Dear God

I've got a foggy, smoggy morning.

no riots, no mudslides.

On the other hand, it's still early.

Steve Tatum here.

Christmas Parade tonight.

just before Thanksgiving

Of course...

Found your hat.

- Is Daddy flying that airplane?|- No, sweetie. Sorry.

Come along.|Up the stairs, up you go.

I miss my friends in New Jersey.

I know, but you'll make new friends.

Fasten your seat belt.

It's a whole new world out here.

We have a new place at the beach,|a new school for you.

Are you gonna make|new friends, too, Mom?

Of course. There are plenty|of nice, normal people here.

Morning, Tom. Hear the results|of New York's Aqueduct today?

Otis, my man, I already lost.

Can you get this off my car?|It scratches easy.

Who you gonna bet on at Del Mar?

Nobody, I'm broke. I'm going to work.

departs on track four.

All aboard.

Relax, Julie.

I've lost my purse!

Your purse is on your shoulder.|I swear...

No-Ioading zone, pal. Keep it moving.

I'll check on Carmel for you.

Ladies. I hopped into the cab after|you and found this on the floor.

The driver said he'd mail it to you.

For heaven's sakes!|We do not know the cab driver.

We certainly do not.|We are from Memphis.

We do not socialise|with foreign drivers.

That's the thing. He seemed very|suspicious. He said it was yours.

You ran all this way|to return that little bitty bracelet?

Ma'am, even an amateur gemologist|like myself

knows the black sapphire|is extremely valuable.

- But that's not our...|- What she means is,

it's a gift for a friend,|Sally-Lou, back home.

- Thank you.|- Glad I could help.

He's so sweet.

Well, I guess I should give you|a reward.

- God bless you.|- God bless you. OK.

You're not old enough

for your own PIN number.

But Laura says|I can get one in your name.

Bravo, bravo.

There was a fire at San Diego Youth|Centre. I had to pull two kids out.

They're fine, but now|I can't push the damn buttons.

- Help him, Papa.|- Would you?

- You'd trust me with your number?|- A fellow Greek?

What's the number?

Seven-eleven-four.

Don't flirt. She's a virgin.

Congratulations.

Damn it!

Now how do I catch a cab|to the burns centre?

- How far is the hospital?|- Beverly Hills. Is that far?

- We can give him a ride.|- No, we don't have time.

You gotta have the cab fare.|I insist. Yeah.

"Efharisto." It's, like, 30 miles.

Sure.

- He's kinda cute.|- Never mind.

- A trip, Madame Zema?|- Would you like to know where?

I need a little more money...

Smile, Mrs Alcot,|your favourite customer's here.

OK, 20, 40, 50,

51, 52,

pog-slammer,

57, 58, bus ticket to Fresno...

I don't want no bus ticket|to Fresno, man.

...59, 60, 65. That's it, for now.|I'm a little short.

You gotta grow, Tommy.|As of today, you're short a grand.

I could sell my car.

It ain't worth that gumball machine.

It's over. Junior's cranky,|dudes are moving in on his turf.

Tommy, you gotta quit|playing the ponies.

Gloria. Come here.

- What?|- Those guys are bottom feeders.

They got small-time|written on their pants.

The guy in black, Webster?|He's a loan shark.

- What's the other called?|- Tom.

You do what you gotta do. Tonight,|you meet us in the back of Zema's.

You don't have 1,000 bucks,|get out of town.

Webster, where am I going to go?

You got a bus ticket to Fresno.

Help me out here.|I'm a little stressed.

We've been tight a lot of years,|but I can't keep covering for you.

Forget it, Webster.|I got the skills to pay the bills.

That's my man talking, yeah.|At Madame Zema's.

Tonight.

Tony Danza!

I'm doing last-minute fundraising.|I'm almost there.

Junior's coming. I can hear him.|He wants to see you now.

- "We're waiting for you at Zema's."|- I'm not well yet.

Better to show up light|than not at all. Get the lead out.

Don't be a kid-hater.|Santa's kids. Thank you.

- Who are Santa's kids?|- Santa's kids are everywhere!

Mr Baywatch!

And the mistress of the dark, Elvira.

There's an experimental treatment|that Medicare will cover,

but I have no way of knowing...

Sister. Give me your address.|I swear, I'll send you a cheque.

- No.|- Please.

No. When little Junior's|back on his feet,

I hope you'll do a loving act|of kindness for someone in need.

A loving act of kindness?

Sister Charlotte, what are you doing?

Happy Days' Erin Moran

and Princess Elinor Donahue...

A round trip to New York.|They were for our honeymoon.

She got this nasal disease.|I don't even know what you call it.

They're worth, like, $1,200 each.

But we don't have 1,200!

I'd take less. Like, two?

20, 30...

- Not now, I'm doing a transaction.|- How would you like to spread 'em?

LAPD. Merry Christmas, pal.

Of all the crappy deals...

Joanie!

Shouldn't you be arresting|a drug dealer or a movie star?

waiting for. Let's hear it, folks!

Case number 96-M 1-31-25.

You're next!

Mr Greek burn victim? Let's go.

The scars have almost healed.|So, how's your daughter?

She's... Never mind! Do you swear|to tell the truth, the whole truth

and nothing but the truth? If you get|let off, I'll splatter your nose.

So help me God?

Yeah, sure.

Would you like use|of the public defender?

I can handle this without a lawyer.|I have a lot of courtroom experience.

- As a matter of fact...|- Not with me. So settle down.

Don't make me get the hot brick.|Proceed.

Your Honour, the DA's office|wishes to file one charge of fraud,

but we believe this fraud|may be just one of many.

It's hardly worth tying up|this overburdened court system,

a system which though flawed, yes,|it has flaws, is the best damn system

in the United States of America|and maybe the world!

You can put an exclamation point|by that, Miss. Hallelujah!

So, I'd like to be released now|on my own recognisance, thank you.

Stop, turn, stay.

Now, Mr Turner,|I don't see anything here

about past or present employment|on your sheet.

I don't want to brag|about my stupid accomplishments.

"I did this, I did that." It's...

Your Honour, enough is enough.|If he won't accept a plea...

- I suggest all charges be dropped.|- Substantial jail time...!

One moment, Bob.|Did you say, "Drop the charges"?

I think that was me, yeah.

"Drop the charges."

Approach the bench. Please.

Do you get your pants|custom tailored?

You probably have to,|with a set of balls that big.

Drop the charges?|What a set they must be!

Huge and shiny, I'll wager.|I've always wanted balls like that.

Where did you get yours?|We'll talk more later.

For now, get back to that spot!

Now, you can demand a trial

or in lieu of a plea, you can accept|the recommendation of this court.

What this court recommends|is that you, the defendant,

Tom Turner, AKA, Tom the Preacher,

Tom the Con and Tom the Worm,

you, sir, have one week|to find a job.

A real job. Nine to five,|five days a week, for a year.

Nine to five?|That seems a bit excessive.

If this record showed|you were selling drugs as well...

- His punishment is to get a job?|- In my opinion, we should cane him!

Do you have any idea how hard honest,|working people break their backs

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes