Don't Knock the Rock Page #2

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But, man, I got an even greater one for you now.

Yeah, the king is going home.

It's the greatest rags-to-riches yarn you've ever had.

It beats them all.

Cinderella, Horatio Alger.

Man, it's a natural, Harry.

"The triumphant return of Arnie Haines to his hometown.

"A town which Arnie Haines left as a farm boy and comes back to as a king."

Well, we made it.

You sure you won't be angry with me?

With my own mother?

Well, it's being done, you know.

Psychiatrists are blaming parents for everything these days.

It's really quite the thing to be angry with one's mother.

However, I'm sure I'll give you plenty of cause

before I'm through with your Mr. Arnie Haines.

Mother...

Now, Francie, you wanted to come with me. That was all right.

But I've got a job to do.

I'm gonna write about Arnie Haines exactly as I see him.

And I've gotta ask you not to interfere.

Well, well, well, if it isn't the competition.

What's a genuine columnist doing at this wingding?

Let's just say I'm getting pains from Arnie Haines.

You drive all the way here?

Yeah. I thought it'd be a nice vacation for my daughter and myself.

The glamor boy due in soon?

Any minute.

My daughter, Francine, boys.

Hi.

How do you do?

And don't get any ideas.

She doesn't go for anyone who doesn't wear an Arnie Haines button.

Well, you'd better find a new hero, Miss MacLaine.

Anybody your mother doesn't like generally winds up in the tail end of nowhere.

My mother says her column is always fair.

We'll see.

Now, baby, you're taking all this too seriously. Relax.

Hey, what is this?

Looks pretty clear to me, boss.

Arnie!

Mr. Haines.

Mayor Bagley.

Hi, Sis.

How's Mom?

She's fine.

I didn't think anyone knew I was coming except my folks.

Your parents thought it best to wait at your home.

But if you want my advice, you'll take the next train back to New York.

Hey, wait a minute.

It's okay. Relax.

You want to keep me out of my hometown? Why?

I tell you, Mr. Haines, and we the people of Mellondale...

consider your so-called music outrageous.

Rock and roll is for morons!

You've seen the moral effect it's having on our younger generation.

And I say again, it's outrageous! Depraved!

Well, what's depraved about dancing?

We want Arnie! We want Arnie!

Stop it! Stop it!

Stop it!

I will not tolerate such behavior in this town.

Go home!

Children should be seen and not heard.

Boy, there's a quote from the Middle Ages.

Look, Mayor, the boys and I just came home for a rest, that's all.

We're not here to perform.

Now, if you don't bother us, we won't bother you.

I have no legal right to keep you out of town.

But I want to warn you.

Just one, one exhibition to ruin the morals of our younger people...

Just one toot.

And out you go.

Please stay. Don't go.

I suppose you think that the Mayor is right.

If I said yes, you'd think I'm not being fair.

Let's just say, "no comment."

Come on, let's get back to the hotel.

Arnie, you don't mean that you're gonna let that old windbag stop you from performing here.

He's not stopping me. I told the truth.

The boys and I just came home to rest up for the summer.

Now, look, let's forget the whole thing. It's really not important.

Oh, but we think it's important.

We're human beings, too, aren't we?

We've got some rights.

Look, if we don't break the law.

Bagley can't tell us what to do or what not to do.

You can't get...

Davey Loman, you get on home, before I take a stick to you.

Ma, I'm 17.

In that case, I'll have to get a bigger stick.

Gettin'.

The Mayor was right.

Arnie Haines, you stay away from our kids.

Look, kids, thanks.

Thanks a million for being here.

I really appreciate it, but I guess...

You'd all better get home before there's more trouble. Thanks.

Come on, break it up.

"Go home for a rest," he says.

"Lie on the beach, look at the sky...

"Get eggs right out of the henhouse."

We laid one big, fat, beautiful egg here today.

Come on, let's get out of here.

My suitcase.

Hey, look, you guys aren't gonna print what happened here today, are you?

Now, Alan, you started this.

You're the one who invited the newspaper people out here.

Okay. Now let them print what they came for.

Even if we did give you a break... Arline MacLaine won't.

MacLaine?

She writes that column. She's here?

She sure is.

The World as seen by Arline MacLaine.

And since you happen to be part of this world, Haines,

she's gonna take you apart.

But why? What have we done to her?

Well, she sounds as though you give her nervous indigestion.

It could be something about her daughter, though.

I just thought I'd tip you off.

Thanks.

My kid dances that stuff, same as the other kids.

I don't see anything wrong in it.

Just thought I'd tell you.

Thank you very much.

Well, maybe we ought to go back to New York.

The worst that can happen to us there is we get hit by a truck.

Yeah.

I'm staying.

If these folks are gonna keep thinking like this...

how do you think it's gonna be for our folks who have to live here?

How do you expect to change their minds?

I have plenty of time to think about that.

I'm going home to see my folks.

Yeah. So am I.

We'll see you at your house after dinner.

Okay. Good idea. Yeah.

So long, fellows.

Arnie, I'm sorry.

I'm not.

I tell you, I was beginning to think maybe I am some kind of a freak.

They called me everything but that today.

I guess that makes me normal, huh?

See you after dinner, too?

Sure, Arnie.

Come on, Molly.

Okay. See you tonight, Alan.

Bye, honey.

Bye.

They do make a cute couple, don't they?

In the old days, the kids used their energy for picking corn.

Hey, maybe we ought to go inside and get cheered up.

Let's go. Come on.

Good.

That must be the rest of the kids.

I'll get it.

Hey! Hi, fellows.

It's the boys! Hi, Alan!

Hello!

Hi, Chas! Tag, how are you?

Hey, fellows. How about that?

What are you, a Benedict Arnold or something?

Playing a Bill Haley record here?

We have to.

All the Arnie Haines records are worn out.

Try Haines' home. To heck with the beach.

And to heck with old Bagley!

Come on! Let's go!

Yeah, you got the rock, all right.

But I think your roll just stripped a gear.

I was on my way to the beach when I heard the music.

I thought you were inside.

I saw you through the window.

We don't always have people gamboling on the green out here.

This is purely clinical research.

I'm only interested in cause and effect, Mr. Haines.

The effect seems evident, and the modus operandi seems clear...

but the cause really eludes me.

Hey, hold on. Would you play that chorus over in a different key?

What I mean is...

It just seems like dancing to me.

Why are people like my mother and the Mayor so steamed up?

Your mother?

Oh, I'm Francine MacLaine. My mother writes a newspaper column.

That MacLaine.

What'd she do? Send you out here for more material to slug me with?

Hardly.

She doesn't think you belong in the company of nice little girls.

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