Don's Party Page #2

If you're gonna look like a butler,

behave like one!

- Of course, m'lady!

- What's all this?!

F***in' penguin!

Bit of a joke!

- How're things?

- Better after tonight...

- D' you think we're gonna win?

- Win?!

You think so?

Listen, I had a few beers with Whitlam's

press secretary last Thursday...

He reckons they took a private poll

which gave Labor 52 percent.

Yeah, some of the big boys

are shittin' themselves.

- Hello Kath.

- Hello Mal.

- Have a look at that! No crap!

- Beautiful!

- Hello Jenny.

- Hello Kath.

Oh, sorry...

Mal and Jenny... this is Simon and Jody.

Yes, there'll be a new government by midnight...

make no mistake about that.

You got a beer?

- Vermouth and dry.

- Sorry, there's no dry.

I'll get you a gin.

I love your dress!

Jody, isn't it?

- That's right!

- Terrible with names.

I wish I'd worn something more casual.

No, it's fine.

Type of thing I'd like to wear...

if we could afford it!

...for the Liberal Party

by the Minister for the Navy, Dr Mackay.

They're early figures, but they do tend

to look good for the Labor party.

I take it, Mal, that you'll be happy

for a Labor victory tonight.

I take it we all will.

Oh, no... I'm pretty neutral.

I'd take it Casey was the litmus seat...

and I haven't seen anything for Petty yet.

What about YOU Jody.

- Are you neutral too?

- Oh, no... I vote Liberal!

- Oh that's very courageous!

- What? Voting Liberal?

No... admitting it...

Very courageous!

Bet you won't speak to me

again now!

On the contrary...

Makes you VERY interesting.

Ahoy, everyone!

Out to the kitchen!

I'm about to unwrap

me 'Pornographic Object'!

You better all laugh...

He spent all afternoon on it.

Did you pose for that, Jen?

He copied it from 'Playboy'!

Thank you very much, I was going to tell them

that I copied it from 'Playboy'. Right?!

- Hi Kath... g'day Jenny!

- Hello, Mack!

G'day, shithead!

Where's the dreaded Ruth?

I've left her.

I'm sorry mate... I didn't know.

Who's this gorgeous woman?

Jody... and Simon...

That's Mack.

- Sorry about the wife.

- Sh*t, I'm not!

Look!

Took it myself.

- Who IS this?!

- My wife!

You wouldn't pick HER for a librarian,

would you?

- You've really left her?

- When?

Three days ago.

Where are you living?

Oh... I'm still at home.

It was easier for HER to shift out,

than me.

Where's Cooley?

The DLP last year were talking

about switching preferences.

And Senator Gair

was behind that move.

But they switched back this year.

- I know what Gair's been saying in private...

- What?

Universities should stop

teaching courses in politics...

...because they're breeding grounds

for revolutionaries.

- You're joking!

- I'm not.

You must admit,

it's getting a bit much...

WHAT is?

When I went to the university,

I went there to learn...

Not to take over the place!

I don't want to sound offensive,

but you sound like a Young Liberal!

Jody is a self-confessed right-winger.

Really?...

How interesting!

I never met anyone who voted Liberal,

in my life!

Can't think how they keep winning.

They'll win this one, too!

Thanks, Don!

She needs a good, long, hard...

...talking to!

What do you do, Simon?

Oh, well, I work...

Simon's an accountant.

Well, actually,

I'm an INDUSTRIAL accountant.

Interesting?

Oh, yeah... it's not bad...

It DOES get a little humdrum at times.

Well, I suppose most jobs do,

don't they?

If there was a tiger between the sheets,

for instance...

What does your firm make, Simon?

Plastic pressings.

Well, have you ever noticed

a truck going round a corner...

You know how they make

their road signals

using a yellow plastic hand

on the end of a long lever...

Well, we make those yellow plastic hands.

What does YOUR husband do, Jenny?

He's a professional bullshit artist.

Well, that must be very int...

Mal's a management consultant...

He's doing very well at the moment.

No...

...but suck ONE cock!

Have you got a headache?

- Migraine.

- You want an aspirin?

No... doesn't help.

- But thanks for not ringing!

- Would you excuse me for a moment.

You think YOU've got troubles...

That's a bit unfortunate, isn't it?

Does Jenny often

get headaches like that?

Only at OUR parties!

Simon, old crump...

Do you mind if we tell your wife

a dirty story?

No... why not?...

She's used to it.

- He says you're used to it!

- What a bloody liar!

Now Jody...

Have you ever hunted ducks?

- No.

- Now I don't want to hear anything filthy!

Well, you wade through the shallows

with your rifle at the ready...

Duck-hunters use shotguns,

sh*t head!

I like to give the ducks a chance!

Here I am, the duck-hunter...

...wading through the shallows...

Wading... wading... wading... wading...!

Itching for a duck!

Wading... wading...

All of a sudden!...

Ooh!... Nature calls!

Are you sure

you want to hear this?

Oh, it leaves a nasty taste

in the mouth!

- Jody!

- What?

Would you mind giving the baby-sitter

a bit of a ring...

...just to make sure the children

went down alright.

Simon, ring her yourself!

Hey, that might be the old Cooley!

Hey everybody,

this is Evan and Kerry...

Mack, Mal, Jody, Simon...

Kerry!

How's the election going, Don?

It's a bit early to tell, yet, mate...

but it looks like a bit of a swing.

- Would you like a drink, Kerry?

- Thanks... scotch on the rocks.

Scotch on the rocks!

This is the first time you've been here

since we moved in... years!

- It's nowhere near as interesting...

- Scotch on the rocks... Kerry.

But we are starting to get it

into shape at last.

Oh, it's very tasteful.

Oh, this is all you, Kath.

- Can't see much of Don in it!

- He does the trees!

Women!

Yeah... houses and babies.

I knew a couple once who spent every second

of their spare time, renovating

Crazy!

Well I like renovating.

Oh, well... it's fair enough

if you like it, I suppose.

No, I like it.

You've done wonders

with that terrace, Evan... it's amazing.

Absolute wreck, when he started.

Did you finish that studio

for Kerry?

Yes... last week.

What do you do

when you're not renovating, Evan?

I'm a dentist.

Renovations of the mouth, eh?!

And what do YOU do?

- Plastic pressings.

- Mal...

Psychologist.

Private practice?

No... not really.

Management consultant!

Does Kerry renovate?

She paints.

Dabbles a bit in the oils?!

- Dabbles? She's had 3 major exhibitions!

- 4!

4... that's right...

There was one last month...

Couldn't get to that one.

Sorry about that.

Very good reviews, though, didn't it?!

Not really.

I thought somebody told me

it was very successful.

Well, she sold a lot of stuff...

but then...

Well, she's very fashionable...

at the moment.

Do you know a lot about art... Evan?

A little... why?!

You'd find it hard to communicate with your wife

if you didn't, I would imagine.

Evan's doing Fine Arts at the Uni...

part time.

I gave it up.

Yes, I heard it was a tough course.

Well it crapped ME!

The plumbing in old houses is terrible!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes