monsters lead such interesting lives

They live in ooze

They've paid their dues

No brothers, sisters

Moms or dads or wives

Honest, I'm not lying

Monsters lead such interesting lives

When you see them

Coming down the street

You better not have weights

Tied to your feet

They'll steal your heart

Tear you apart

Limb from limb

On a whim they'll suck your brains

And eat your remains

They'll slice you up

With little forks and knives

They're never merry

They're oh so scary

Monsters lead such interesting lives

They're independent fellas

They don't live nine-to-fives

Monsters lead such interesting lives

Thank you. Thank you.

So are you folks enjoying yourselves?

Hi, Frankie. How's the missus?

Look, it's mummy dearest.

Still all wrapped up in yourself, I see.

And... Whoa, it appears

we have a celebrity in our midst.

That 22-ton terror of Tokyo town...

...that towering colossus

of scaly reptilian bulk.

Of course, I'm talking about...

Throw a spot on him, would you, fellas?

Smogzilla!

So, Smog baby,

leveled any major cities lately?

You know, folks,

Smogzilla's just like any unemployed actor.

Except that when he pounds

the pavement...

...it registers a 10 on the Richter scale.

Aw. What's the matter?

The public not buying

those cheap special effects anymore?

Whew. A dream. It was all a dream.

Heh-heh-heh. Smogzilla.

You was expecting

maybe Calvin Coolidge?

Right this way, folks. Right this way.

It's a bargain at any price.

Step right up and get yourself

a brand-new DeLorean.

No household should be without one.

Just $60,000

in three easy weekly installments.

Yes, sir, these little babies

are selling like hotcakes.

Plus, there's a free six-pack

of ice-cold Billy Beer with every purchase.

They're sturdy, they're dependable,

they're factory fresh.

They're... They're... Hm.

Slightly used. They're...

Sticky Glue.

So strong it can suspend this cow

from an iron girder.

And so easy to use.

Just place between the thumb

and forefinger...

...gently squeeze, and...

And it really sticks.

Like that there.

I represent the Excelsior Appliance

and Appurtenance Company...

...with a complete line

of household appliances and appurt...

- Is the lady of the house in?

- No!

Here you are, folks.

Step right up. Step right up.

My company has authorized me to offer,

at slashed prices...

...this complete line of laugh provokers.

The little gem flower squirter.

Now, don't crowd. Don't crowd.

Well, isn't anybody gonna crowd?

Anybody?

How about a Joe Miller joke book?

Laughs galore.

Ajax rib-tickler, ma'am.

Amuse your boyfriend.

It's used like a...

It's nice.

Special price

on Chicken Inspector badge, sir.

It's only 13 cents.

Amuse your friends

with a 200-volt electric hand buzzer.

It's shocking.

MAN We interrupt this program for

the latest news on the health of tycoon...

...and financier, J.P. Cubish.

Special bulletin. J.P. Cubish, the

multimillionaire, is in a critical condition.

The ailing buzz-saw baron,

who has not laughed in 50 years...

...has been quoted saying

he'd give a million dollars...

...for one good laugh

before he passes on.

Suffering succotash,

what am I waiting for?

I'll make that old sad sack

bust a seam laughing.

Hmm. Imposing-looking pile.

Yes?

Your troubles are over, Jeeves.

Lead me to your stricken master.

Be gone.

- Can't go in, huh?

- No.

Oh, well, no hard feelings. Shake.

Cigarette?

Oh, you can see him. You can see him.

Right this way.

And that's just a sample.

Just a sample, Ruggles,

of what I can do for your master.

- Through here, sir.

- Thank you, boy.

Watch that first step, Meadows.

It's a dilly.

I was a bit dusty.

Zenith Little Giant Wall-Scaler.

What did you do to my teeth? What...?

Pop!

- Skol.

- Skol.

Gulp.

Gulp.

Whoops! How are things in Glocca Mora?

Once and for all, I'm going to...

Not so fast, my man Godfrey.

It becomes increasingly apparent

that I'm not wanted around here.

Are we to assume that there is anything

significant in this attitude of yours?

That A, a butler might not want his master

to recover his good health?

- But I...

- That B...

...said butler should endeavor

to remove from the premises...

...the only person capable of restoring

said health to said master?

No, no.

Where were you

the night of April the 16th?

L... I...

A likely story.

I see it all now.

You and the upstairs maid.

"Do the old boy in," you said.

"Elderberry wine and old lace," you said.

Then, "The quick getaway," you said.

Rio de Janeiro, tropical nights, romance,

and a heavy bank account.

- No. No.

- Yes. Yes.

But you weren't smart enough, John,

alias Johnnie.

Alias Jack.

Alias Jackie.

What's Humphrey Bogart got

that I ain't got?

But I... But you...

But just to show you I'm not all copper...

...I'm gonna give you

a 10-minute head start.

- But I...

- Don't try to fight me now.

Hurry, they're on your trail!

Run! Out this way!

And stay on the straight and narrow.

Now to business. Lace your corset, J.P.

Here I come.

Mm-hm. Hmm.

Don't worry, gramps.

We'll have you fixed up in a jiffy.

What's that for, bub?

I haven't even started yet.

What's the matter?

You see anything green?

Any flies on me?

"And to my beloved mascot,

Daffy Duck...

...who has given me much solace

in my final days...

...I leave the bulk

of my financial assets...

...with the provision...

...that Daffy use the money

to exemplify the highest spirit...

...of American free enterprise...

...and display honesty

in all business affairs. "

Whoo-hoo! Success at last.

Ah. Upward mobility.

The smell of it.

Gads, that Cubish. What a rube.

Honesty in business affairs.

Honesty in business affairs.

How corny can you get?

I mean, what's he gonna do?

He can't take it with him.

Oh, no?

Cubish.

What? No.

Cut it out, would you?

You must use the money

for good in the world.

Yeah, use it for good.

Strange that you should mention that.

My very intention.

You took the words

right out of my mouth.

You must provide a service

to the community.

Yup. Uh-huh. Sure, sure.

Community service.

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