Die Wand

---

Today, on the 5th of November

I begin my report.

I will write everything down as accurate

as I can.

But I don't even know if today

is really the 5th November.

During the past winter

I lost a few days.

I can't even tell you the weekday.

but I think

this is not very important.

I rely on sparse notes.

Sparse, because I never thought

to write this report,

and I'm afraid that much is different

in my memory than I had experienced it.

Perhaps all reports are vague in this way.

I do not write

for the joy of writing.

It just so happens

I need to write,

if I do not

want to lose my mind.

There is no one here

who can think of and care for me.

I'm all alone,

and I must try

to get through the long dark winter months.

I have taken this task upon me,

because it should prevent me

from staring into the twilight and

being afraid.

Because I fear. From all sides

fear creeps up to me,

and I don't want to wait until it reaches

and overpowers me.

I will write until it gets dark.

And this new unfamiliar work

should make my head tired,

empty and sleepy.

I don't fear the morning.

Only the long dusky afternoons.

I write on the back of old calendars

and on aged business papers.

The paper comes from Hugo Rttlinger,

a great collector and hypochondriac.

Actually with Hugo this report should begin,

because without his acquisitiveness and hypochondria,

I wouldn't sit here today.

I probably would not be alive at all.

Not until three clock we reached the hunting lodge.

After a snack,

Hugo started to doze off,

Louise suggested he go with her

to the village one more time.

Come on!

We won't stay long.

We'll go hunting very early in the morning.

The key is in the ignition

if you want to meet us.

Come on!

- Yes.

Where is Luchs?

Luchs?

The dog stays here!

That stupid dog never obeys.

Luchs? Luchs, come on!

Heel!

Come Luchs!

- Heel!

- Don't be so strict.

Luchs, if you don't want to go,

then you stay up here. Go back!

Go! Go!

At nine o'clock I decided to go to bed.

I locked the door and took the key

with me to my room.

Well, Luchs? What's going on?

The two had remained in the village.

I was surprised about this.

Hugo loathed the short inn beds.

And he had never been so callous,

leaving me alone overnight.

Then I decided to go

with Luchs to the village.

I couldn't explain what had happened.

I hardly noticed

how cool and damp the canyon was,

because I was pondering what had

become of the Rttlingers.

Maybe Hugo had

suffered a heart attack.

Like most hypochondriacs, we didn't

take him seriously.

I quickened my steps

and sent Luchs ahead.

I had not thought to wear my

hiking boots

so I stumbled awkwardly

over sharp stones behind him.

Luchs! Luchs?

Luchs? Luchs, what is it?

What do you have?

Did you hurt yourself?

Have you bitten on your tongue?

Luchs come!

Come on!

Luchs, what is it?

Come on!

Then I heard loud knocking,

and as I looked around I realized

it was my own heartbeat

pounding in my ears.

My heart had taken fright

before I knew it.

Hesitantly, I try it again.

And again rested my hand on a glass window.

Suddenly I realized what had unconsciously

tormented me all the while...

...the road was completely empty.

Someone must have sounded the alarm

a long time ago.

It would have been natural

for the curious village people to gather

in front of the wall.

Even if none of them had discovered the wall,

Hugo and Louise must have seen it.

It was more surprising to me

that I couldn't see any people.

I tried it three more times and was convinced

that here, three feet in front of me,

was something invisible, smooth,

and cool that

prevented me from going on.

I thought of an illusion, but

I knew it was nothing of the kind.

I had a problems to accept and understand:

a terrible, invisible thing.

The first little farmstead,

really just a Chaste,

was just around the next bend.

Finally I could see the Chaste.

She lay very still in the sunlight.

A peaceful, familiar picture.

Sorry!

Sorry, I...

Come Luchs. Come on!

We were caught in a bad situation,

me and Luchs,

and we did not, at that time,

know how bad it was.

But we weren't completely lost

because there were two of us.

It just could not be true.

Such things simply do not happen.

And if they happened,

not in a small village in the mountains,

not in Upper Austria

and not in Europe.

I know how ridiculous this idea was,

but this is exactly what I thought,

so I won't conceal it.

I woke up at six clock

when the birds began to sing.

Although I had hardly moved

Luchs knew that I was awake

and came to my bed to greet me.

Suddenly it seemed quite impossible

to survive this fine day in May.

Yet at the same time, I knew

I had to survive it

and that for me

there was no escape.

I had to be completely silent

and simply survive it.

It wasn't the first day of my life,

I had to survive like this.

The less I resisted,

the more bearable it would be.

I do not remember

what I did that morning.

Maybe the following hours were so tough

I had to forget them.

Maybe I was in anesthesia.

I do not remember.

I came back at 2 o'clock in the afternoon,

when I went with Luchs

through the gorge.

This time I was better equipped.

I had Hugo's binoculars with me.

If the man at the well was dead, and

I could no longer doubt that,

all the people in the valley had to be dead,

and not only the people.

The Animals as well.

If that was how they all died,

death came quickly and gently

in an almost loving way.

Perhaps it would have been wiser to go with

Hugo and Louise to the village.

Luchs!

What's going on? Luchs?

Come, Luchs!

Luchs!

Com...

Yes, come on.

ln the meantime had become clear to me

that this cow indeed a blessing

but also a great burden.

Such an animal wants to be fed and milked

and calls for a domestic master.

I was the owner and prisoner of a cow.

Of course, I also thought of the cow.

If I were very lucky,

she might be expected a calf.

But I couldn't rely on that.

I only could hope my cow would

give milk as long as possible.

Again and yet I thought of my situation

as temporary

or at least tried to.

I thought of a name for my cow

and called her Bella.

Actually, she didn't need any name.

She was the only cow in the forest.

Perhaps the only cow in all the land.

Until tomorrow, Bella.

Ten days had passed and

nothing had changed.

For ten days I worked in a stupor,

but the wall was still there,

and no one had come to get me.

I had no choice but to face reality.

I could kill myself or I could try

to dig under the wall,

but that probably would have been a

toilsome form of suicide.

And of course I could stay here

and try to stay alive.

I was not young enough.

To think seriously about suicide.

The thought of Luchs and Bella kept me

from thinking about that.

Thanks to Hugo's generosity I owned suppllies

for the whole summer,

a home, wood for life, and a cow.

I also intended to wind the clocks daily

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