Don's Party Page #6

with a man I've just met.

It's very flattering of you, my dear,

but I don't believe you.

Usually it's an organic part

of the whole relationship.

Well... ORGAN first!

Relationship later!

A very interesting philosophical point!

You made some sort of arrangement

with my husband?

No.

Doesn't actually grow on you,

does he?

I'm sorry... I guess I was a little bit naive.

I sometimes get strongly attracted

to someone.

Do YOU?

No... sometimes.

Have you ever felt yourself

strongly attracted to women?

No!

It's nothing to be ashamed of,

if you have.

Oh, but I haven't!

Kerry's very beautiful, isn't she?

Yes, she's very attractive.

She's really beautiful!

Now we're bonding a piece of metal

across the area where the arm

actually fits the hand...

Jesus!

Excuse me, Kath...

have you seen Kerry?

Isn't she outside?

Sh*t! Where's Cooley?

You know what their marriage is like!

- Well don't blame me!

- You must admit it's exciting!

I hope you're satisfied!

Go on... make a fool of yourself,

as usual... go on!

Get him off, will ya?!

Get outside... get out!

Just get out... go on!

Get outside!

You don't beat people up, just because

they take a liking to your wife!

Outside!

"Get outside"... what are you...

a f***in' parrot?!

Look I don't care

what the circumstances are...

You don't go interrupting a man and a woman

at their most intimate moment!

Look... I'll tell you something...

I wouldn't like to be in your shoes

if you hit me...

I'll sue you for assault!

I'm a lawyer.

I'm gonna smash your bloody teeth in!

He's a dentist!

Stop this at once!

Stop acting like a sad adolescent!

And YOU stop acting

like a bloody nymphomaniac!

Look... if you're not prepared to allow me

some degree of emotional autonomy...

...then THAT is it!

"Emotional autonomy"?!

When you start screwing oafs like that...

it's emotional insanity!

Oafs? Hey, fella, get ya facts straight

before you start calling people names!

Let's face it...

We you start screwing boorish

loud-mouthed oafs...

What's so special about HER, anyway?

I scored the National Charity Queen...

two years in a row!

Get your things!

Get your things!

If you think this is giving you some sort

of moral leverage over me, you're wrong!

Look, are you coming, or aren't you?!

I am not your personal chattel!

And I am taking steps to make sure

that I am not YOURS!

...this election is different from the 1929 election...

Are you threatening me!?

Well, you just work that out

for yourself!

Are you coming?

No.

Look I will ask you once more...

You can ask me

as many time as you like.

That's your final answer?

Yes.

Well, right!

Don't show your face in here again,

you sh*t!

Talk about "coitus interruptus"!

I'm gonna shoot meself...

when those bastards get back in.

I'm gonna shoot meself.

I thought we were winning!?

They're stuffed!...

16 of the 18 doubtfuls are going to the Liberals.

Where did you hear that?

5 minutes ago.

F***in' bastards are getting back

on the DLP preferences.

We're stuffed!

My old man used to vote DLP.

Yeah... I had an argument

with him once...

Didn't like the "permissive society".

Wanted to return

to "Catholic moral purity".

He was the last of

the great Catholic shaggers!

He died "on the job", you know?

By the time they got him dressed,

they couldn't put his teeth back in.

Have you...

Have you got any

of those photos?

- What photos?

- Of me and your wife.

Oh... I carry a couple of dozen

around in my wallet!

Did they turn out alright?

Jesus, Cooley!...

Ruth and I have just separated...

Doesn't that...

Well look it's a bit disconcerting

for a man to realise...

...that there are pornographic photographs

of him, floating around.

Well, they're selling very well!

I'll get it.

Are you really selling those photos?

- Yep.

- What are they worth?

$8... set of 6.

Save us a couple, will you.

Matte or gloss?

Matte!

- Why did they do it, Cools?

- What?

Ask you to seduce my friends.

I think I was curious.

She didn't respond to me...

So I wanted to see if she did

with other men.

SHE didn't respond much to ME, mate.

Don't crap!

I was in the bloody cupboard.

Anyone for a swim?

Don... don't be ridiculous...

We can't use the Mitchell's pool!

If they're rich enough to take the whole family

for a trip to Japan...

...then they can bloody well

lend us their pool!

Liberal-voting turds!

YOU just need more experience.

Why don't you have a go at Jody?

Do you think she's interested?

Ya didn't see how she looked at ya?

- When?

- All night!

Mate... she's very impressed!

What about her husband?

That poofter?

I'll take care of HIM.

SHE wouldn't be interested in HIM!

He couldn't do any worse than YOU!

Crap!

Come on! You've been swingin' your dick

at everything available...

...and missin' by yards!

- As usual!

What's YOUR story?

What?

All YOU seem to be good for these days,

is planting native trees.

Do you know how I get 'em to grow so fast?

No.

Nitrogen balls.

It's true...

Nitrogen balls.

I've got a mahogany gum out there

grew 5 feet this spring.

Want to see it?

No!

My God!...

Time showed you two up, didn't it?

How long is it since I met you, now?

12... 13... 14 years?!

Some little prick was throwing a party.

Yeah... it was me!

And there they were...

Sutherland, the brilliant academic...

And Henderson...

his adoring young pupil!

Holding the floor...

...giving their celebrated imitation of 2 men

destined to leave their mark on the world.

Sorry if we disappointed you.

I remember how grateful I was

when you adopted me!

Poor little sh*t-kicker Cooley...

...refugee from a Catholic choir!

Buyer of the contraceptives...

For 5 years I let myself be patronised

by a pair of self-inflated bullshit-artists!

The 2 great minds...

Sutherland, plotting the right strategic moment

to enter politics...

...so he can make his way

to the prime ministership

with minimum delay.

Crap!

And Henderson here... Henderson...

giving lengthy debates...

...on whether it'd be better to have

his magnificent, but never-completed novel

published here, or in London!

You should 've gone into politics,

Mal, you know...

You should 've finished that novel, too.

Here we go again...

"Mutual Arse-Lickers Incorporated"!

Well, what've YOU done,

that's so bloody magnificent?

Bloody lawyer!

People who need 'em most

can't damn well afford 'em...

Deny that!

I don't HAVE to deny it.

I'm not posing as a champion

of the oppressed.

...with 2 thirds of the votes counted tonight,

it looks like a clean sweep...

...with the allocation of preferences, would suggest

that Mr Coates in fact would have...

How's the election going?

Fine, if you're a fascist.

Oh, well, sometimes I don't think

it matters who wins.

Well the country's run by the Public Service,

anyway, isn't it?

Don't be such a bloody cretin!

'Course it matters!

We've got the worst health, education

and social services of any industrialised nation!

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