Dealin' with Idiots Page #2

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[stammering] Would you just

mind to let Ava sit here?

I'm sorry.

Come on, please.

Oh, thanks.

- Oh, hey.

- Umm...

Sorry I didn't bring you

a water.

- Hey Harold?

- I'm fine.

You know what, I need to

talk to Ava just

for a minute or two.

I'll, I'll, uh...

Okay.

I'll, I'll, but I'll come sit down in

a little while, later in the game.

It's nothing, It's nothing.

It's good.

We'll talk comedy later.

Oh, geez. He means well.

- I know.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ah, pitcher, I know where

your family lives!

Stop brushing my boy

back!

And how about some

more balls?

[umpire] Time!

That's a warning.

Warning? I'm a grown-up.

I'm not in school.

I don't care, ass-dick.

[umpire] You're gone!

I'm gone!

Hey everyone, I'm gone!

Come on man, come on!

What are you doing

to me right now?!

- It's his fault!

- You're killing me right now!

Hey! That's your dad?!

That's your dad right there?!

Whoa, whoa. Lets not make this

any messier than it already is.

Your dad's a jerk!

Your dad's a jerk!

I'm nobody you need to

mess with right now, okay?

Do you ever have

a kid here?

Hey, touch me, I sue you,

okay?

Hey, let's not make this

messy in front of the kids.

- Who is this guy?!

- Okay, let's go.

Who are you?!

Go away!

That's my son!

I'll be in the car Barneby!

Don't touch me!

Don't touch me!

[sighs]

- Bye-bye.

- Don't touch me.

You're outta here.

Whoa. Why would

someone behave that way?

[stammering] This is

an adult. An adult.

- So sad.

- Seriously.

- Sad.

- It's sad. It is sad.

And it's confusing. W-What

is his private life like?

What are their

private lives like

that make them act

like this?

What are they missing

in their lives

that make them act

like idiots?

Unbelievable.

Seriously unbelievable.

In front of the kids.

[indiscernible whispering]

All right, let's hear some

chatter! Come on!

Let's get it up!

Let's get it up!

Don't say, "let's get it up. "

Let's get it up.

[distant chatter

and clapping]

They're, they're a bit

touchy. They're kinda nuts.

Wow, they're crazy.

I mean, everything offends

them. So, everything!

I mean, what is wrong with

these people?!

What is wrong with these

people?

[yelling] What is wrong

with these people?!

These people, right there!

Take this.

- Where are you going?

- I'll be right back?

I gotta go talk to a man

about a horse. I'll be back.

Are we waiting for you?

Wait for me!

Commissioner Gordon.

No talking to the commissioner

before scores are official.

Okay? I'm gonna need you

to step over here.

Right there.

All right.

You don't have to keep your

eye on me, I'm not going to...

I know, I don't.

Forest, you can trust me.

You can go to the other

side and I'll wait here.

It's okay, Max.

[laughing incredulously]

Forest, I'm telling you...

Okay.

You can keep telling me.

All right.

I don't work for you.

Is that a quadruple

rainbow? [chuckles]

A quadruple rainbow? I've

never seen one of those!

What would cause a

quadruple...?!

The way..

Wait, that's impossible!

Pots of gold?!

Really? Pots of gold?

Pots of gold.

You're a comedian.

I am a comedian.

- Really?

- Yeah.

So you're not

that popular then.

I'm really into comedians

and I think I would know if

you're a comedian, if

you're a popular one.

No, I'm a popular

comedian.

Not in the top 100.

Tell you what, not only am

I in the top 100,

I'm probably top 20.

Top 20?

Top 20.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

All right.

How many Twitter

followers do you have?

About 100,000.

No, that's not top 20.

Score's official.

[yelling] Score's official!

Score's official.

Thank you, Forrest.

Thank you.

Max.

Hello Commissioner

Gordon.

I would never think of calling

you Steve, Commissioner... Gordon.

Commissioner Gordon...

[laughing hysterically]

If you see the Riddler or

the [raising voice]

Catwoman, you and Chief

O'Hara should...

It's really funny actually.

It's just something I love

doing. Anyhow, uh...

I've decided that my next

movie... hopefully...

There's a lot of steps

involved in this.

I'm gonna be doing some

research.

And the research I'm

doing, I'm gonna be talking

to, uh, parents, uh,

coaches, and uh...

everybody involved with

my kids baseball team.

Like a documentary on the,

the uh... the benefits of

SFV-LA baseball for, for

young children...

Documentaries are big

right now.

No, it's, it's a comedy.

A comedy.

Like a "how to" video for

parents if they wanna get

their kids into SFV-LA

baseball?

And the benefits of

learning how to be a

team member, and the

fundamentals of,

of building blocks for uh,

becoming a responsible

citizen and a good adult.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that would be good.

You know... a little change

of the subject here.

Your nanny is so

ridiculously beautiful.

I don't even know how

you... wow!

Well, Angela's the charge

of my, my son, Bennett.

There's nothing sexual

about her.

Oh, there's something very

sexual about her. Yeah...

Sorry I brought that up.

Okay.

All right, see you guys

later.

Okay, just stay off the

field, though. Please...

I'm not going back on, I

know 'cause you water it...

We water it and then we do

the chalk.

Stay off the diamond, Max.

I'm not going on the

diamond.

I don't think that's such a

great idea.

It'll be fun to spend time

with the crazy parents.

I don't know about that,

dad.

I... that's exactly what I

was just gonna say.

I... listen, I would not opt

to be with these people

on purpose, you know...

Well, you know, it's part,

it's the hard part

of my job. It's the

research.

It's the down-and-dirtiness

of comedy,

is figuring out what you're

gonna write about.

Sometimes grownups get

really weird.

Grownups always get

weird. Always.

Not sometimes.

They're just weird.

Just think, "people are

weird. " They're weird.

What if I told you

another little secret?

She's a bit weird.

I'm a bit weird!

You have weird parents.

You're not weird yet.

I don't want you to think

that all grownups are insane.

Well actually,

they are all insane.

Don't trust anybody over

the age of, of...

No, actually, ten.

Ten. Don't trust a 13-year-

old, they're too worldly.

'Cause they all have their

own phones and...

That's when it all breaks

loose.

By the way, we're not

doing that with him.

No, we're not doing that

with you.

You know that, right?

Yeah, you have friends now

who have phones, don't you?

Yeah, I know.

That's a bunch of crap.

Not gonna happen.

Max, I'm not sure about

spending more time than

is necessary with

that crowd.

You know, I don't have to

spend that much time

with them. Just a... few

hours.

What?

Nightmare.

I'd be happy to help.

I have a lot of

ideas for movies.

Okay, it's not... I just

wanna talk and get to...

I wanna get to know

the parents...

Here's my thing.

Here's my thing.

- Yeah?

- As long as it's educational

and instructive

for the kids...

The kids learn...

'cause kids are sponges.

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