Dave Chappelle: For What It's Worth Page #2

Synopsis: Chappelle cuts loose in what he does best, Chappelle-style! And for what it's worth, no one is safe from Dave!
Director(s): Stan Lathan
Production: Sony Pictures Home Entertainment
  Nominated for 2 Primetime Emmys. Another 2 nominations.
 
IMDB:
8.5
NOT RATED
Year:
2004
60 min
850 Views


That's it. There's no in-between.

You're not gonna get | monkey p*ssy on Tuesday...

and then be like, | ''Well, let me call Charlene,'' on Thursday.

No. Once you f*** a monkey, | that's a firm decision.

I'm out of the human p*ssy game for good.

It's ridiculous. | They act like monkeys are just as open as...

waiting for people to f*** them, man.

Monkeys don't wanna be f***ed by people.

Think about it. Think about how hard | it would be to catch a monkey...

and f*** it. That's ridiculous.

That's how it had to go down.

You think you're going to | walk up to him in the woods...

and bribe this n*gger | with fruits and bananas?

''Hey, buddy, hey.

''There you go, buddy, yeah.

''There you go, your big bright red ass.

''This big bright red booty.''

Do you know how strong a monkey is?

It would rip your dick off like a celery stalk.

Throw that sh*t in the tall grass, | to never be seen again.

''Hey, dog, we're gonna go to the club, | pick up some girls, you trying to roll?''

''No, man, I'm cool.

''I'm gonna stay home, | chill with my monkey.

''You know how long it took me | to train this monkey...

''to suck my dick...

''without peeling it?

''Last night, Chimp-chimp | jerked me off with his feet.

''N*gger, only a monkey can show you | that kind of love and tenderness.

''So you all keep f***ing these people | if you want, n*ggers.

''No, it's monkey p*ssy for me.

''I'm hooking up with an orangutan | next week.

'''Cause all I f*** | is chimps and orangutans.''

You know who I feel real bad for is Indians.

Everybody feels bad for the Indians.

They get dogged openly, | 'cause everybody thinks they're dead.

These motherfuckers | are not all dead, all right?

I've seen, with my own eyes, | I've seen a gathering...

of 1,500 Native Americans.

They were all gathered in one place. | The place is called Wal-Mart in New Mexico.

They were everywhere. | I've never seen Indians before.

I wasn't even sure if they were Indians.

It was f***ed up, but I asked one of them.

It's not nice, | but I seen them in the sports section...

looking at bows and arrows. | I had to say something. ''Excuse me...

''I don't mean to be rude...

''are you an Indian?''

And he was cool. ''Yes.

''Yes, I am Indian.''

I still didn't believe him.

I had to test him and be sure.

This is f***ed up, | but I had a gum wrapper in my pocket.

So, I balled that sh*t up | and I threw it on the floor.

And a single tear came out his eye. | I said, ''Oh, sh*t.''

I have so many questions.

I said, ''What tribe are you from?''

''I am a Navajo.''

I said, ''Word?

''I studied you in Social Studies.

''You're a hunter-gatherer, correct?''

He said, ''I guess so...

''if that's what you wish to call it.''

I said, ''Why, what do you call it?''

He said, ''I am...

''an alcoholic.''

I said, ''Well, what's your name, dog?''

He said, ''please. Dog is my cousin. | That was a good guess.

''My name is...

''Running Coyote.

''What is your name, friend?''

And that sh*t caught me off guard. | I didn't wanna say my name was Dave...

to a motherf***er named Running Coyote. | It don't feel good enough.

He's putting me on the spot.

I said, ''My name? What?

''Oh, my name's Black Feet.''

I changed the subject. ''Forget about me. | What's going on with you?

''I wanna meet your chief.

''Why don't me, you, your Chief, | and your friends get together tonight?

''We could have | a real-life peace pipe-smoking ritual.

''We need to celebrate | 'cause I thought you were dead.''

And he set it up. It was beautiful. | It was just like I dreamed.

We was all sitting around. | The Indians was beating the drums.

Other Indians came out the back...

with a long blanket that was folded in half | and put in front of us.

Opened that sh*t up...

and on the blanket | was a long wooden pipe with feathers.

And bags of weed were all over the blanket.

The chief walked over.

''The big ones are 50. | The little ones are 25 and these are 10.''

Man, those Indians got high as sh*t.

I was baked. I told the chief. | He was talking, I cut him off.

''Time out, Chief.

''Sorry to interrupt.

''I'm f***ing smashed, man. | The weed's too strong.

''You sure this isn't pCp? | The spirits have got me.

''Chief, the spirits have got me.''

And the Chief threw some water in my face. | ''Calm down, Blackface.''

I said, ''It's Black Feet, motherf***er. | Take it easy.''

''Black Feet...

''you are welcome to stay | amongst me and my tribe for the night...

''until the spirits leave you.''

And they gave me my own teepee | to sleep in...

which sounds nice. | I personally felt like it was a little f***ed up.

You know, 'cause they all had houses.

It's like, why can't I sleep | with you all in the house and watch TV?

Like, I can't be on this grass all night.

The Indians is rude, man. | Everybody's rude, the Indians.

They eating nasty food. | All they ate was corn and sh*t.

Doritos, I think they called it.

That's right.

people only see the surface. | They see the division in our foods.

Just 'cause I eat chicken and watermelon...

they think | there's something wrong with me.

If you don't like chicken or watermelon...

something is wrong with you, motherf***er.

Where are all these people | that don't like chicken and watermelon?

I'm sick of hearing about how bad it is. | It's great.

I'm waiting for chicken to approach me to | do a commercial. I'll do it for free, chicken.

It's the least I can do.

They make fun of Latin people for eating.... | What you all eating?

Beans? Rice? Corn?

Listen, that's not a reason | to hate a motherf***er, all right?

It's funny, but it's not a reason to hate.

The only reason these things | are even an issue is because...

nobody knows what white people eat.

You've been very good at keeping | that sh*t a secret amongst yourselves.

I study white people. You don't know that. | I'm writing a paper on you.

Not even for school, n*gger.

Just to do it, | just to do this independent research.

I'm spending my money. | That's why I'm working so hard.

I follow you around grocery stores. | They freak out.

I try to peek in their cart.

They say, ''Get away from my cart, n*gger. | What're you looking at?

''Chicken and giblets are over there.

''You must be lost. These are vegetables.''

I know what you drink.

See how quiet it got.

Grape juice.

Surprise, motherfuckers. You didn't know | I knew about grape juice, did you?

Oh, don't play dumb with me.

A lot of black people don't have the | privilege of knowing about grape juice...

because they have grape drink.

It's not the same formula that you get.

Ain't no vitamins in that sh*t.

You might have one of your | black friends over.

''Todd, would you care for a glass | of grape juice?'' ''What?

''N*gger, what the f*** is juice?

''I want some grape drink, baby.

''It's purple.

''I don't think I know what a grape drink is.'' | ''What?''

''I have some apple juice, if you want.'' | ''What the f*** is juice?

''I want some apple drink.

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Dave Chappelle

David Khari Webber Chappelle (; born August 24, 1973) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and producer. After beginning his film career in 1993 as Ahchoo in Mel Brooks' Robin Hood: Men in Tights, he landed supporting roles in box office hits including The Nutty Professor, Con Air, You've Got Mail, Blue Streak and Undercover Brother. His first lead role was in the 1998 comedy film Half Baked, which he co-wrote with Neal Brennan. Chappelle also starred in the ABC TV series Buddies. His comedy focuses on racism, relationship problems, social problems, politics, current events, and pop culture. In 2003, Chappelle became more widely known for his sketch comedy television series, Chappelle's Show, also co-written with Brennan, which ran until his retirement from the show two years later. After leaving the show, Chappelle returned to performing stand-up comedy across the U.S.In 2016 he signed a $20 million-per-release comedy-special deal with Netflix, which has released four of his specials.By 2006, Chappelle was called the "comic genius of America" by Esquire and, in 2013, "the best" by a Billboard writer. In 2017, Rolling Stone ranked him No. 9 in their "50 Best Stand Up Comics of All Time." Chappelle was awarded an Emmy Award for his guest appearance on Saturday Night Live In 2017. He received a Grammy Award for his Netflix specials The Age of Spin & Deep in the Heart of Texas. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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