Don's Party Page #8

so she'll be staying just a bit longer.

Oh... fine...

Sorry, Simon.

Don...

You going now, Simon?

I must say that I didn't realise

that university-educated people

could be so bloody uncouth!

The Prime Minister, Mr John Gorton...

...has claimed to have been returned to office

with a narrow majority...

...in today's federal election.

Thanks for the hospitality, Don!

- You going?

- Yeah.

- I'll drive you, eh?

- I called a cab, thanks.

Are you going home?

What are you going to do

about Evan?

I don't know...

Quite a problem, really.

I think it's one of those unfortunate situations...

...where one partner develops

and the other one doesn't.

Now be a good girl, and take this,

and catch a cab back to the hotel...

...and I'll see you a little later.

I want to stay!

You want to stay?

Why do you want to stay?

Why do YOU?

'Bye!

Hey... wait a minute!

Taxi's waiting... got to run!

You told me this was gonna be

a MORAL party!

Something didn't quite gel.

And everybody talks permissive.

When it comes to the crunch...

You put your hand on a woman's bum...

You can get crippled.

Shut your neck!

Well, look at YOU...

Itchin' to get into it!

Too gutless to try!

They'll hold hands...

'n look into each other's eyes.

The whole of Western society

stinks of hypocrisy!

You are so right!

You won't stop them now...

We're into the mutual admiration stage.

Yeah... 15 glasses!

- Suzy baby!...

- No!

What do you think I am? I'm not a thing

you can jump on, any time you feel the urge!

Come on baby... what is this...

I bring you down here for a holiday...

Well, tough luck!

You should 've gone for Kerry...

Coz as far as I'm concerned,

you've wasted your money!

Listen here, Susan...

You just better...

Piss off!

Why don't you lick each other's arses?!

Now, that is not very nice!

What is the most boring way

that any society could regulate sex?

Marriage.

Marriage.

You know what's wrong

with OUR marriage?!

- What?

- The size of your thing!

What's wrong with it?

Nothing... He's just got

an obsession about it.

Still?!

If it is just an obsession...

Then how come YOU can't have an orgasm?!

How can I have an orgasm...

...when I'm worrying about YOU worrying

about the size of your member?!

- Size isn't important!

- It's NOT small!

I just THINK it is!

The real problem, with OUR marriage,

is money.

Money?!

You earn TWICE what I do!

Why are you pointing at ME?

Extravagance!

Extravagance!

My son has a cashmere coat worth $60...

He's worn it twice!

Twice!

It's none of my business...

But I WAS surprised when Don told me

you'd spent over $400

on the kids' Christmas presents

last year.

And who told Don?!

I did.

I did!

She uses those kids as a status symbol...

Rip into the b*tch!

And we weren't impressed to hear you'd thrown

a fully-catered-for dinner party...

...a week after we'd lent you the money.

30 dozen oysters

and French champagne.

Well, at least when I throw a party,

I don't feed my guests on chips and Twisties!

Couldn't stand te sight of them

a minute longer!

At least we live within our means.

I don't mind lending money to people,

if they really need it!

For God's sake, Mal...

Write them a cheque!

Right...

Don't be so ridiculous...

I won't take it!

Don't be so ridiculous!

There's absolutely no need!

Two dollars!

That's all there is in there.

Jenny just bought a swimming pool

for the kids.

Why all this stupid jealousy

and possessiveness...

I mean it should be

the most natural thing in the world...

...for me to say to you...

"Don, why don't you have Jenny for the night?"

I don't think we could fit 3 in the bed.

What happened to YOU?

He fell asleep.

It should be the most natural thing

in the world!

Of course it should.

Oh, it SHOULD, should it?!

Yes, it should!

It's funny how you never have the guts

to champion wife-swapping...

...until you've had a gutful of beer!

That's right!...

Sorry, Don...

I'm afraid that's one

of your natural failings...

...a lack of moral courage!

Is that so?

Now don't take this

as an insult, fella...

But you are a weak turd!

Now, 10 years ago...

you'd written me off.

No... now come on...

You'd written me off...

Thrown out of academia...

...just because it wouldn't take

a stupid PhD...

Now, let's not be modest...

Let's not be modest!

Let's NOT be modest!

But I dug in my toes!

And I fought back!

Because there's iron in my soul!

Now, just a minute!...

The day you were booted out of the uni...

I said "Mark my words"...

"That man is down,

but he's not out."

If anybody's going to make a million,

HE will!

I remember that...

and I was flattered.

It wasn't meant as flattery.

It was in recognition of your talents

for obsequiousness and bullshit!

I know how it was meant...

and I still took it as a compliment.

Those were great days, weren't they?

They were bloody great days.

Bloody great days.

Mal...

I'd like you to have Kath

for the night.

Don...

I would like you to have Jenny

for the night.

Kath...

I didn't MEAN it, you stupid prick!

They were great days, weren't they?

Great days!

Oh, yes... they were great days!

Great bloody days!

That's why I had to put YOU

on an invalid's diet!

But you couldn't cope with your job,

or anything else for that matter.

You had ulcers at 24!

Had to wash all your clothes...

Cook all your meals...

Because your little mummy

hadn't told you...

The world is a f***ing big place!

And nobody gives a stuff

about little Donny Henderson!

Boy wonder! Adolescent genius...

and you're a full-grown bomb-out!

Family man, schoolteacher, gardener,

tree-surgeon, handyman, good provider...

I had to creep around our flat

for years...

I had to creep around, while Donny Genius here

tapped out his earth-shattering novel!

Which was to place him,

and I quote...

"among the all-time f***ing greats"!

I've never said that!

- That's a lie... I've never said that!

- I had to wait 7 years...

7 years before I was ALLOWED

to have a child!

Jesus Christ!

I wasn't ALLOWED to do pottery until last year,

because you considered it so mundane!

You make me sick, Henderson!

You really sh*t me!

I'm going to bed.

Kath... I'd like to apologise...

You sh*t me even more!

Why?

What have I done?

You don't have to DO anything, Sutherland...

You're just a born sh*t!

You leave him alone!

YOU sh*t me, too!

The feeling is mutual!

And make sure we get the rest of the money

by the end of the week.

Your idiot of a husband

earns twice as much as mine does!

That just shows you what an idiot

your husband is!

I'm going to bed.

So you keep saying!

Listen...

We mustn't let this little argument

upset OUR relationship.

If YOU think that marriage

is so bloody boring...

...you can get out,

and you can take your kid with you!

It's not MY kid!

I think she might 've been talking to ME!

Jesus!

Where are they?!

Who?

Cooley...

We didn't do anything, Simon...

Simon! We didn't do anything!

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