Don't Be a Menace to South Central Page #7

- What's your name?

- La Quanda.

Whoo!

La Quanda, do you have a boyfriend?

No. You know, men always seem

to be really intimidated by me.

But I don't know why.

- You know?

Well, you know, uh--

I can understand how a pretty girl like

yourself might make a man a little sick.

Oh, I mean nervous.

Yeah, well, it takes a really

special kind of man to be with me.

- Ooh.

- You know?

- Yeah, well, let me go find him.

- Damn, girl, you need to

slow down with that.

You ain't my daddy,

and you ain't payin' any of my bills.

- Mind your business.

Ooh! That my song.

- Hi.

Uh, my name is Loc Dog.

What's your name?

- Keisha.

- Keisha?

- You always this shy, Keisha?

- Mm-hmm.

Look here, Keisha, why don't we go back

to my place and have a little nightcap.

I don't know.

- Mmm?

- I just met you.

Hey, girl, the Dog don't bite

unless you ask him.

- Okay.

- All right. Come on.

I guess it'll be all right.

Baby, you really love me.

- You know I do, girl.

- Mmm.

Hmm.

Gu-gu-gu-gu-gu-gu.

Mm-mmm. I really shouldn't.

Mm-mmm. Come on, girl.

Ain't gonna hurt you.

- Mm.

- Mm-hmm.

It's just that when I drink,

sometimes I get a little crazy.

And that's what I want.

See, I don't want you to think

I'm a freak or nothin' like that,

because I usually don't even go home

with guys when I first meet 'em.

But I just feel

so comfortable with you.

Hey, and that's good, girl.

- Whenever you're with me,

- Mm-hmm?

I want you to just relax

and be yourself.

You are so nasty.

- I should be going.

- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, baby.

Relax. Okay? Just relax.

Don't you go nowhere.

You're in good hands now, girl. Loc

Dog's gonna take good care of you, baby.

You sure... it's okay?

Mm-hmm.

I want you to just

be yourself, okay?

I told you I could

get a little crazy.

Yeah, you get crazy. Come on.

Okay.

All right,

motherf***er, let's get it on.

Oh, no, n*gger,

you ain't going nowhere.

- Ahh.

- Ahh, fresh air, fresh fish.

- Nothin' like the great

outdoors, huh, Pop?

- No.

Pop, can we talk,

teenager to teenager?

See, I met this girl.

She's pretty special.

She's moving out of the hood

in a couple of days, and I'm

thinking about going with her.

Man, who is this girl?

- Her name's Dashiki.

- Dashiki from over there

on Penetration Avenue?

Oh, come on, Pop! Don't tell me

you slept with her too.

Oh, no, no. It ain't

nothin' like that, son.

- She sure could suck a dick, though.

- What?

Oh, nothing, son. Go ahead.

Tell me about this girl.

Anyway, I think I'm in love.

So, what?

You knockin' b*obs yet?

- Yeah.

- Hold on.

You use a condom?

No.

Good! That's my boy!

That's my boy!

Yo, never use condoms, son.

They take away all the feelin'.

Yeah. Only thing is,

now she's pregnant.

- I don't know what to do.

- Man, look.

Let me give you the same advice

my father gave me, all right?

Give up hope. Look at me.

Dreams are for suckers.

Ain't no future for you.

And don't think about

gettin' no job, Tray,

'cause a black man ain't got no place

in the work force.

So let me get this straight.

What you trying to say is, don't get

caught up in the white man's system...

of self-perpetuating

unemployment...

and wind up trying to survive on

welfare checks and food stamps, right?

Wrong, man! Hell, ain't nothing wrong

with no welfare check.

That's called free money. Hell, our

family survived six generations on it.

Thanks, Pop.

- You always know what to say, man.

- I thought you knew, boy.

My boy Tray.

Gettin' himself some sex.

Yeah.

- See, man, right over here.

- Gettin' locked up

in the city ain't the same.

Get the map!

F*** it. Let's go twist

these n*ggers in a cat bag, man.

Can't you read, man?

It's over here.

Read this. Come on. Let's go.

- Drive!

- Let's go.

- What's up, Loc?

- What's up, Tray?

Can't believe your mark-ass

is finally leavin' the hood.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Me and Dashiki's gonna tie that knot.

- You need to tie a knot

in that b*tch's tubes.

- Naw.

- Really.

- I actually think we're

gonna be all right.

- Hey, why don't you come with us?

- What?

Take a road trip

in a mail truck?

Fool, that's the stupidest

idea I ever heard.

Well, anyway...

you just be careful.

Come on now, baby.

You're talkin' to Loc Dog. Ha-ha!

You know I'm gonna be all right.

Shoot.

Hey, Tray.

Never forget, man.

Either they don't know...

or don't show

or just don't care...

about bein' a menace

to South Central while

they drink their juice in the hood.

That's what it's all about, Tray.

That's what it's all about.

What the f***

is he talkin' about?

- Hey, what's up, little homie?

- What's up?

How you doin', man?

Hey, you want some of this?

Make you grow hair on your nuts.

Say, man, don't be giving

that little kid no alcohol.

- You ain't his daddy.

- I ain't? Hold up.

Dashiki! B*tch, you better give me

back my child support money!

Yeah. Uh-huh.

- Hey, what's up, little man?

- Shh.

Like I was saying, what's up

with them "hos" tonight?

Take care of my baby, all right?

And my truck.

- What?

- Come on, Tray. You know

I'm only playing with you.

Just shoot everything

in sight. Everything!

- Hey! Hey!

- Hey, break yourself!

Somebody, help me!

Dashiki! I'll call you later.

- Page me!

Aaah!

I'm coming!

Is you okay, snowflake?

Oh, yes, my big

chocolate warrior.

Uh-uh.

- Doo Rag, take care of your mama!

Aah!

Break yourself!

Aaagh! Take that, motherf***er!

- Aaagh!

- Ugh!

Take that, motherf***er!

Hey, man, watch out! Aaaah!

Hey. You know

you f***ed up, right?

- Yeah, you f***ed up.

Hear what I'm saying?

Hey, Grandma,

you got the juice now.

- Oh, go to hell.

Damn.

Tray, I'll marry you.

I promise. Just wake up.

I know, sister. I know.

- You're gonna miss him, aren't you?

- You damn right!

Where else am I gonna find

a p*ssy-whipped fool to take care

of me and seven kids?

Oh, Ashtray!

Listen, sister, listen!

You are a strong

African-American woman.

And it's because of that

I can't be with you.

- Oh, looky there. Time for me to

take out the poor white trash.

Oh, Ashtray!

Who you calling whipped, girl?

You're alive!

Ow! Ohh!

Oh, Lord, why You do this to me?

Oh, Christ, I can't take it!

I can't take it!

I can't take it!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my baby!

- Ohh! Ohh!

Oh, Mama.

Mama. I swallowed

my toothpick, Mama.

Oh, baby, you're okay! Ohh!

Now, where's my money you stole,

you little hoodlum?

Give me my money.

I want my money.

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