Daffy Duck's Quackbusters Page #2

It's the American way.

Sheesh. What a hypocrite. What a gyp.

Community service, huh?

I'll give him community service.

I'll see to it that ingrate ghosts

are wiped from the face of the Earth.

I'll rid the world of disgusting

ectoplasmic slime like J.P. Cubish.

Nice ectoplasmic slime like J.P. Cubish.

Whew.

Quite artistic, if I do say so myself.

Things are really looking up.

Nice new office, appropriate decor...

...and me, set to embark

on a potentially lucrative business endeavor.

Yup, the supernatural

is a wide-open field.

There are crackpots out there who think

they've seen a spook or something.

It's supply and demand.

They supply the ghosts

and I demand the money.

All of which is safely ensconced herein.

Sixteen million, 17...

Twenty-six, 27.

Okay, it's all here.

What's left of it, anyway.

Now all I need is some underlings

to boss around.

After all,

somebody's gotta do the dirty work.

Which reminds me,

where is that stupid rabbit?

He was supposed to be here an hour ago.

Thinks he's such a big star.

Not again. Eek!

What'd I say? What'd I say?

I know, I know.

It was what I said about the rabbit, right?

Well, I take it back. He's a swell rabbit.

He'll be a valued and trusted associate.

All right, all right,

I'll make him vice president.

Cubish! I'll get you yet!

Well, seeing is believing.

"Daffy Duck, paranormalist. "

That's right. Paranormalist.

We'll be a pair of paranormalists. Get it?

Perhaps you were wondering

why I called you here today.

Well, actually,

I was just in the neighborhood, and I...

You couldn't wait to lend your support

to my little crusade against the undead.

I tell you,

it's a crisis of epidemic proportions.

All these vampires, zombies

and men from Mars traipsing about.

The streets aren't safe.

Something's got to be done about it.

Okay, okay, but why me?

It's your civic responsibility.

The public will listen to you.

A veritable paragon of wholesome

family entertainment. Eck.

Gee, I don't know.

This was supposed to be my vacation,

and...

Vacation, did you say?

We offer marvelous travel opportunities.

Palm Springs?

Well, close to it anyway.

How's the Bermuda Triangle?

We'll see what we can do.

Hmm. He looks cool-headed enough.

Time to test his mettle

under honest-to-goodness field conditions.

I'll give him the treatment.

Gasp.

- So is it a deal?

- Sure, sure. Just call me if you need me.

And by the way,

you never looked lovelier.

Heh-heh-heh. I love these novelty

accoutrements. They're a riot at parties.

But I wonder if that rabbit

will be able to cut the mustard.

Perhaps he needs a little backup.

Now for some creative recruitment

tactics.

Porky Pig, huh?

Well, you couldn't ask for a better pigeon

than that.

And then there are the numerous

fringe benefits...

...such as our generous

employee insurance policies.

You may rest assured

that if anything happens to you...

...I'll be well taken care of.

- So are you in?

- Oh, why, yes, Mr. Duck.

I would dearly love to join forces

with your brave band of a para...

Of ghost exterminators.

- Do you think you have what it takes?

- Oh, yes, sir.

I'll give him the acid test.

Oh, and one more thing.

Anyone that works with me

should never get me riled.

Oh, and why not?

Because I'm a split personality.

That's why not. I'm two people in one.

A schiz... A schizophreniac.

When people are nice to me,

I'm sweet, gentle and loving.

Hello, baby. Nice, fat little butterball.

Oh, heh, heh, now, stop.

But when some wise

guy starts pushing me around, look out.

I turn into a hideous monster.

Get the idea, buster?

I do. I do. Indeed, I do.

And I'll be real nice and kind

and gentle to you.

Oh, brother. Have I got this chump going.

What a knucklehead...

...falling for that split-personality

monster gag.

That treacherous trickster.

I'll show him who's a knucklehead.

I'll give him a dose of his own medicine.

I hope I look scary enough.

Well, I think I'll go

scare some more daylights...

...out of the little butterball.

Suffering catfish.

I didn't realize I was that hideous.

I'm not.

Heh-heh-heh.

Gosh, what a scaredy-cat.

Anybody who'd be scared

of a masquerade costume...

...is a craven little coward.

Take it easy, fat stuff.

I was just testing you.

Good news. You got the job.

You passed with flying colors.

You are too kind.

Hello.

Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny and Porky Pig...

...paranormalists at large.

Porky Pig speaking.

Yes. Why, yes, we do.

We'd be happy to send you

our free brochure.

Daffy Duck's the name,

the supernatural's my game.

What's that?

You say the Loch Ness monster...

...is living in your Jacuzzi?

Well, call Roto-Rooter.

Crank call.

All I can say is, never underestimate

the power of the media.

The phone's been ringing off the hook

ever since we started advertising on TV.

What the...? Now, how did he get in here?

How many times do I have to tell you?

No pets in the office.

Why don't you ever listen to me?

You got wax in your ears? L...

Ooh.

Eeps!

I've heard of deflation,

but this is preposterous.

Cease. Desist.

Wait, I get you.

I gotta be nicer to my slave labor, right?

Chubby over there.

I thought so. Say no more.

I'll treat him with kid gloves.

Sorry, Snuggles.

I didn't mean to startle you.

I may be in the chips...

...but I don't forget the little people

I've stepped on along the way.

I'll give you a raise. Two raises.

Bonuses galore. I'll... Oops!

Okay, that's it. Get out of here.

Why, I ought to...

What a sweet little fellow we are.

But my, don't we look peaked?

Sort of wan and sallow-like.

How thoughtless of me to have left you

cooped up in this stuffy old office.

There now.

Here's a nice spacious window ledge

for you to stretch out on.

Pardon me, Your Eminence.

I have some pap...

Some correspondence for you to sign.

Quiet. Our commercial's coming on.

MAN:

- and your entire family.

Hello, folks.

I don't know about you, but as for me,

there's nothing more upsetting...

...than having a bunch of unwelcome ghosts

and ghouls clanking around the house.

Did you ever have

one of those mornings...

...when you wake up to a whole series

of unexplainable phenomena?

Hey. Hey, hey, what's up, doc? What...?

Ahh!

What's going on around here?

Where did...? Ahh!

Where am I, anyway? Yeek!

If you've ever had this problem...

And who hasn't?

- just call Daffy Duck,

Bugs Bunny and Porky Pig...

...paranormalists at large.

Spooks spooked, goblins gobbled,

UFOs KO'd, aliens alienated...

...vampires evaporated

and monsters remonstrated.

Just call 555-5925.

Remember, that's the same

as dialing 555-KWAK.

A masterpiece.

Even better the 47th time you see it.

But too bad the rabbit

had to overact so much.

Just being a pussycat

is a constant hazard.

Whew.

They still haven't perfected flying.

I thought I saw a pussycat.

I'd better hide

or that bad old pussycat gonna get me.

No use hiding, bird.

I know you're around here somewhere.

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