Don't Be a Menace to South Central Page #3

nobody's number.

- Fool, watch me.

- Hey, sweetheart.

Break yourself! Gimme your

goddamn number. Come on! Hurry up!

Cool, cool, cool. So, um, I'm gonna

give you a call about 5:00, all right?

- I said all right?

- Y-Y-Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

All right, sweetheart.

Take care of yourself, all right?

I told you

I'd get her number.

Hey, beautiful.

- Please!

- Hey, mister.

- What's up, little man?

- Aw, you're just tryin'

to get some from my mama.

Oh, ho! Snap. No, little man.

Actually, what I'm tryin'--

Gimme a dollar,

and I'll leave you alone.

Cute little kid.

Oh, by the way, my name is Ashtray.

My name is Dashiki.

That's swahili for "doggie-style."

- Ooh, that's pretty.

- Those are my kids.

Hello, everybody.

Now, children. What do you say

when you meet a nice man?

Are you my daddy?

Ooh. All I know is I'd

really like to take you out.

Oh. You and your seven kids.

That sounds nice, but I'm leavin'

the hood in a couple of days.

Really? Man, I can't wait for the day

I can move out of the hood.

Well, look, I know I just met you,

but you're welcome to come along.

I mean, I need somebody

to help me change all them diapers.

ls that it? Diapers?

I used to change my father's

diapers all the time. Ain't no thing.

Listen.

You think about it, okay?

And if you're serious,

let me know.

Mmm.

Hey, man, ain't that Dashiki

over there kissin' that fool, man?

Man? Right there!

- Yeah.

- Oh, damn!

I'se gon' shank that fool

right now!

Pick, you trippin', man. Damn.

N*gger, that's old news!

Think about it, n*gger.

You been in jail

five years now.

Man, it's only been 1,825 days,

six hours and 13 minutes!

She could've waited!

Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm just sayin'

why go back to jail. You know?

I ain't worried about jail!

What the f***-- You sound like a b*tch.

- B*tch!

- Man, I ain't worried about jail!

Sh*t, l-- I don't give a damn

about goin' to jail.

- You can take me to jail!

- Take me to jail!

- Sh*t, lock me up!

- Lock me up!

- Throw away the key!

- Throw away the key!

I ain't afraid to f***

somebody in his ass!

- Whoa!

- Oh, Lord!

- This fool is trippin'.

- I'm outta here.

You on your own there, bro.

Yeah, y'all. Come on, man.

Y'all ain't never been

in a shower with a man?

And you see the suds

crawl down the crack of his ass...

and you just...

be, uh, tou--

I was foolin' y'all, man!

I was foolin' y'all!

Those was jokes!

Whoo! Whoo!

Hey, man, f*** this. I'm goin'.

I don't usually be kissin'

like that when I first meet someone.

But you special. Uh--

- Cigarette?

- Ashtray.

Yeah. Ashtray.

- Come on, kids.

Hey, stupid.

You realize you just kissed

every n*gger in the party?

Now come on. I gotta go to the store

and get some more forties.

Okay. Yeah. All right.

Whoo! Now, that there

is somethin' special.

How come you talk all that noise

about white men, and then

go date white women, fool?

No. You see, I'm just

tryin' to do to white girls...

- what the white man's been doin'

to us for 400 years!

- Yeah? What's that?

F*** 'em. Amy Jo!

Oh, you cold. He cold.

Yeah, yeah.

Forties and Nines.

Oh, that's

my favorite store.

Hey. I'm gonna go in here

and get me a malt liquor Slurpee.

Run across the street

and get me some barbecue potato chips.

- Ooh.

- Can I keep the change?

Hell, no, fool.

That's a ten-dollar food stamp.

Better bring me back

my change.

- Cheapskate.

- Stupid.

What's up now,

you pretty punk trick?

Hey! What's up?

We got a problem, Toothpick?

I said,

do we have a problem?

We got a problem for ya.

Right here. This a problem.

Right there. Right there.

- All right. We'll play a little game.

Right here.

I said do... we...

have... a... problem, huh?

Oh. "U.S.S.R."

You better get your stinky asses

outta here before I cause

a nuclear holocaust, fool.

Well, let's go!

Fool, come on!

It'll be Hiroshima

and N*gger-saki.

- Fool, let's go! Let's go!

- That's right, boy!

You better get on outta here!

And don't come back!

- Punk!

- Tray, bring your simple behind on!

- Hello?

- Hey, yo, man. You page me?

- Yeah, yeah. You ready to be out?

- Yeah. Let's move.

- All right.

N*ggers

I go and check them.

Hurry up and buy!

Hurry up and buy!

Hurry up and buy!

- Break yourself!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

You dropped something.

- Yeah! Break yourself, fool!

Yeah! Recognize.

- Gimme my money back.

Oh, word. Candy bars.

Hey! Ms. Lady B*tch.

Hey. I'm talkin' to you.

How much for this candy bar?

Five dollar.

Better give me some sucky-sucky

with that for five dollars.

You don't like;

you don't buy.

Hey. Look here.

Just charge us for the chips

and the ice cream. All right? Shoot.

Hey, let's raise up outta here

'fore I loc up on these people.

Quit lickin' that damn ice cream

like that 'fore I put you on the

corner to make me some money!

I feel sorry

for your mother.

What'd you say

about my mama? Hmm?

I don't want trouble. Just go!

Go home! Don't come back!

What'd you say about my mama?

Break yourself!

- No!

You break; you buy!

Soda, five dollar!

Loc, what are you

doin', man? Come on!

- Ah! Pickles!

Ten dollar!

Come on, gimme money!

- Gimme money right now!

Right-- Shirt!

Nineteen ninety-five!

On sale! Come on!

- Oh!

Yo, Loc! Are you crazy?

What the hell did you do?

- Hey, fool. It wasn't me!

I ain't hurt nobody!

Catch.

The man!

Have a nice day.

Oh, yeah.

- He's good.

- Mm-hmm. Come on, Tray.

Let's get outta here!

Hey, man,

check out that 6-4.

- What up, n*gger?

Aw, damn. What up, Grandma?

Tell your daddy to page me.

All right, then. All right.

Play or stay up?

- Peace.

- Now, now, I realize

that every now and again,

some of you womenfolk,

you get hot.

You get bothered. And every now

and again you get hot and bothered!

- Amen!

- Ha! Well, what I want you to do...

when you get that hot and

you need a little... relief,

I want you to-- I want you to...

Call me

Hey

- Don't ask no questions

- Good to see you today, Gloria.

- Abraham was asked by God

- Good to see you too, Mrs. Williams.

- To sacrifice

- Tired heifer.

His only Son

Didn't He do it

- Abraham didn't ask no questions

- Thank you, baby.

And that's what God

expects from His sheep

Here at the Greater Ebenezer

New Revival Tree of Life

lnstitutional Double Rock on

the Side of the Road to Jericho

Missionary Baptist

Church of Zion

And I say Mount Calvary

Y'all gon' help me

- Preach on, Reverend!

- Ain't that the truth!

God expects you

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