Do You Like My Basement

Hello.

I'm Stanley, Stanley Farmer.

I am a filmmaker.

Oh, my God, baby, what's wrong?

Baby?

Just tell me what's the matter!

Oh, my God!

Yeah?

Chad,

rent was due yesterday dude!

Can you try and have it

for me today please?

Yeah, sure.

Hey, a**hole, I already told you

I don't get paid till tomorrow!

I heard that, you little prick!

You know when the goddamn

rent is due

but, every month

it's the same sh*t.

Hey.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'll get it to

you tomorrow, the latest.

I promise.

Okay.

Just make sure you have it

for me tomorrow night, latest.

Yep.

Hello?

Hi Chad,

this is Stanley... I called earlier.

Oh, yes.

Hi Stanley, thanks for

calling, I just walked in.

So I saw the footage

you sent me.

I was wondering when you

could come along for a chat?

I can come over

today if you want.

Today is perfect.

How is 4:
00?

4:
00 works for me.

Are there sides or

is it a cold read?

Actually I just want to get a

sense of you, yourself,

rather than a reading.

So I'll just be asking

you a few questions, okay?

Of course, sure.

It sounds great.

Where are you located?

Chad?

Hi?

I'm Stanley, I'm guessing

you couldn't find the address?

I just moved here so

I inverted the numbers,

I am so used to

saying the old address.

Anyway, pleased to meet you!

Oh, you too.

I didn't understand

what you said just now,

but it's okay with me.

Please, come in.

Take a seat.

So I am making

a reality-style horror film.

Okay.

The premise involves

a man placing an ad

which asks the question:

"Do you like my basement?"

Like this.

And?

People see the ad,

call up to see if they

can spend the night

in the basement,

some out of curiosity,

others, more importantly,

to try and win the

thousand dollars,

but of course terrible

things happen to them

once they're left

alone down there.

And that is where you come in.

Okay.

Excellent.

So, first I would like us

to go through a scenario

beginning with you

on the phone calling me

in response to the ad.

Do you mind I f I ask

a quick question first?

Sure, go ahead.

Is there pay for

the people who get cast?

Yes, there will

definitely be pay for those

that are cast in the film.

Okay, great.

I'm sorry,

I just wanted to be sure.

Okay,

let's imagine the phone is ringing.

Hello?

No, I say hello.

You're calling me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Please go ahead, that was...

Okay, the phone is ringing.

Hello?

Hello, I'm calling

about the basement ad?

Yes?

Well, I'm interested in

learning more about the deal.

The deal is simple.

If you can spend a

night in my basement,

I will give you a thousand

dollars in cash.

And...

what kind of basement is it?

That's for you to find out.

Well, what do I have to do?

Can I ask your

sexual orientation?

Excuse me?

I want to know if you

prefer girls or boys.

I like boys.

Is this still part

of the conversation?

It's all part of

the conversation.

Is that what you wanted?

That's fine.

Could you wait here for

me until I call you down?

Sure.

Ooh, this is creepy.

I'm glad you think so.

So I've always

loved musical theater

and that's why I'm here

in the big city.

And you think you have

a good enough singing voice?

Oh, my God, yes.

The people on

Broadway can't touch me.

Uh-uh.

Sing me a song.

Really?

Go ahead.

I may be able to

use a song somewhere.

Great.

So this is actually

a song that I wrote

when I was in

a band in Atlanta.

A glam rock band.

I was born on a mountaintop

Never saw the sun

Never saw the sun

Loved the earth

and kissed the stars

And danced in the rain

And I saw

you standing there

Alone in the world

and I thought boy...

Okay, okay, good.

That's enough.

Please sit down.

That was good.

Thanks, Chad.

Now, can you tell me something

personal about yourself?

Something

personal about myself?

Wh...

I'll give you an example.

When I was six years old,

I received a large, red,

plastic, Formula One

racing car for Christmas.

It cost my parents an

arm and a leg back then

and they thought I would

cherish it.

I had, in fact, asked

for a toy robot,

one that showed pictures

of the moon on the front,

but they ignored my request

and bought me this car,

which I had to sit

inside of and pedal to make go.

It was the most disappointing

moment in my life.

I understand.

When I was a kid, my favorite

thing to do at Christmas

was to help my mom bake cookies

for Santa so he and the

reindeer could have

a snack after

delivering our presents.

One Christmas,

my mom burnt her mouth

on a cookie hot out

of the oven.

I laughed 'cause

I thought she was joking,

and she slapped me

hard in the face.

It was the first

time she had ever hit me.

My father broke up with her

shortly after that Christmas.

We never made cookies again.

Chad, tell me, how could you

make that story better,

when reciting it?

Slap my mom back?

Now tell me, what you are

willing to do to get this part?

I'll do anything.

I can be at rehearsals.

I have a day job, but my

dedication is next to none.

I'll be punctual.

That's all fine, Chad.

But what are you willing to do

beyond the normal

requirements to get the role?

I'm not sure

I get what you mean.

It's simple.

Are you willing to go

beyond the normal requirements

to get this role?

Is there something

specific you want me to do?

Chad, how would you feel

if the inside of this basement

were to be the last thing you

saw while you were alive?

Well...

That would be horrible.

Just horrible.

Okay.

Let's leave it there.

Well, goodbye then.

Goodbye, and thank you very

much for the opportunity.

I know I froze down

there, but I just got thrown

by the atmosphere.

I've never been to a casting

session like this before.

Well, Chad, there's never been

a film quite like this before.

Have a good night.

Uh, Stanley!

Stanley?

Hi.

I was actually wondering,

would it be possible

for you to tell me

now if I got the part?

I feel like I didn't get it.

Well...

You didn't have the reaction to

the questions I was looking

for, so, I'm afraid not.

I can do so much better.

And I just got...

I froze.

You know, I dropped

the ball and I'm sorry,

but if you let me come

for a callback,

I promise I won't let you down.

Okay... When I do callbacks,

I'll let you try again.

I'll have looked at

the other guys by then, anyway.

Goodbye now.

Thank you so much, thank you.

Have a great night

and, uh, it was a pleasure!

Hello, this is Sylvia,

leave a message.

Sylvia

this is Dr. Schumann.

This is now the third

time you haven't shown up

for your appointment

without canceling.

I'm afraid I can't keep you

on any longer as a patient.

Tell your mother I said hello.

Silvia.

Stanley?

Yes, please come in.

So you're shooting the audition

beginning with my arrival?

Yeah, so we need to go through

to the living room please,

just around the corner.

Take a seat.

Thanks.

Can I just say that I'm

a little uncomfortable.

One with the camera,

which I'm sure I'll get used to,

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