Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid Page #2

- You could buy a lotta booze with that.

- Just a minute.

Look in the top.

It fits perfectly. Most of

the names are illegible...

But I can work out Kitty

Collins and Swede Anderson.

But what does "FOC" mean?

It's a slang word. When a man and a

woman are in love, the man puts his...

No, no. Written here. F-O-C.

Unless I miss my guess, that

stands for "Friends of Carlotta".

- I'm impressed.

- You think that's impressive...

There I was, standing like a kid

doing corny tricks for her...

Driving miles out of my

way just to see her.

Why?

What are you thinking, Mr Reardon?

So long, Dollface. I'll be in

Santa Barbara if you need me.

I found out Kitty Collins was

working at the Brentwood Room.

The Brentwood Room.

Where rich women go to meet rich

men so they can have rich kids.

Miss Collins?

Kitty wouldn't give me any information

if she thought I was a private eye...

Excuse me.

So I decided to act like a

big-shot movie producer.

- My name's Reardon. I make movies.

- How wonderful of you.

- You like boxing pictures?

- I'm afraid I've never seen one.

I'm casting a big boxing picture at RKO.

I'm looking for a singer. You interested?

The idea of two men beating each

other to a pulp makes me ill.

Well, I'm also doing

a religious picture.

The Story of Saint... Betty.

You know, the... nun who

taught the lepers how to sing.

- How wonderful of you.

- Thanks.

John Hay Forrest said you

were a friend of Carlotta's.

Will you excuse me?

I must have hit a nerve.

She went white as a ghost.

The next day I tailed Kitty

Collins to a fancy restaurant.

Midway through the meal, she noticed

me and did a pretty strange thing.

She took off her

brooch and ditched it.

I had a pretty good idea where.

Hold it, pal. I'm from

the health department.

We have a report that your soup

has too much jewellery in it.

"EOC." Enemies of Carlotta.

The only name on the list that wasn't

crossed out was Swede Anderson.

I decided to drop in on him

before they crossed him out too.

Swede wasn't living in luxury.

As a matter of fact, for a moment,

I thought he wasn't living at all.

Swede?

Sorry, Swede. I thought

you'd been murdered.

Come on, wake up!

Come on, Swede.

You need a cup of my java.

You're up. Good. The java

will be ready in a minute.

This is never gonna heal.

Anyway, my guess is by now Kitty

Collins is a million miles from here.

Do you think Swede was killed by the

same man who murdered my father?

Hold it, Dollface. No one's proved

your father's been murdered...

yet.

But you may be right about

this being a conspiracy.

It's big. Maybe too big

for me to handle alone.

Get me a cup of java, will ya?

- Yeah?

- Hello, Marlowe?

- Hello, Bernie.

- No, it's me, Rigby.

What's up?

I'm on an important case. I need

your help. How soon can you get here?

- I haven't had breakfast.

- Breakfast? You're late for lunch, pal.

- It's two o'clock.

- Two o'clock?

Hustle on over here. I'll make

you a cup of my famous java.

- I'd rather buy my own.

- Suit yourself. See ya in a half-hour.

And Marlowe. Wear a

tie, for God's sake.

What's that?

I found it in Daddy's desk.

It looks like a key to one of those

lockers at the train station.

Number's been filed off. What's

it say on that envelope?

"Most recent rat."

- Very clever.

- You understand what it means?

Just a hunch. You know the Chinese have

a different animal for every year?

- Yes.

- Unless I miss my guess...

The most recent Year

of the Rat was 1936.

This is the key to

locker number 1936.

- You're a very smart man.

- So was Abraham Lincoln.

Look what happened to him.

Smart can get you killed.

I hope not.

Sometimes I feel I would like to...

You'd like to what? Kiss me?

Yeah, that would be nice.

It would give me a chance to tell her I

was starting to feel something for her.

Something warm and squishy.

But a man in my business can't take

on a wife, have a bunch of kids.

- We wouldn't have to have kids.

- What?

Look, this is getting us nowhere.

But thanks anyway.

You'd better go now. Marlowe's

coming over here to talk.

If you need me, just call.

You know how to dial, don't you?

You just put your finger in the

hole, and make tiny little circles.

Come on in. It's open.

Hello, Marlowe.

Dammit. You didn't

do what I told ya.

I hate that dumb way of wearing

your shirt buttoned with no tie.

Let me get you a tie.

Here. This one's blue, but

you can wear it with brown.

- You annoy me.

- I annoy you?

You come in here with

no tie... Are you drunk?

- How many have you had?

- One martini.

- I knew I was gonna see you.

- Sit down.

Here's what I want you to do.

Here's a list of names I found in a

bowl of soup. Don't ask me to explain.

I think they're all dead.

I want you to check 'em out.

And Marlowe? Put this on

for me? As a favour.

It's a clip-on.

I put Marlowe to work checking Kitty's

list against recent unsolved murders...

While I yellow-cabbed

it to the station...

To see how Dr Forrest's key

would fit into the puzzle.

I sashayed over to

locker number 1936.

The key fit like a glove.

As I opened the locker...

I noticed a handsome guy in a

grey pinstripe watching me.

It seemed I wasn't the only one who was

interested in the contents of that locker.

Inside were two long lists of

Carlotta's friends and enemies.

The first name that jumped

out was FX Huberman...

Number 46 Bay Court

Drive, Grunion Point.

I decided to take a little train

ride and visit Mr Huberman.

I knew "Handsome" would follow

me, so to throw him off...

I cleverly ducked into the

men's room and lost him.

There was no way he could follow me

unless I had toilet paper on my shoe.

Damn!

It wasn't really toilet

paper, it was a seat cover...

But it was enough for a smart

guy to make the connection.

As soon as we went into a tunnel...

Handsome popped in and started

looking for a match... in my pockets.

- Was that your leg?

- No, it was my face.

I had no idea we were

going into a tunnel.

I'm sure.

I thought the

compartment was empty.

Yeah, right. sure.

- I'm so sorry. I hope I didn't hurt you.

- It's all right.

To what do I owe the

pleasure of your company?

The man in the next compartment's

smoking a vile cigar.

I had to come in here.

You don't smoke, do you?

- No, I have tuberculosis.

- Thank heavens for that.

After last night, my

head couldn't stand it.

I didn't want him to know where I was

going so I decided to put him away fast.

I always carry my harmonica.

It's lighter than an accordion, and

more powerful than a sleeping pill.

I left him napping like a baby when

I ducked out at Grunion Point.

Here's three bucks if you can get this

cab to 46 Bay Court in ten minutes.

Follow that cab!

It was a pretty clever thing I did.

By taking the only two cabs, I made

sure Handsome couldn't follow me.

When I arrived at Mr

Huberman's, I was surprised.

Mr Huberman turned out to be a sexy

dame who was throwing a party.

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