Don't Give Up the Ship Page #2

Tell him, Commander.

The total amount comes to...

Five million, four hundred and fifteen thousand,

nine hundred and twenty five dollars.

Wh..wha...

I think he's trying to ask you something.

What did I take?

One fully equipped...

sea-worthy and battle-ready...

destroyer escort.

Oh, come now, son.

Your government doesn't

want to be tough on you.

But, just tell us...

what did you do with the U.S.S. Kornblatt?

I didn't take it.

I didn't take her.

I haven't got her.

Honest.

Pinky swear. Scout's honor.

Where would I ever...

I didn't...

Honest.

Frisk me!

Five million dollars.

How can I ever pay five million dollars?

Even if they took...

thirty dollars a month it would take...

nine hundred and fifty thousand months.

Thirty dollars into nine

hundred and fifty thousand...

Oh, I forgot to carry the one.

Five million into...

Thirty, even if they start with

this month, the thirty dollars...

I don't think I have enough.

It's twenty nine dollars

for the bus tickets...

Let me see how much...

maybe...

Five million..

Hear that?

He thinks he's got five million

dollars in small change.

Oh, the old "insanity" gimmick.

- Well, he's not going to get away with it.

- Shall we question him again, sir?

Lieutenant Steckler.

The seventh.

Oh.

Yes, sir.

I must confess that until

this moment I thought

you might have snatched the Kornblatt.

That behind the facade of innocence was

the shrewd, calculating brain of a crook.

Or a master spy in pay of some foreign...

Oh, just a minute, sir. If you

don't mind, sir. I am not a spy.

I mean I've goofed and all

that, but I am not a traitor.

I mean the navy is my whole life.

Before I was in the navy I was just...

John Paul Steckler.

The meatball.

But now, Lieutenant John Paul Steckler!

The meatball.

Steckler...

I'm beginning to feel sorry for you.

Thank you.

I've seen enough scared

young men to know that...

you're another.

- But, you're in a way of a lot of trouble.

- Yes, sir.

Nobody really wants to

kick you out of the navy.

Throw you in jail.

See you wind up in disgrace.

But, the last name the Kornblatt was checked

out to was enson John Paul Steckler.

We've got to pin it on somebody.

Sir?

How about him, sir?

Steckler!

Give up the ship!

I haven't got her, sir.

- Well, then find her!

- Yes, sir.

- You've got ten days.

- Yes, sir.

- And you better come back with something.

- Yes, sir.

- Commander.

- Yes, sir.

Get the duplicate records

of all ships turned in.

Pacific fleet 1945 to date.

All of them?

Yes, sir!

Steckler?

I want you to spend the next 12 hours

sifting through those records.

We've got to find the Kornblatt!

And we're starting tonight.

Tonight? But, I had plans tonight sir!

- Cancel all plans!

- Yes, sir!

If we don't come up with the Kornblatt

inside of ten days, the navy

stands to lose four billion

dollars in appropriations.

This is vital, Steckler. As America's

first line of defense, I...

Who's ducky poo?

Hello. Everything comfy cozy, dear?

Ducky poo, I've been waiting three hours.

And I can't wait to see you, sweetie face.

I don't speak to everyone that way, sir.

I hope you don't think so. Just my wife.

Hang up that phone!

I'm a have, I'm a have, I'm a

have to hang up now, dear.

Tell me you wuv me.

Wuv you, wuv you, wuv you, wuv you.

- Hang up!

- Yes, sir!

Wuv you.

- The records, sir.

- Good.

Thank you.

Steckler, get at those right away.

Yes, sir. I will, sir.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir. Excuse me.

I'm very sorry, sir.

My cap, sir.

Thank you, sir.

And be back here at 0900 tomorrow morning.

Yes, sir! 0900 tomorrow morning!

That's a tough break, sir, having this

happen right in the middle of his honeymoon.

Honeymoon?

He was married this morning, sir.

Oh, no. The honeymoon will have to wait.

See that he's checked into the bachelor

officer's quarters for the night.

I'll arrange it sir.

Alright, gentlemen, that's all.

Will there be anything else?

Oh, you'd better bring

another bottle of champagne. Pink.

Pink. Yes, madam.

- Did you miss me, honey?

- Yes.

- Oh, darn it.

- What in the world?

Now I've got the San Diego D.E.'s all

mixed up with the Bremington C.E.V.'s.

What are these, ducky poo.

Oh, Admiral Bludde gave them to me.

Instead of a medal?

- There is no medal.

- No medal?

No and there's no Kornblatt, either.

What's a Kornblatt?

Honey, don't you remember

I used to tell you

about during the war I commanded

the U.S.S. Kornblatt?

Well, that's a Kornblatt.

And it's missing, and...

they said I took it.

You? What would you do with a battleship?

What would anybody do with a battleship?

No, honey, she's not a battleship.

It's a destroyer escort, you see.

And, although I didn't take it...

I'm responsible for it.

Well, let's not worry

about a silly old boat.

Not tonight, anyway.

Nope.

Not tonight.

Honey?

Should I wear the white

pajamas with the black

stripes or the black pajamas

with the white stripes?

Oh, either one sweetie.

Alright, I'll mix them up.

Who needs Lake Winnepawawa?

Anyplace is heaven when

you're with your poochie pie.

Prudence.

You're absolutely beautiful.

It's about time you noticed.

Well, I noticed right from

the start, sweetheart. I

just didn't want you to

think that I was stuck on you.

Oh, champagne.

Caviar. Pheasant under glass.

Oh, is this a way to spend a wedding night.

Wait til you see the dessert.

Dessert?

Where?

It's not over there, Lieutenant.

- I love you, Prudence.

- I love you, darling.

But, I'm in big trouble.

You are if you turn that light

on again, my itsy bitsy baby.

Well, now to worksy worksy.

Worksy worksy?

Yes, sweetheart. I promised the Admiral

that I'd go through these records.

On our honeymoon?

Well, I'm going to help you.

It's a wife's duty.

Yes, you help, dear.

Now, let's see. I might...

I might as well start back in 1945.

Oh, here's...

Here's something very interesting.

106,210 tons of ships in dry dock.

Oh, you have the cutest little ears.

Ears in dry... Darling I can't concentrate.

Now...

- Honey, I've got work to do.

- Oh, you certainly have.

Let me explain, dear. You see there's

this Congressman Mandeville.

Now, he's the head of the House

Appropriations Committee.

- Oh, you say the sweetest things.

- Well...

The Navy needs money for

money for new ships, see,

and he's looking for an

excuse to turn them down.

Now, the Korn...

blatt.

Now, if the Navy can't keep

track of the ships that it has

then he's not going to let Congress give

the Navy any more money to buy new ships.

And that's why Admiral

Bludde is out to drink mine.

You are in trouble.

Yeah, very big trouble.

That's why I feel so bad

bringing you all the way

to Washington thinking I

was going to get a medal.

The night's young yet.

Maybe you still will.

- I love you, Prudence.

- I love you, darling.

What's that?

I didn't hear anything.

Oh, it's the champagne.

I can hear it fizz.

It's the waiter with more champagne.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes