Don't Be a Menace to South Central Page #6

Yo, Preach.

At least Ashtray got a dream.

That's more than I can say

for half the homies in the hood.

- Why, little foots, you got a dream?

- Yeah.

I got a dream.

- Yeah.

Aaah!

Hey, Loc, I hope you ain't sellin'

out on me with no jive-ass dream.

Ah, hell, no. You know

I ain't got no self-esteem.

I ain't gonna grow up to be sh*t,

just like you, baby.

Where them pussies hiding at?

- They're probably over

at that trick's house.

- What trick?

Dashiki, fool.

- Ooh, I miss makin' love to her.

- Me too.

- What you talkin' about?

- I was helpin' you out.

- How was you helpin' me?

- You was locked down, fool.

Man, just give me the book.

Nothin' I can read.

Hey, baby.

Man, can you hook me up

with directions to Crenshaw, man?

Fool, you better get

your crusty behind away from me!

Man, I'll suck your dick, man.

- What you say to me?

- I'll suck your dick, man!

- Ah, man.

All right, so what

you want to do, my man--

Go to the corner, go about

three blocks down and make a right.

- You'll be right there

on Crenshaw. All right.

- Check it out

Hibbidy-hibbidy

and a hop-hop

Hibbidy-hibbidy and a hop-hop

Hibbidy hop

- Aaah!

- What should we do?

- Run like a b*tch, fool!

Mama! Mama!

No, man, we gon' die!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Let's go!

I'm hit. I'm hit!

- Hey, Legs!

Legs, you okay, man?

You got hit

by the bullets, man?

No, I got hit by a car.

Come on. Hey, n*gger.

Let's help him get-- Let's get him

in the truck. Hey, get his baby shoe.

N*gger, I know you're crippled,

but help me out. Come on.

- Why?

- Bring your simple ass, Tray!

Oh, my head. My head!

J-Nug, you all right?

Answer me, man. You all right? J-Nug!

- F*** it! Help!

- Sister, sister!

- We need a doctor fast!

- You know, I went to see

Jason's Lyric this weekend.

Ooh, yeah, G Money-- wasn't he cute?

Did you see his butt? It was hairy.

- I know you didn't think

that "ass-fro" was cute.

- We need a doctor right now!

- Yeah, I'm gonna have to

call you back, okay?

- Right now, sister!

- What I'm gonna need you to do

is fill this form out.

- Thank you.

May I have a pen, please? Thank you.

Excuse me. Do you know where

I can get some water around here?

Oh, God!

Here.

- Thanks.

- You're number 1,012.

One thousand, twelve.

One thousand, twelve.

Number 213. Now serving number 213.

- Damn!

- Damn, I hope I'm next.

- Come on.

- We're gonna do it.

Between

Crazy Legs being hit in the drive-by,

the Korean store shootings,

jail and Dashiki being pregnant,

- Dashiki, open the door!

- I felt like I was about to explode.

Whoo!

What are you doing?

Trying to win best actor

on the Soul Train Awards.

Look, Dashiki,

I'm sorry about last night.

I thought about it and

I want to be a father to my child.

And another thing.

I also realized

how much I love you.

And I wanna leave the hood

with you.

But there's something

we need to do before we go.

Look, I'm taking the kids

and I'm moving out of the hood.

I just wanted them to come

say good-bye to their daddies.

Gimme the man.

You're a good brother, Tray. Yeah.

Me?

I've been in jail

a long time, T.

Sometimes I feel like

a caged animal.

How come you never

came to see me, man?

N*gger, I don't know you.

Oh, yeah.

You don't know me.

That's right. That's right.

But dig this here, Tray.

Teach my son

how to be a man, Tray.

How to be a man.

Gimme some.

Jif!

Hey, what's up, home? Hey.

Hey, man,

you got everything?

Cool.

- I'm gonna get some, right?

- Oh, n*gger, don't even

play me like that.

All right. Come on, man.

Hey, what's up, Crazy?

Hey, brother!

How you feelin', man?

How you doin', brother?

Doctor say I ain't

ever gonna walk again.

- No, no!

- Oh, no!

- Homie.

- Homie.

- No.

- Fool, get off me!

You've been paralyzed

for the last five years.

Oh, yeah.

Don't worry, Legs, man.

When I find that Toothpick,

I'm gonna smoke him.

No! We need to put an end to

all this black-on-black crime.

- We need to call a truce.

- What about that time you shot Byron?

- Ain't that black-on-black crime?

- Yeah.

- No. Byron was light-skinned.

- Oh, yeah.

- Hey, you're about

to go to this party?

- Yeah.

- And, uh, you're gonna

be doing some drinking?

- A little something.

Let me tell you about

drinking and driving, man.

Boy, that sh*t is fun, man. Yo, what

you do is get yourself a 40, right?

You get on the freeway--

bam-- punch it to 85.

Then you turn off your lights,

let go of the steering wheel.

- Oh, it will bug you out.

You got to try it, man.

- Oh, man!

- I'm gonna try it.

- Hey, why didn't y'all

invite me to the party?

- Come on, Pop. You know

you gotta be 18 and older.

- Oh, man.

Besides, it's getting past your bedtime.

You brush your teeth?

- Yeah.

- Let me see.

- No. There we go.

- All right, I'm out.

- All right. Hey, hey, hey!

Before you go, why don't you

read me, like, a bedtime story,

like the good old days?

- All right. Just one.

- That's all I need.

All right.

Flip to a good one.

Here we go.

"This is the story

of Dick and Mary.

Mary lies on the bed

and spreads her thighs.

Dick thrusts his large member

into her waiting vagina.

- 'F*** me, F*** me,' Mary screams.

Dick covers her head with a pillow

'cause she's too noisy.

- Yeah.

- Dick continues to pound

her swollen opening...

'til he climates.

'Oh! I'm coming! I'm coming!

Oh! Oh! Ohh!

- Yeah. Oh. Oh.

- Oh. Oh.'

And he falls asleep."

- Mmm.

- Good night, Pops.

Domino, n*gger! Yeah!

Hey, what's up,

what's up, n*ggers? Hey!

What's up, baby? Hey, what

you making, some Jiffy Pop?

- What's up, bro?

- What's up, baby?

How you doin'? All right.

- What's up, n*gger?

Black-on-black crime!

- What's going on?

What's up, man?

I got one question.

Who's got that chronic, n*gger?

- Come on, n*gger.

- Who got that chronic?

I got that ill killer sh*t.

Guaranteed to f*** you up.

Hey, n*gger, light

that sh*t up. F*** me up.

Hey. Hey.

Ooh!

- Toke! Toke! N*gger, toke!

- Whoo!

- Look at that sh*t! Ah-ha!

- Hey, man, he's going

into convulsions!

- Man, he ain't breathin'.

- He's foamin' at the mouth, man.

Yo, he dead.

Yo, pass that sh*t!

Yo, pass that. Whoo-hoo!

Hit it!

- Hit it, hit it, hit it, hit it!

Uh-huh. See, now, that's what

I'm talking about, Shabomboo.

- So good, so good.

- Yeah, nigga's trying to

hide the good sh*t.

Ha-ha!

- Baby, you wanna dance?

Yes, I do, but not with you.

All right, all right

All right, all right

Hey, girl, how you doin'?

My name is Loc Dog.

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