Dealin' with Idiots Page #5

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Listen to that.

This car... running makes

less noise than most cars

when they're turned off.

It's a gorgeous car.

And listen, listen, listen.

You can't hear anything.

Listen.

Barely hear the door slam.

It's like a powderpuff.

It's not... I can hear it

slam. It's not loud,

When I was a kid, I wanted

a '67 Mustang. I got mine.

Here, come on in.

All right.

Honey?

Rosie?

Come in. Come in, please.

Let's see...

Rosie?

Oh, she's not here.

Well, this is where

it all happens.

This is where

the magic happens.

Every week,

we order pizzas

from around the world.

What are pizzas from

around the world?

I, you know, most people have

their favorite pizzeria, you know.

We order pizza from,

literally, I'm telling you,

20, 30 miles away. You just

get a flavor from...

[stammering]

There's one way out call...

Hinojosa's,

and it's delicious. It's a

wonderful thing to have.

Mmm-hmm.

Memories, memories,

memories.

[silence]

Pictures. Very nice.

This is the one

I'm most proud of.

We were in Mesa, Arizona.

- You ever been to Mesa?

- No.

It's hot.

I mean, it was burning.

You know, the type of

burning, you know,

you could be in sandals,

you could be in sneakers.

It doesn't matter. You still

feel it beneath your feet.

And we rented the

sombreros, the ponchos,

even had guns. He's got a

gun. You can't see my gun.

Look at the tenacity on

that kid's face.

And the women were

scared. I'll give you that.

We were scared.

But dammit, we weren't

gonna let anything cross us.

But you took that at, like, a

photo, uh, place, right?

No, no, no. Not a ph...

It's one of those expansive

places, you know?

I mean, way out, is, is, are

the souvenirs and everything.

But just sort of...

A kiosk of some sort?

Wasn't a kiosk.

It was... You've got a

photographer out there

and you, you, you go out...

And you go out.

It was the west! We were

in Mesa!

Mmm-hmm.

It was a...

No!

No.

It was anything but

a kiosk.

[light knocking on door]

Tony?

[door opening]

[whispering]

S.O.F. [exhales]

Yeah.

That's great.

What's S.O.F.?

[whispering]

"Soldier of Fortune. "

"Soldier of Fortune. "

Why you guys whispering?

[whispering]

I can't let Rosie know

that I'm getting

"Soldier of Fortune. "

If she knows that I have

"Soldier of Fortune,"

she'll kill me.

[whispering] Kill him. [chuckles]

- Okay.

- Yeah.

That's great.

I can't believe... Have you

been to the range?

[whispering]

Every night.

Yeah.

That's cool.

All right, I gotta hide this.

Okay, thanks buddy.

[exhales]

[both whispering]

How you doing?

- Good, how you doing?

- Good.

- I'm Max.

- Hi, Max.

- I'm Tony.

- Hey, Tony.

[loud, extended breath]

Is it hot out there?

It's great today.

Yeah, I was just out there.

I don't know why I even

asked you if it was hot,

because I was just

out there.

- It's great.

- Yeah.

it's okay.

We're just whispering.

Well, it's just all part of

the S.O.F. thing.

I don't wanna give it up

and ruin it for you.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

Dude.

Take care, Tony.

Nice to meet you, Max.

Pleasure.

Honey?

I don't see her.

We started doing, uh,

like Pennsylvania art.

Pennsylvania Dutch

type of art, uh...

I like to call it

"America Primitive. "

It's a lot of wood. It's a lot

more wood than I wanted.

This, believe it or not,

is where everything

I have is kept

I've got shirts, I've got my

pants, I've got my ties.

But this, this, this

dresser...

To you, it's a little dresser.

To me,

it's, it's my

gargantuan world.

This is, this is my

existence right here.

No, it's my dream...

to someday, maybe have an

armoire, like, right here.

Harold, you don't need

an armoire.

I don't need an armoire?

Forget it, forget it!

Hartman called. He said it's

a no-can-do on the Camry.

And I already, I drove it

out of the lot already.

I'm so sorry! [stammering]

I jumped way too quick.

I... 'cause I already drove

it off the lot. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I always leap

before I crawl

and I'm sorry. And I should

have called him.

I should have asked you.

And, and I knew it.

I'm, I was wrong.

How's little Jackie?

Oh, he's great.

- Aww...

- Thank you for asking.

He's a great boy.

Yeah. He loves nature,

doesn't he?

I suppose. As much as

any kid loves nature.

So... I'm gonna get going.

Can you give me

a ride home?

Oh, the flatbed's gonna

be here any second

to load the Camry.

Already?

No, I'm sorry.

Yeah, can you use Rosie's

car and uh, take me home?

That's a no-go.

No.

How about you, Rosie?

Can you give me

a ride home?

Max... No-can-do.

I can call you a cab.

[sighs]

Shouldn't you guys uh,

be practicing baseball?

No, we like soccer.

All right.

I gotta tell ya...

[laughing] What?

What's with the cab?

Uh...

[sighs]

They uh, wouldn't

give me a ride home.

My imagination couldn't

come up with the stuff

that I"m seeing.

This behavior.

You know, when

I wondered,

"what is her

personal life like?"

I had no idea.

I don't know what

I'm thinking.

[sighs]

- Come on!

- Oh.

Dammit!

Follow through, Jackie!

Sweet stuff.

How's he doing?

[metal bat hitting ball]

Oh! There you go.

Relax, relax.

Faster!

All right, get out.

Out.

Come on out.

You're done.

Jack.

That was great, man.

It's not a science.

Hey! Got a sec?

Excuse me.

Who told you that?!

It is a science. That kid

liked to you, all right?

What do you think

these numbers are?

Now listen.

Next time you go up,

I want you to glue that bat

to your shoulder.

I don't want you swinging.

That's how you get a walk.

[chuckles]

Okay?

You know what else?

Try to get hit. Okay?

It doesn't hurt that much.

Have you ever got

a shot at the doctor's?

It hurts like that. Takes

a second. Goes away.

And then you get on base.

Good!

Manny!

Do we play games

with our shoes untied?

Do we play games

with our shirt untucked?

No.

Do we play games

with our belt undone?

No we don't. We don't live

in a barn, Manny.

We're going to tuck in

our shirt because...

we're not animals, right?

What does mommy

always tell you?

"Go big or go home. "

No. "Don't f*** up. " Okay?

And you know what?

I want you to have fun.

That's most important,

okay?

And keep your elbows up.

Got it?

Go have fun, killer.

Elbows up!

I'm excited about

coming over.

Oh...

[laughs]

Oh, I'm really good with it.

You're gonna enjoy it.

Okay, cool.

Bring all your tools.

Bring all my tools?

Yeah, bring your tools.

Bring all the stuff

you need.

For what?

For whatever happens!

I'm just gonna talk to you.

Just bring a bunch of stuff.

When you say "a bunch of

stuff," it's just so random.

It's random,

but just bring anything.

- Hey coach!

- [laughs]

- Hey!

- Have a good game.

Motivated. Motivation!

- That's what it's about.

- That's right.

Bring whatever

you wanna bring.

Uh...

No snacks.

- No.

- Just stuff.

Okay.

All right? I'll see you

later on, all right?

Have a good game, coach.

You damn right!

[cheering]

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