Dirty Laundry Page #11

Mama was a saint.

Her and daddy too.

Oh, please. The both of'em,

they ran me to the bottle and you to ho'in'.

Ho?

[Laughing]

Ho?

[Laughing]

Oh, girl.

My sons are-

I ain't gonna start.

You-You-

This is supposed to be a family dinner,

and we gonna do this right.

Well, this ain't Soul Food,

and we ain't the Cosbys.

I am not gonna sit here,

let you tear everybody down at this table...

and then act like it's okay.

Well, it looks like you doin' a good job

of tearing everybody down yourself.

This is supposed to be

a pleasant dinner.

We're all here because Sheldon

is leaving tomorrow, okay?

- [Chuckles] You leaving?

- Well-

- Ain't nobody going nowhere!

- That's what I'm trying to-

- Shut up!

- What?

I didn't mean "shut up" shut up.

I mean just shut up!

Look at her, always trying to tell somebody

what to do with her fat ass.

You call me fat again...

and I'm gonna go upside your big

hat-wearing head with a biscuit.

Now, look here, Jackie, Eugene...

Abby.

You know I ain't perfect.

I'm stubborn...

ornery, opinionated sometimes.

- Mean-spirited.

- Insulting.

- Inflexible.

- All right, all right! I get it!

But in my own way,

all I have ever tried to do...

was to make this

the best family I knew how.

And that meant sometimes

I may say things or do things...

that, well, when I

think back on it now...

I guess, l- I'm not proud of.

- Mama.

- Jackie.

I know you plan on leavin'.

You done found some opportunity to go

somewhere and make something out of your life.

But what you don't know is

that I've been pushin' you.

Pushin', pushin', pushin'.

Pushin', pushin', pushin'.

[Laughs]

Look at her. Drunk as a skunk.

- I am not drunk!

- Mama?

Maybe I am.

That don't have nothing to do or change

anything that I got to say right here and right now.

Evelyn, what are you trying to say?

I'm saying I can't

stand you, Lettie!

You have been horrible to me

ever since I was a child!

But it's because Mama

was horrible to you!

I had my kids, I was horrible to them!

It's that Lion King sh*t.

The circle- circle of life.

- Mama, you need some hot coffee?

- What she need is Jesus.

- Call the reverend, Jimmy!

- Shut up, Lettie.

Oh, you smellin' yourself today.

[Hisses]

- Sheldon.

- Mama, please.

- No. Sheldon, no.

- Look-

Please, I just got

to tell you this. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for all

the years of pain I caused you.

I'm sorry for not

being there for you.

I'm sorry that I never just opened up my arms

and hold you tight.

- Mama-

- And I just wanted to be able to take this time...

and tell you that I'm

so proud of you...

and that no matter what you do,

you are my son.

Thank you.

I remember when you were little,

and I used to hold you in my arms then.

And you were so sweet

and small and wrinkly and-

You were just like

a little brown gumdrop.

Sweet then, and I

didn't even know it.

I'm- I'm just proud of you,

and... I know-

I didn't know then...

but I know now that you gay.

There. I said it.

Y-You're gay.

And, um, gay as a, um-

a tangerine at Christmas.

- Gay as a, um- What did you tell me?

- [Eugene] Three-dollar bill?

- Three-dollar bill!

- Oh, queer as a three-dollar bill.

Queer. Queer. Queer as

a three-dollar bill.

- Funny as a, um-

- Funny as a fat girl on roller skates.

That's it.

But it's okay, Sheldon. It is okay.

You can tell the whole world you gay.

Don't you hide yourself

from nobody...

unlessin' it's about money

or something...

and then I think you ought to

shut up until you get your paper, player.

But you be proud! You hear me?

Be proud of yourself.

You stand up.

You just stand up, baby.

Everybody, this is my son.

He's one of the gays.

And he wants to be called Patrick.

And I love this white boy too.

I love you because you love my son.

- Thank you.

- No. Thank you.

- What about me and Abby, Mom?

- Eugene, hush!

- This ain't about you.

- You know, Mama, look.

What I was trying

to tell you before...

is that we have already decided...

for a little while anyway,

we're gonna stay in Paris.

- You gonna come here and live with me?

- Uh, no, no, no.

[Laughing]

We, uh-

Tomorrow morning we're gonna get up

and look for a place to rent.

Oh, well.

Gabe, that's good news.

- I already knew.

We've been talkin' about it all night.

- Really?

Wait a minute. What kind

of newfangled sh*t is this?

- Shut up, Lettie.

- Oh, this is beautiful.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!

Don't you just love happy endings?

I have some news,

since I done told all you your business.

I am having sexual relations

with the taxi driver... Percy.

- [Jackie] Ooh!

- [Eugene] Aw!

I love him because-

He first loved me

- Oh, sh*t. Mama!

- Aw, damn!

Somebody get some iced water,

some sweet tea or something. Come on.

Come on now. Oh, hell.

That's a damn shame.

That's basically how every situation goes

every single time.

[Man Singing]

- Well, I'm gonna go get some more pie.

- Okay. Pie!

Well, I've done the dishes

and I finished my homework.

Huh. Good.

How is your grandma?

She's doin' okay.

Hmm. Well, that's all I wanted.

Good night.

Oh, you, uh, brush your teeth?

- Yes, sir.

- You wash up?

- Yep.

- I guess good night then.

Wait. Did you say your prayers?

Prayers. Yeah.

Um-

Everybody prays before they go to sleep.

Don't you?

[Laughs]

O-Of course.

You know, I'm- I'm

really big on prayers.

So, you know, we can-

Let's pray, buddy.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Dear God, I want to say thanks for my family,

my friends and my toys.

I want to thank you for dinner,

peach cobbler.

- Mmm.

- Bless Aunt Jackie, Uncle Eugene...

Pudge...

Aunt Lettuce and Ryan too.

I especially thank you

for bringing my dad to me...

and letting me have a real family.

Bless my dad and my mom in heaven.

- Amen.

- Amen.

Um, okay.

Gabe?

I love you.

Love you too, Dad.

He called me "Dad."

[Sheldon Narrating]

"You have to go the way your blood beats.

"If you don't live

the only life you have...

"you won't live some other life...

you won't live any life at all. "

James Baldwin.

Oh, this is beautiful.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!

Don't you just love happy endings?

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