Dancing Lady

Thirty beautiful girls,

the pick of New York City.

Guaranteed to send a shiver

up and down the spine...

of each and every boy from 18 to 80.

The gallant extravaganza...

- I don't like the looks of this place, Tod.

- Come on, you'll get a lot of laughs.

Step right up, folks. Step right up.

Step right up.

Thirty beautiful girls,

the pick of New York.

- Where do they pick them from?

- Right off the streets.

Come, come.

You're talking of the ladies I love.

Hey, mister,

can you spare a quarter today?

- Come on, I'll buy you a ticket. One more.

- Thanks.

I ain't had no entertainment for weeks.

There you are, Mr. Farnsworth,

there you are.

- Has the striptease begun yet?

- No, not yet.

- Tod, what is a striptease?

- Oh, it's some more of that...

What?

Hey, young fella

Best to close your old umbrella

Have a glorious day

Throwing rubbers away

'Cause it ain't gonna rain no more

Hey, young fella

Put your raincoat in the cellar

While you're tying your tie

Take a peek at that sky

'Cause it ain't gonna rain no more

Look at that brave little rainbow

Fighting those clouds up above

I'm in the ring, Mr. Rainbow

With a horseshoe in my glove

Hey, young fella

Throw away your old umbrella

Give your trousers a hitch

'Cause we're gonna be rich

'Cause it ain't gonna rain no more

Hey, pipe the carriage trade.

Give him love

With a kiss

Hold him close to you

With love's caress

Lead him on to happiness

With a sigh

And the thrill

Close your drowsy eyes

Drift to paradise

Give him love

And you'll hold your man

Say, Janie...

get a load of Park Avenue, will you?

Yeah, doing the slums in ermine.

I'll pull it for you, baby.

Encore, encore!

Wait a minute, beautiful.

Come on over to the station house,

the Lieutenant is throwing a party.

- Can't I even get some clothes?

- No, he wants you just as you are.

Oh, it's that kind of a party.

- Yes, it's that kind of a party. Come on.

- Well, wait a minute. Don't get to...

All of you, sit down.

Hey, what's the big idea?

All right then! He should come.

Oh, goody, we're going on a buggy ride.

I won't even have to walk home.

All right, let's go.

Get in, Mr. Farnsworth. Get in.

Thank you so much for the lovely party.

- Where do we go from here?

- Night court.

Night court? Excuse me, I'll walk.

Order in the court!

You are charged

with giving an indecent performance...

at the International Burlesque house.

- Who's the arresting officer?

- I am, sir.

What did you see?

- Well, they were doing an indecent dance.

- What kind of a dance?

Well, it was something like this,

Your Honor.

These girls were doing a striptease.

A striptease. I see.

What is your name?

Rosette Henrietta LaRue.

Occupation:
Hip swinging.

Now, Miss LaRue,

just what constitutes a striptease?

A good constitution

and a couple of zippers.

- Don't be ambiguous.

- I won't if you won't!

Sergeant...

to what extent of exposure

does the striptease go?

Hey, don't ask him, ask me.

I'll be delighted to show you.

- No, you won't!

- What's the matter? Why can't I show...

Order!

Next defendant.

The judge could give you 15 years

for what you're thinking.

It'd be worth it.

- Name?

- Janie Barlow.

- Occupation?

- Social worker.

Why were you doing a striptease?

If you'd walked the streets

looking for a job...

and hadn't eaten for a week,

you'd do a striptease, too.

Do you mean to tell me

that in a city like this...

burlesque dancing

was the only work you could find?

It was the only dancing I could find.

- Did it have to be dancing?

- Yeah, it had to be dancing.

- Why?

- Because I'm a dancer.

Young woman,

am I the defendant or are you?

I don't know who's the defendant,

but I'm the victim...

and you don't have to rub it in.

I don't see any girls hauled in here...

for pushing pencils around on paper

or massaging a typewriter.

I'm a dancer and I'll keep right on

being one when I get out of here.

You'll get out of here

when you pay a $30 fine.

You can't fine me, I haven't got a dime.

All right. $30 fine or 30 days in jail.

Right this way, please.

Recess, 15 minutes.

Let's go some place and get a drink.

I'm bored.

- Yes. Let's do that.

- Okay.

Take them over to the St. Regis Roof.

I'll join you later.

All right.

Come on. Come on, on your feet.

What's the matter now? Raising the ante?

No, dearie, somebody's paid your losses.

- What? You mean...

- You're bailed out.

Why'd you pay that $30 fine, Mr...

- Newton.

- Mr. Newton.

That's my business. Investments.

Sorry to tell you, but I'm

the kind of investment that don't pay.

- Why, I could give you everything...

- Can it.

Say, what're you writing all the time?

I'll tell you later.

You sure drink a good dinner.

Now, why did you want

to change the subject?

- What subject?

- You.

Don't you know you'll never get anywhere

with those notions of yours?

Maybe I will.

I'm like that guy

throwing quarters in the slot machine.

- I keep on trying.

- Listen, those machines are fixed.

It's 1,000 to 1 shot

unless you know the combination.

And I'm the little fellow

that knows the combination.

Little fellows like you have been trying

to teach me all sorts of combinations...

ever since I was a kid.

- But I only know one game.

- Dancing?

You said it.

Just the same, you're not playing

that right, with stopovers in jail.

I'll get my break.

I'm your break, beautiful.

I'm a chance of a lifetime, Janie.

You better take me up.

Oh boy, I won!

I'll stick to them 1,000 to 1 shots.

Sometimes they win.

I must say you're a pal.

Leaving me to get home from jail

on my own.

On your own? With that swell

Park Avenue juvenile bailing you out.

Why, you poor halfwit.

I sneaked off on purpose

just to give you a break.

You didn't stop to think I might have

to wrestle my way home, did you?

Oh, that's all right. Let him insult you.

Many a girl has cashed in

on a good, hearty insult.

Oh, I nearly forgot. He gave me a note.

Hope he signed his right name.

A $50.

"Don't say 'them things.'

"Don't say 'can it.' Don't say 'guy.'

"Don't buy shoes with ribbons on them.

"Don't forget, what's a striptease

on Second Avenue is art on Broadway.

"The $50 is to buy yourself a dress

without a zipper."

"Don't say 'can it."'

"Don't say 'guy."'

"Don't say 'them things."'

Why, that Park Avenue know-it-all.

"Don't buy shoes with ribbons on them."

Fresh egg! And don't...

And don't get so noble with the groceries.

There's enough in this to eat for a month.

Oh, all right.

Now I owe him $80.

Oh, how can you pal around with me

and still stay so dumb?

Say, what's the matter with them shoes?

These shoes.

Come on, baby, hit the hay.

The joint will be jammed tomorrow

and after our pinch tonight...

they'll expect us girls

to pull that zipper twice as fast.

I'm not going back to the joint.

I'm through with burlesque. I'm going up.

Up town and on my own.

Listen, hon, I've been up there

and I came down flat on my own.

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