Daffy Duck's Quackbusters Page #5

The Himalayas. Duty calls.

I'll hop down there,

make short order of this Bigfoot thing...

...and they'll generously reward me

with Tibetan beads and trinkets.

But, you know,

giant monsters aren't exactly my forte.

I could use a front man

to take some of the lumps.

Hmm. Sounds to me like another

menial task for that dumb bunny.

Transylvania, Transylvania.

Where is that stupid number?

- Yes?

- Hello, Bugs? Daffy here.

How's about a nice executive junket to...?

No, not Palm Springs.

To the rugged Himalayas.

Seems the local yokels have a problem

with some giant.

Must be some kind

of a native superstition.

Here we are, the Himalayas.

What a way for a duck to travel:

Underground.

Crimenetlies, it's cold.

Good thing I packed my winter wardrobe.

I don't see any giant.

Hey, come to think of it,

I don't even see any Himalayans.

You know, if we just reroute

through Albuquerque...

...we could probably hit Palm Springs

by this afternoon.

You and your one-track mind.

First things first, buster.

There's still the little matter of this giant

to take care of.

Guess I'll backtrack a bit.

I must have missed something

on the way.

All right,

what's holding up the works?

What's all the...?

Ahh!

Oh, what a cute little pink bunny rabbit.

Just what I always wanted.

My own little bunny rabbit.

I will name him George

and I will hug him...

...and pet him and squeeze him.

I'm not a bunny rabbit.

And pat him and pet him and...

You're hurting me. Put me down, please.

And rub him and caress him and...

I ain't no bunny rabbit!

Not a bunny rabbit, George?

Then how come you have long ears?

- How come?

- Long ears?

Those aren't ears. Those are sleeves.

So now put me down, please, huh?

Oh, George, you were naughty

to pretend you was a bunny rabbit.

I will punish you good.

Bad old George.

Look, doc,

I know where there's a real bunny rabbit.

A very cuddly and a fuzzy rabbit.

And then, after a carrot burger

and a malt in Albuquerque...

Oh, Bugsy. Bugsy, buddy.

Oh, hi. What's up, duck?

Come here, old pal.

My own little bunny rabbit.

Hey, an abominable snowman.

I will name him George

and I will hug him and...

Oh, sure. I know I'm a louse.

But I'm a live louse.

And I will give him security.

And I will keep him warm

like a mother hen...

...so he will never feel rejected

or lack for love.

Poor old Bugs.

But anyway you look at it,

it's better he should suffer.

After all, it was me or him,

and obviously, it couldn't be me.

It's a simple matter of logic.

I'm not like other people.

I can't stand pain. It hurts me.

Okay, Abom, here's your bunny rabbit.

A bunny rabbit, George?

- Bunny rabbit? Me?

- Yes, you, doc.

Very funny. Ha, ha. Very droll.

Hey, Shorty...

...what do you consider to be the

distinguishing characteristics of a rabbit?

Uh... Distinguishing character...

Yeah, yeah.

What makes a rabbit look like a rabbit?

Why, the long ears.

And whom around here has long ears?

Sorry to have to do this to you, bud.

Eh. Don't give it a second thought.

Oh, boy. Just what I always wanted,

my own little bunny rabbit.

They really do make a charming couple.

Pet him and squeeze him and rub him...

...and stroke his bill

and rub his pretty feathers.

Hey. Wait a minute.

Bunny rabbits

don't have feathers and bills.

I know. I know.

There goes your bunny rabbit.

Hey, George.

Wait.

Ho, ho!

Look out, bunny rabbit. This I gotta see.

And I searched and I searched.

Whew. It's hot.

But I never caught up

with my little bunny rabbit.

Gee, that's tough, Mr. Adomin-abable.

And now I'll never...

Gosh, it's hot.

- Never see my bunny rabbit again.

Don't give up hope, yet, doc.

If you love him, he'll come back.

Well, here I am.

Massacre started yet? Fireworks gone off?

Balloon gone up?

Oh, boy. A bunny rabbit.

Just what I always wanted.

I will name him George.

And I will hug him and squeeze him

and pet him and pat him and...

Hey.

Hey, what do you know? He melted.

He really was a snowman.

Abominable, that is.

Ahh! Eek!

Still bothered by monsters?

Don't despair.

Our company offers a fine line

of magic potions and unguents.

Guaranteed to rid the home

of your supernatural pests.

Whoops. Here they come.

Mm. Not bad.

So, folks, call Daffy Duck,

Bugs Bunny and Porky Pig...

...paranormalists at large.

Spooks spooked, goblins gobbled,

UFOs KO'd, aliens alienated...

...vampires evaporated

and monsters remonstrated.

Daffy Duck, ace paranormalist,

at your service.

Hello? Hello, Mr. Duck?

I wanna report an elephant

in my birdbath.

I beg your pardon, sir.

You say there's an elephant

in your birdbath?

Uh-oh. An obvious nutcase.

So there's an elephant in your birdbath.

Huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, how does he fit in it, sir?

Yeah. I see.

The elephant in your birdbath

is only 5 and a quarter inches tall.

Definitely non compos mentis.

Better summon the authorities.

No, no. You wait right there, sir.

Somebody will be coming

to call on you very shortly.

- Now, what was that address again?

- 112 North Highland.

Yeah, that's right. Please, hurry.

Steady, now, lad. Easy does it.

But I did.

I did see an elephant in my birdbath.

Sure, sure, I know.

I keep a giraffe in mine.

You're late.

He always used to be pink.

And Mother used to scold me

when I was only 3.

She'd say, "Dolores, you're not seeing

little lavender men in the sugar bowl. "

But I did, doctor.

And then when I went to nursery school,

my teacher, Mrs. Swanson...

She was a synthetic blond.

Well, Mrs. Swanson used to spank me,

spank me hard, even with...

I think it all began when Father

refused to take me to the circus.

I was a fragile child of 6.

Say, this teensy-elephant thing

has spread like wildfire.

Right up my alley.

A golden opportunity to go on TV

and placate the citizenry.

It can't fail.

I'll soothe their troubled brows...

...and be showered with goodies

by a grateful populace.

Good evening, I'm Zed Toppel,

and this is Frightline.

Tonight, the miniature elephant.

Is it real, or is it merely a figment

of our overactive imaginations?

A product of our troubled times.

Our guest is the noted metaphysician,

Mr. Daffy Duck...

...who may be able to shed some light

on this otherwise dark corner...

...of our national obsession with...

- Yeah, sure. Thank you, Zed.

Folks, this so-called miniature elephant

couldn't possibly exist.

Now, I can accept something plausible.

Ghosts? Okay. Vampires? Fine.

- But itsy-bitsy elephants? That's silly.

- Ha-ha-ha-ha.

That's just stupid. That's not even...

Yike!

The insult. The ignominiousness.

Publicly disgraced

on a coast-to-coast hookup.

Wait a minute. I can still get out of this.

It's that TV station. I'll sue them.

It's their fault.

No, wait. I was simply misinformed.

It's my advisor, that pig.

The perfect patsy.

Nobody will believe him.

He's a nincompoop.

Yeah, that's it. It was his fault. Yeah.

Who's to know? What the hay?

There's nothing wrong with

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes