Don't Give Up the Ship

In the glorious addles of the United

States Navy have been many unsung heroes.

Among them, John Paul Steckler I.

Who, in the face of the British, uttered

the immortal words, "Follow me, men. "

Follow me, men!

Fortunately, no one followed.

In the most famous naval

engagement of the Civil War

another Steckler came to the fore.

It was John Paul Steckler IV.

Aboard the iron clad

Monitor

who first saw the Merrimac approaching

through the darkness.

Someone had to bring this news

to the captain immediately.

Someone did.

But not Steckler.

For years there were no

Stecklers in uniform

and everything went

pleasantly for the navy.

Then, John Paul Steckler

VII came along.

And, wow!

Admiral Bludde.

You're quite certain this officer was

last in command of the U.S.S. Conblatt?

No doubt about it, sir. A

young fella named Stickler.

Uh, Steckler, sir.

Uh, Steckler.

Now, Congressman

getting back to our appropriations

for the coming fiscal...

In a moment, Admiral.

And did this Steckler sign out for

the Kornblatt at the end of the war?

Yes, sir. Now...

about our budget.

A 17 hundred ton, 306 foot

destroyer escort missing?

Well, if he signed out for it, where is it?

Where?

Uh, let's see, uh...

I'll tell you where it is. It's missing!

Gone. Vanished from the face of the earth.

Well, I'm sure we'll locate it, sir.

You don't just lose a destroyer escort.

Admiral.

I don't have to tell you that if this

is a sample of naval housekeeping.

It may have considerable effect on

the forthcoming appropriations bill.

Will ten days be sufficient to find out?

Oh, plenty, sir, plenty.

We'll get right on it, sir.

Good.

Meet adjourned.

We're in trouble.

If we don't find the Kornblatt, that...

Where's this officer stationed?

Fourth naval district, Akron.

Get him here right away.

And don't tell anyone what its all about.

Aye, aye, sir.

Look at that face, Joe.

Behind those soft baby

eyes, that friendly smile

there could lurk the cunning

brain of a master criminal.

Oh, just wait til I get my hands on...

The happiest man in the world today.

Poochie pie.

Sweetie face, to us.

Mr. Steckler is a lieutenant in the navy.

Really very nice.

My daughter couldn't have done better.

Our first wedding cake.

For Judge Whipple, poochie.

Yes, darling, for Judge Poochie Whipple.

Isn't this fun?

Some day you'll get married, too.

I hope it's someone like

you, Admiral Steckler.

Admiral. The child called...

A lovely wedding.

A lovely wedding.

And Prudence is a beautiful bride.

Just beautiful.

Well!

Uh, oh, uh.

Should we sneak out now, ducky poo?

I think this would be a perfect time.

Plus the fact I can't wait

til we're alone, sweetheart.

Just think...

two weeks alone at Lake Wanapawawa.

Fishing, canoeing, rowing.

Everything.

- John.

- Mother.

John, take care of my little girl.

I will, Mother. I'll take care of her.

Just like her father took care of you.

That monster! Don't mention his name.

- I'm sorry. Goodbye, Mother.

- Why, when I think of that...

Goodbye, Mother!

Have a happy honeymoon, darlings!

Happy honeymoon!

All swords!

Swords!

That's our man! Follow him!

Lieutenant Steckler?

Yes, sir, the seventh.

I'm Lieutenant Commander Farber.

I hate to do this to you,

old man, but you're wanted

in Washington immediately.

What?

Red phone call, special orders deliver

you no later than 15 hundred today.

But you can't! We're just

leaving on our honeymoon.

Wait, sweetheart, let me explain.

I don't think you

understand, Commander, you

see we were just married.

We're going on our honeymoon.

- I'm on leave!

- It's been canceled.

- Who canceled?

- Admiral Bludde.

Admiral Bludde.

His plane is waiting for

you at the airport.

But, we've got the honeymoon cottage

at Lake Winnepawawa for two weeks.

Wait, sweetheart Prudence,

please dear, let me handle this.

Commander, what would the

Admiral want with me?

I don't know, but here are your orders.

- It is the Admiral.

- What does he want?

Well, it doesn't say, but

that's his signature.

Gee, my old commander.

- The top destroyer...

- Lieutenant, I hate to rush you.

Yeah, well!

Bludde or no Bludde, Admiral or no.

Although, it might be a decoration.

- You know, there was that skirmish...

- Can't he mail it to you?

No, dear. If I'm going to

get a medal I think the

least we can do is go to

Washington and pick it up.

A medal.

My hero.

Now, we can have our

honeymoon in Washington.

Just like George and Martha.

Lieutenant, if you will.

Mission accomplished, sir.

- Lieutenant John Paul Steckler?

- The seventh.

This way, please.

Lieutenant John Paul Steckler

VII reporting as ordered, sir.

So, you're the man.

I guess so, sir.

Amazing.

How did you do it?

- Oh, it was nothing.

- Nothing?

- Well, what I mean to say, sir...

- Tell us, son.

Did you do this on your own?

Or, were there others?

Well, sir, uh...

Is anyone ever really on their own?

I mean what I'm trying to say, sir, is...

Doesn't everything always depend on...

the men you serve with? Their

cooperation, their loyalty?

See what I told you, Joe? Nerves of steel.

We're lucky there's only one missing.

So, you admit you had help.

Oh, yes, sir. In everything I did, sir.

After all, I had a shining inspiration.

I served under Admiral Bludde.

Are you trying to pin this on me?

Oh oh, no sir. I thought you

were going to pin it on me.

As a matter of fact, I wish you

would because my wife is...

Excuse me, sir.

Are you mad at me?

Mad at you?

Nonsense.

All I want is a full confession!

Confession?

Sir.

As representative of the

Judge Advocate General

I request Lieutenant Steckler be formally

advised of the charges against him.

The char..ch...

Did he say charges?

Certainly.

Why do you think you were called?

To receive a medal?

Well, very honestly sir,

I did think I was...

Maybe a little one.

I've never seen anyone like him.

Go ahead commander, read the charges.

- Lieutenant John Paul Steckler.

- The seventh, sir.

Lieutenant John Paul Steckler VII?

My brother was supposed to be the seventh,

but he turned out to be my sister.

- See, they were expecting a boy...

- Read the charges!

Lieutenant...

during World War II, some government

property charged out to you

and for which you're therefor

responsible, was not turned in.

It's still missing.

Well, just a minute, Commander,

sir, I never took anything in my...

What's the matter, Lieutenant?

Nothing. Nothing, sir.

It's just that I, I never

thought it'd be missed.

Everyone was taking souvenirs.

Weren't they?

Wouldn't you say you went just

a little too far, Lieutenant?

No, I don't think so, sir. I

mean, it wasn't important stuff.

Well, it was my compass, sexton...

and patented Spam opener.

Wasn't there something else, Lieutenant?

Alright, I'm not gonna lie.

I'm guilty and I think the best

thing for me to do is just

pay up and get this thing over with.

So, if you'll tell me how

much it is, I'll pay.

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